In His Strength

MY GOD IS........ (A Thanksgiving Reflection)

2011-11-23T17:31:00.000-08:00

reading 'Satisfy My Thirsty Soul'
one of the excercises ~ making a list of the attributes of God from A to Z.
Some letters are easier than others, some take no time to list, some I can only think of one word, others.....wow. Takes some time (after half an hour my brain was fried, and yet after I laid it aside and did other things, words still came to mind....faster than I could write them down!)ere it is, even weeks after I started my list and as I type this, words are coming to mind. I thought I would post it here, as it seemed somehow fitting for Thanksgiving.
(Some letters were more difficult than others)

MY GOD IS........
Awesome, my All In All, Amazing, Annointed One, Adored, Adonai, Abba, Anchor, Ancient of Days, Alpha, Able,
Beautiful,Beginning and End, Blessed, Beloved, Brilliant, Breath
Christ, Creator, Coming, Caring, Chosen, Compassionate, Captivating, Conqueror, Comforting, Counselor,
Deliverer, my Delight, Destiny, Defender Divine,
Eternal, Excellent, Everlasting, Ever-Present,Emmanuel(God with us),
Father, Forever, Faithful, Forgiving, Friend, Freedom, First and the Last, Fabulous, Fantastic,
God, Great, Glorious, Giver, Good, Grace,
Helper, Healer, Holy, High-and-exalted, Holy, Hosannah,
Immeasurable, Infallible, Immutable, Impartial, Infinite, Incomprehensible,
Just, Joy, Jealous, Jehovah,
King, Kinsman Redeemer, Kind,
Lord, Lover, Listener, Leader, Laughter, Life,
Master, Maker, Messiah, Mentor, Mercy, Mighty, Motivator, Messenger,
Never-sleeping
Omniscient, Omnipresent, Overwhelming, On-time,
Present, Patient, Papa, Passionate, Pure, Prince of Peace, Powerful, Pursuer,
Quiet
Rescue, Radiant, Redeemer,
Savior, Sovereign, Sweet, Searcher of Hearts, Sufficient,
Truth, Trust, Timely, Transcendant of time and space, Tremendous,
Understanding, Unfathomable, Unchanging,
Victorious
Wreckless love, Wellspring of life, Wonderful, Worthy,
X
YHWH
Z

I Yelled at God Last Night

2011-09-06T15:53:00.000-07:00

(please excuse the tardiness of this post as it's been a few days in the making)

WEEEEEEEEE!!! His Love IS Amazing!

I had expected to take meds for weeks before seeing results, and within days felt phenomenal. Almost three weeks went by and no pain, nausea, nothing! =D I took a bold step of faith (I thought so anyway) and shared with a friend who was writing a song along those same lines. The day after I wrote that however, ...........miserable! Headache, nausea, vomiting... For three hours could not keep a thing down, even the meds that were supposed to stop it. I was angry, “THIS ISN’T FAIR! Why get my hopes up,…..again!?” I want to work, I want to afford to DO things, I don’t want to be stuck at HOME!” Yes, I was yelling, screaming, and crying and even beating my pillow… yet, somehow, sensed He completely understood (why did I still feel so guilty?). I felt two strong hands- one on each of my shoulders- and a still, small voice quietly nudges it’s way in, telling me instead of wallowing in that one miserable day, I could choose to rejoice in those two weeks I had (“but I want MORE God!”). The next week was a rollercoaster, both physically as we try to regulate medication and emotionally because I am just so done with this nonsense!
Meanwhile…….children are my sanity (okay, them and my dog, I have to giver her credit)
Why can’t Sundays be every day? Truly? I cannot get enough of being with the ‘Elevate’ ministry at our church. I think I am the favorite. We have a game with yarn balls; set a time limit and see who can get the most on the other side of the room. The side with the least amount of yarn balls on their side wins. It often turns into who can pelt Tryna with the most! I LOVE IT!!! On one occasion, unbeknownst to me, I arrived home with three of them stashed behind my back. Maybe that’s why my back felt so good afterwards, Haha!
But last Sunday I was in no mood for children, I was in no mood for God (I scared even myself with that one!). I went to church because I knew it was the right thing to do, maybe it would get my mind off of all of this nonsense. Worship was agony. This is highly unusual coming from someone who’s favorite part of the church service is the worship portion, and who wishes she could spend the entire service just in worship alone. (A time or two in my church in Montana, that’s exactly what we did. Even in the college group I was involved in. Some nights were devoted strictly for worship. L<3ved it). My mind wasn’t even on the message that morning. I took notes as I always do, to help me to pay attention. That didn’t help. I was distracted. My mind was somewhere else altogether. Don’t ask me what the message was about because I couldn’t tell you.
And this week I didn't want to go.......home! HaHA!!!
This morning a little guy (about seven I think) I worked with started off grumpy. His g-tube was irritating him as always. On numerous occasions I had to get his hands away from it for fear of it being dislodged. I tried to get him involved in activities and he just pulled away grimacing, grunting, and moaning. It broke my heart. A silent prayer for the Lord's help and suddenly.......everything seemed to turn around.
A little encouragement from my supervisor to be hands on with him, helping him participate in worship. (eye contact, hand over hand with some sign), I quickly found out that he L <3 VES when you do this. His face lit up and he started to make sounds. He hugs me. He pets Alehe. Pushes my wheelchair. Smiles. (Oh those smiles are sooooooooooooo adorable!!!!) I seriously want to steal this child and take him home with me…..I know, I say that about all of them, Lol!
I sat near L at Bible-story time, scratching his back. For some children, depending on their disability, this is a calming mechanism. Haha! My poor hand was done!!! I stopped scratching. Pretty soon, I felt a small hand grasp mine ever so gently and pull it, placing it on his little back; his little eyes looking up at me, face beaming. I cracked up laughing. Apparently, HE wasn't quite done yet.
I had to leave a few minutes early from the class so that my family and I could go to lunch with some longtime family friends. I did not want to leave that classroom. I did not want our time together to end. All day I had been on cloud nine, just completely pumped up on adrenaline; and I was until well after midnight when I finally convinced myself to go to bed. I don’t remember my head hitting the pillow.
When I arrived home from church a contemporary Christian artist was on my mind, well, a particular album of his. “ Story of Your Life” by Matthew West. I jumped on my Itunes and listened to Matthew West’s song “I Love You More”. The Lord poured it’s words over me like a refreshing stream after a long trek through the rugged mountains. I’ve been playing it over and over for days now.

“And I want you to know that I’m not letting go, even when you come undone” ~ GOD

Headaches and Nausea : Surprising Turn of Events

2011-08-08T12:38:00.000-07:00

Well glory hallelujah and praise the Lord, the two doctors actually talked! I never thought that it could happen, but it did. And I was the one to bring up to the neurosurgeon here in S.D. the possibility of my stomach causing the headaches. Ha!

I awoke with yet another headache, nausea, vomiting episode one morning, and frankly, had had ENOUGH already! After having an amazing time with the ‘Elevate’ children, I just wanted to bag that day and request a repeat of Sunday. A friend left a comment on my status about ‘seeking a new adventure’. Forty minutes later I received the phone call from my neurosurgeon here in San Diego saying he talked to the one in Montana (and we had to beg).

My first appointment since the two doctors talked, they called it 'gastrointestinal migraines'. In the past, stomach medication really didnt do anything for me and migraine medication did nothing or exasperated the problem, sometimes helpign for only a short period of time before quitting.

My biggest fear now; when is the medication going to stop working, since so many have in the past. Holding on to faith that it won't. Hard

"......for such is the kindgdom of Heaven".

2011-07-17T10:18:00.000-07:00

Luca, ~ a little boy probably around four or five. He is deaf, but uses coclear implants to hear. I speak to him as any other child, but use a bit of sign laungauge with my speech to better communicate. "L" uses words here and there, some you an barely understand (or is it just me?) He is adorable, especially when he smiles.

During our table toys period, he became interested in the building blocks. He held them mostly, I tried to encourage him to stack them on top of eachother, which he did to some small degree.

Today during music time I sang to him, had my focus totally on him. When the songs talked about yourself I would point to him. At times I took his hands and made the motions, or signs for words. That seemed to put a smile on his face. On occassion he would take my hands to do the same, as if he wanted me to continue. Awesome!

I felt bad during gross motor time as he stood off to the side. I tried to get him to come near me to help him participate, but he stood by the door and just watched. I participated in gross motor along with the other children, helping out where I felt I was needed, as much as I could. (needed a nap afterward, whew!)

I sat with little "L" during the last portion of our time together, table activity. This usually consists of a table toy or coloring page. I tried to encourage him to color. Allowing him to choose a color, I would put it in his hand, and gently guide him in the activity. How much was actually him is debateable. We didnt' accomplish much there, but that wa okay. I read to him the verse at the botttom of the page anyway. At one point he took Alehe's leash in his hands, and made some vocalizations, trying to walk away. I often let children walk Alehe around the classroom. His face lit up when we walked together; leash in his hand, me walking beside, vocalizations louder and more exciteable.

I often wonder about these children, just how much of the lesson they are absorbing.....but I am learning to trust God that He is teaching them in His way. I am just His tool, He can use me as HE sees fit. Meanwhile, I am having a BLAST!!!!!
I want to do it all again, tomorrow!!! haha

Be Still (sigh)

2011-07-16T10:17:00.000-07:00

"Be still and know that I am God"
~Psalm 46:10

ANOTHER appointment with my neuro-surgeon on Monday. Hmph! Not like it's going to reveal anything (please excuse my cynicism).

Headaches, nausea, vomiting. This is what I have dealt with since early teens. Surgery, medications, different pillows, c-pap, elevating the head of the bed. I've tried it. Sure, it works for a little while. Short term solutions.
Over the years I've been steadily losing hope the doctors will ever find a permanent solution.

Upon reading the above verse, a still small voice inside of me promted me to do a search on the phrase "be still"
Exodus 14:14
The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

Mark 4:39
He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.

Lord, calm this storm inside!

Psalm 83:1 (NKJV)
[ A Song. A Psalm of Asaph. ] Do not keep silent, O God!Do not hold Your peace, And do not be still, O God!
(All I seem to be getting from Him on this particular situation, silence. Lord, what is the lesson here?)

TODAY's DEVOTIONAL
"Be Still" I hear Him softly say
"Be still, lay all aside" (time out!)
He who made the universe stoops down
and gathers up my cares
(I am definately weary.....more like, DONE! Eleven years of college, it oud be nice to use it. To not depend so much on SSI.
"Be still" He chides again
His work begins within my weary soul
"Be patient. In quiet stay.
Listen to me" (Lord, I am listening!....or am I?)

Though pressed on every side
I clear my heart and mind
In timid voice and heart
I lift to Him my praise

How quiet His presence
How healing His words
In hushed awe, I listen
I savor each one

My will He bends (RA's Take My Will)
My heart He sweeps clean
My strength He renews My soul He fills to overflowing (PROMISE)

He teaches through His Word
I heed what He tells me
I stand and give Him praise
Together we go forth to serve

ELEVATE: a.k.a. "Why Can't Every Day Be Sunday?"

2011-06-27T21:18:00.000-07:00

Wow God. Just,.........wow. These were the only words I could think of after my morning with the children at Shadow Mountain Cummunity Church.

I awoke feeling good this morning. (Considering the past three weeks, it's about bloody time! haha)
The past two Sundays I have been missing little 'C'. A little blonde cutie who's name is similiar to mine, and whom I believe latched onto me because of it. I half expect her to walk in the door still; asking me if she could sit next to me and/or hold Alehe's leash, which is something I often let her and a select few other children do.
Little 'N' wasn't in Sundayschool today. He is another 'melt-yer-heart' kind of child. He likes to climb in my lap and sit, sometimes facing me, sometimes engaged a bit in the Bible story. He'll often take my face in his hands, very gently, for a few seconds. Priceless seconds if you ask me. Sometimes he will hug me. He seems to enjoy pushing my wheelchair, although he will often run off and go do something else, leaving me high and dry, lol! Stinker. He does interact with Alehe to some degree, petting her. I try to initiate the interaction getting him started, gently taking his hand and stroking Alehe's fur wth it. But it doesn't last very long.

Worship with little 'L'
When it comes to a child with a significant disability, I often wonder how much I am connecting with them. I long to break into their world and get them to understand how much they are valued as the precious child they are (at least by me) and important to the world, especially in God's eyes.
I stood next to L during our worship time today. Singing and signing, and trying to engage him in the worship. At one point I was taking his hands and signing with them. He really seemed to enjoy this. His face lit up and he smiled, watching me the whole time.

'L' and Alehe
He took the leash in his little hands, and so I let him hold it. We walked side by side around the perimeter of the classroom. He was pretty happy. I believe at one point of the morning he tried to say a word. But sadly none of us really caught what he said (it's pretty quiet). He did seem more vocal today than usual. No coherant words other than that one time, but a lot of vocal 'sounds'. He smiled at times. Especially around Alehe.
I tend to measure life by the big moments, often times letting the little ones pass me by without much notice. Today didnt seem like much at first, btu after this one child...... I now cannot wait until next week!
Here's a child who does not communicate verbally (he has coclear implants in both ears and a seizure disorder. CE-EWT as a button, especially when he smiles.) I often wonder what goes on in the minds of some of these children as they sit listening to the Biblestory. How much of this are they really getting? (I am learning to trust that God is working in their hearts and minds)

A few of our children are seen with toys in their hands as one of the teachers shares a story from the Bible. This is not unusual, nor are they being defiant. Some of these children keep their hands busy to keep their focus on the teacher who is sharing a story from the Bible. You don't really know how much they are getting, you just trust God that He is moving in their hearts and minds.

Why can't every day be Sunday?

=D

"Take my will and make it your own. I'm on my knees letting go. Seeking more of You and finding less of me, now I'm free! So take my will, let Your kingdom come. Let Your will be done." ~ Take My Will' by Richard Andrew

Emptiness of Easter

2011-04-24T13:00:00.000-07:00

The Emptiness of Easter
John 20:1-31

I. The expectation of emptiness - John 19:31-36; Mark 16:1
Emptiness in their hearts (He was going to redeem Israel)
The two Mary’s came to anoint Jesus’ body for burial
Emptiness of hopelessness and despair
(Lord, empty ME of hopelessness and despair!)

II. The encounter with emptiness - John 20:1-10
A. The place where the stone had been was empty - John 20:1;
Matthew 27:59-60; Mark 16:3
B. The place where the soldiers had been was empty
Matthew 27:62-66; 28:4
C. The place where Jesus had been was empty - Matthew 28:5-6;
Mark 16:6; Luke 24:3, 6; John 20:2
“He is not here, He is risen”
The tomb was empty
City of Jerusalem, where Christianity started
D. The grave clothes in which Jesus had been wrapped were empty
John 20:3-8
John - the other disciple; the disciple that Jesus loved
Evidence in the tomb was so convincing, it caused the apostle John to believe
The stone was rolled away so that people could see that Jesus was no longer in the tomb

III. The experience of emptiness - John 20: 11-15
Mary Magdalene, weeping
Supposed Him to be the gardener
Crushed her hope,
HE had changed her life. Freeing her from torment
Worth, dignity compassion, love, HOPE
Jesus had given her love
Her love brought her to the tomb and to the cross
She didn’t understand the resurrection was part of the story
Just when she thinks her life couldn’t get worse……..
Empty Hands, empty tomb, empty life

He created us with a God-shaped space in our lives, to be filled with the Presence of Christ in our lives
Power, money, alcohol, drugs. Things we try to stuff in that empty hole.
HE fills it full of meaning and joy
Mary, the epitome of emptiness

*****IV. The end of emptiness - *John 20:16
Rabboni -Master, teacher,
Jesus saying her name (how would I feel if I heard Jesus say MY name? How would I respond?)
A. Because he is risen my failures are not fatal - Romans 4:25;
1 Corinthians 15:14, 17-18, 20
HE took with Him the sin (failures, mistakes) of the whole world
Death was the payment, His resurrection was the receipt
B. Because he is risen my life is not futile - Ephesians 1:18-20
C. Because he is risen my death is not final - John 11:25-26

Bringing it Home
1. Dr. Jeremiah said, “Hope for a better tomorrow is what sees us through a thousand ‘every days.’” When have you used hope (for a better tomorrow) to get you through the challenges of the current day? How does hope keep us going in the face of frustration, challenge and despair?

2. Connecting (or reconnecting) with the hope we have in Christ’s resurrection, allows us to hope in ways we never have before. Where do you need hope in your life right now? In what ways do you feel empty? How can you let Christ fill your emptiness with hope?

Experiencing Gods Best ~ Part 2

2011-04-03T21:17:00.000-07:00

IN QUIET TIME

3. The author of Hebrews is writing about God’s blessing when he refers to
“entering His rest.” What do you think it means to rest everything in God? Do
you think you’ve ever done that? What makes it hard to rest in God’s blessing
these days?

Submit everything to God in prayer, Continuously. Even when it seems tough
I feel I could always do better. Outside distractions (health, finances, emotions, circumstances) make it hard to ‘rest’ in God period.

5. Look at some of the Bible verses below and talk about how we sometimes
substitute God’s best for “wilderness experiences.”
Jeremiah 2:13 ~ not relying on the ‘spring of living water’ but on our own limited resources

Jeremiah 10:1-7 ~ No one is like You O Lord, you are great, and Your Name is mighty in power
(Again, we tend to run to the quickest fix, were not patient enough for Gods best)

, 10-13 ~ He is the living God, true God

Matthew 6:19-24 ~ For where your treasure is, there your heart is also. No one can serve both God and money
What will bring us true, lasting happiness? Is it really earthly pleasures?

2 Timothy 3:1-4 ~ But realize this, that ain the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,
unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,
treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,

6. Pastor Jeremiah said that, “… the answer to fear and failure is faith.” Read the
following verses and talk about how faith can be the best life choice.

Hebrews 11:6~ without faith it is impossible to please God, so that anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists, and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him

1 Thessalonians 2:13-14 ~ And we also thank God continually because, when you received the word of God, which you heard from us, you accepted it not as a human word, but as it actually is, the word of God, which is indeed at work in you who believe. For you, brothers and sisters, became imitators of God’s churches in Judea, which are in Christ Jesus: You suffered from your own people the same things those churches suffered from the Jews

Philippians 3:7-11
But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8 What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in[a] Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. 10 I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.

Experiencing Gods Best for Our Lives

2011-04-03T20:48:00.000-07:00

Experiencing Gods Best For Our Lives
April 3, 2011
Dr. David Jeremiah
Hebrews 4:1 – 13

Blood on the Lintel and doorposts (picture of the cross)
Application of ch. 4 ~ Those who found Christ (followers) and are now leaving Egypt and onto Gods best for them. From Egypt to that place is through the wilderness
This world is not our home; we are pilgrims and strangers in this land.
God wants us to experience His best today and when we get to Heaven
Enter into His blessing

I. The experiences on the road to the Promised Land - Hebrews 4:1-3

A. The experience of fear - Hebrews 4:1; II Timothy 1:7; Romans 8:15;
Psalm 111:10; Deuteronomy 12:9*
365 Fear Not’s in the Bible
We are told to fear – Godly fear required of Gods people,
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (awe) Psalm 111:10
Believe, and experience Gods best for our lives
(I want to experience Gods best for my life)
Am I missing something? Am I missing Gods best for my life?
God wants us to discover His plan for our lives

REST
Gods Rest is Gods BEST for you and for me (Gods plan for our lives)
God wants us to discover His plan for our lives
In sync with Him
Stress, anxiety, human fear gone
Ch 4 - Enter ~ mentioned five times
(God, what are you up to?)
Call to action
Enter into Gods best for our lives
Failure to enter into all God has for them is regrettable, but not serious (some believe)
But not trusting God is something to fear
Losing heart in our Christian Experience
Going on toward God with His plan in our lives
Don’t be satisfied that you’re just a Christian
Quest for Gods best

B. The experience of failure - Hebrews 4:2; Numbers 14:7-8
Gospel – Good News
(normally death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ)
two witnesses went into Canaan to spy it out for Gods people, so they could enter into Gods best for them
Gospel mixed with FAITH, its not enough just to read it
Enter into the blessings God has for us His children
Faith – Trust without reservation, not belief without proof

C. The experience of faith(trust) - Hebrews 4:3
Believe God, trust Him, and accept He has a plan for your life
Some of us do a lot better with eternity than we do tomorrow
If God is worthy of your trust for eternity, He is worthy of your trust for tomorrow
Ask Him to help you get to His best for your life

II. The examples of the “rest” of the Promised Land - Hebrews 4:4-11

A. The example of creation rest - Hebrews 4:4-5
Seventh day -Sabbath (5pm Saturday)
Jewish people turned it into a burden
God wanted US to have a rest
The blessing of rest (His rest, His best)
Instructions for entering into rest

B. The example of Canaan rest - Hebrews 4:6-7
God wanted his people to have when they went to the edge of the Promised Land
Why should they have believed that
God promised it to them!
Tjeyy walked to the edge, and stopped believing the promises
Belief / Obedience

C. The example of Calvary rest - Hebrews 4:8-13; John 19:30;
Matthew 11:28-30
God wanted Israel to enjoy His very best He had set up for them. They missed it because they didn’t believe
Caleb took his mountain for God
David
Solomon
The rest still remains for us
Don’t be satisfied with just getting out of Egypt
III. The examination of the residents of the Promised Land - Hebrews 4:12-13
How do I know if I am going in the right direction, genuinely, with right motives?

A. Examined by the Word of God - Hebrews 4:12
Vs. 12
Read the Bible
Discern,
the word of God will be a critic of your life
GPS system for my life, the Word of God

B. Examined by the God of the Word - Hebrews 4:13

God sees our lives
Vs. 13 We have the God of the Word to help us to understand where we are
You can’t fool God
Nothing is hidden from Him
Journey from salvation to Gods best for my life
I have to enter into Gods best for my life
Saved in order that we might serve
Eph. 2:10
We are saved FOR good works
(Lord, what are the good works you have for me to do)
Find out how I can get to Gods best for my life

Reflect on what God has saved me from

So thankful to be alive, show me how I can help (serve You)

Discover what God wants

Fearfully enter into Gods plan for my life

His rest is His best
“Lord, whatever you want, whatever you have for me”

Hebrews ~ Going on with God
God has so much more for us than we could ever dream
(I have had feelings of “this is it, there’s nothing more”)

( In Prayer: He has so much more for us to know than we take time to learn)

Matthew West 'Story of Your Life' Tour w/ Special Guests Josh Wilson and Richard Andrew

2011-02-22T16:18:00.000-08:00

"Is this the end, or only the beginning"........ MW, Story of Your Life

The Rivers Edge church, Rancho Cucamonga, CA

I was listening to 89.7 KSGN online one afternoon when I heard Matthew West was doing his 'Story of Your Life' tour (his first stop on the tour!) and making his one and only Southern California stop in Rancho Cucamonga.- Christian recording artist Richard Andrew ,who is worship leader at that church and whom I got to know two years ago, was opening. I thought of how cool it would be to be there but because of the drive and the time it was supposed to start and end, didn't think it was going to be possible. But I prayed anyway.......and God answered!
I purchased tickets online two or three weeks in advance. For weeks I was practically bouncing off the walls (my roommate can attest to that), so excited to get to worship with Richard for the third time. And it would be my second time seeing Matthew West in concert (first time seeing Josh Wilson). When purchasing the tickets, I made a mistake in typing my address and immediately sent an e-mail to the ticket agency. So when I thought they should have been here, they weren't. I panicked, but I did have a receipt I printed on my computer (right b4 my printer died, ha!). That same day I received a phonecall from an itickets.com representative saying my ticket bounced back to them and they would have it for me at willcall. (WHEW!)

What a night He (God) had planned for me!

The two hour drive was excruciating, I don't know how I survived. I could not wait (my dad was jokingly poking fun of my excitement the whole time, the turd! He's lucky I wasnt siting close enough to smack him ;). I feared the seating arrangements. Would their wheelchair seating be waaaaay in the back? If I sat front row, would I be able to understand what was being sung? Most concerts the intruments are wicked loud, and their wheelchair seating (or is it my vision? ha) makes the artists look an inch tall and three miles away. I was saved a seat in the front =) where RE staff led me right to the spot when I got there. I inquired of earplugs, and someone went and got me a pair! Crazy thing was I hardly had to use them. But by the last three songs, even with them in it was hard to hear/understand the words. My ears were STILL ringing! But it was SOOO totally worth it!!!!!!!
I thought I was going to get to sit with RA and his wife Shawn (now worries you two!), and was sad I never did see another RA fan that friended me on FB. Didnt know the people I was sitting around. Somehow, that didn't matter to me. I became lost in the music and stories of the evening.
Richard Andrew opened the evening with three of his songs (too short if you ask me, Haha!).
Take My Will ~ "Take my will, make it Your own. I'm on my knees letting go. Seeking more of You, finding less of me and now I'm free. Take my will, let Your kingdom come, let Your will be done".
Wave A Hand ~ I waved both hands in the air, and got so into it I just about 'wave'd myself right out of my powerchair! I hope nobody noticed (:sheepish grin:)
None Compare ~ My all time fave since the very first time I hear it! I was trying to close my eyes in worship, but at the same time didn't want to take my eyes off of the stage.

Josh Wilson was second to perform. I had heard one or more of his songs before, but tonight his music was better than I remember. Ha, thre's somethignh to be said about hearign live performances of your favorite songs. Wow. Unlike Richard Andrew and Matthew West, it was just Josh Wilson with a band loop pedal.

Shine On Us
Before The Morning
Savior Please
Always Only You
I Refuse
Amazing Grace (Instrumental, with the band loop pedal, which was AWESOME!)

In his introduction, Matthew West mentioned that this was his first stop on the "Stories" tour, as well as the ONLY So. Cal. stop. COOL! That just made it even more memorable. During his portion of the concert (he just happened to be the last one to play), between songs he played portions of his DVD. (I have watched it two or three times since that night).

Nearly every one of his songs had something that spoke to me

Strong Enough ~

"You must think I'm strong, to give me what I'm going through"

~
The Lord doesnt put anything on us that He doesnt think we can handle. (I often wish the Lord wouldnt think ME so strong, haha.)
~ Phil 4:13 (=D) Just happens to be my favorite verse of all time!
My move out of Montana, health issues, job woes.....all caused me to lose sight of the 'Bigger Picture'.
( Negative "What if"'s....... "Lord, give me a new perspective"
Am I going to decide my life is going to stink from here on out? THIS comment in his video totally and completely hit home for me. This thought is what I've been struggling with since leaving Montana)

Family Tree ~ I have Christs legacy

To Me ~(pain of school)
I was made fun of a lot in school, because of the way I looked, how I walked (or didn't walk). I missed a lot of school growing up even into college because of surgery, doctor appointments, and now these headaches and nausea.

"There are two kinds of people in this world; dream crushers 'Your not able to do it' and dream makers ~ 'Well, you know what? I'm going to do it anyway!'.
I was told I would never live past the age of two. I am now in my my mid-thirties. I was told I would never walk. I did...., but not until I was almost two. I was told I was not cut out for college. I graduated after eleven years earning BOTH an Associate's AND a Bachelors degree. I wheeled on stage to accept my diploma, and as I wheeled off I lifted my eyes and hands to Heaven praising God, knowing it was by His amazing grace that afforded me such an accomplishment.

I lost my digital camera right before the concert , Oh not good!! Mom and dad said they would let me borrow theirs. Last minute I just happened to be looking for something in my purse and lo and behold, THERE it was at the bottom!!! Cool! I was able to take lots of pictures. (Sadly, only a few really turend out. My best picture......one taken with Matthew West.

One Less ~ made me think about my dream for adoption

Your A Survivor ~ Rocked out to this one, about fell outta the chair! (Ohoh oh's)
Told not to try anymore ("Not cut out for college")
Rom 8:37 ~ ...in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.

Innocence ~ "Love (God) sees perfection"
"Grace can take a broken girl and put her back together"
****God is not done with you yet

The Reason

"Maybe the reason for the pain is so that we would pray for strength. Maybe the reason for the strength is so that we would not lose hope, and maybe the reason for the hope is so that we could face the world and the reason for the world is to make us long for ho-o-o-ome."

The Healing Has Begun
Mercy remebers your name
The tears you hold back, let them fall like rain

The Motions~ (I made this my prayer the first time I heard this song, even more so that night)

"I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything?
Instead of going through the motions

"

In the video, Mattthew West holds up a whiteboard (he had surgery on his throat) ----"the value of this season will no doubt be priceless
God has something to say. To us and through us"

TAKE ME ALL THE WAAAAAAYYY!!!!! (from his song 'The Motions')

Since the concert was late in the evening, and it would be a two hour drive home, we opted to stay in a hotel and drive back in the morning (Mom and dad had a date night while I went to the concert). The concert ended and I was exhausted. But did I WANT to leave?! HA! No. I lingered for as long as I could. ANd I had to hang with Richard once more :D
FINALLY!!! I have an 'RA' t-shirt! Do I get one exactly like my mother's (great story behind how I received that one, I'll never forger 'Tuna and Rice'.)? Or do I check out his different styles? Oh too many choices, I could go for one of each! But sadly, the womens styles didnt fit :'( Too small (crazy to say for this small frame I know!) One shirt stuck out to me. 'Breath = Praise' The Lord seemed to speak as I read those words ~ "As long as I have breath, I have reason to praise Him." Even in light of whatever excruciating circumstances I find myself in.
I showed RA the t-shirt I bought (breath = praise) and he explained it was taken from Psalm 150 verse 6, "Let everything that has breath praise the Lord". The "ra" in 'praise' sports his initials with a circle around it.
Did I sleep once I got to the hotel? Heck no! I was too wound up, and had the evenings songs running through my head most of the night.
The devil had me convinced life was over once I left Montana. God seemed to show me tonight He still wasn't done with me yet.

"This is the joy, this is the pain, and all the pages in between. Your finest hour, your weakest moment is where you've been, where you are, is where you're going".
~ MW, Story of Your Life

ELEVATE~ Helping All God's Children Reach for the Son (AKA- Eeghad am I Ever Tired!)

2010-11-14T14:43:00.000-08:00

I am soooooo wiped out right now, but even more....I am soooooo lovin' it, Haha!

"ELEVATE~ Helping All Gods Children Reach for the Son"

C ~ This little girl was doing something that made me laugh (wish I could remember what it was now). She kept getting in my face (playfully) and telling me not to laugh, which only made me laugh even more. Then she would tell some of other adults that I was laughing. This little girl is in love with the fact that our names are so similiar. Becasue of it, we have bonded very well.

N ~ Wow, does he EVER have energy! Can I have some of it pleeease? This little guy he's somewhere between 3 and five, (looks like he's barely three) not only did he wear me out, but he melted my heart today. He asked me "Where's your dog?", in a a sweet little voice (Alehe has an eye infection, I've had to put ointment in her eyes twice a day). During part of our sundayschool time he spent in one of our other rooms (he doesnt sit still very well, biblestory time is difficult for him). He had a great time drawing (scribbling) on the whiteboard or bouncing/rolling a giant-sized ball you normally use for yoga. He's definately a mover and a shaker.

I am SO going to bed early tonight! I cannot wait for next week to see what God has in store.

Third Graders

2010-11-03T15:20:00.000-07:00

Today I started helping out with the third graders @ Avocado Elemtary school. I was in Mrs. Leibernicht's class and it was great!

What was I doing in there you ask? Haha, glad you asked (Okay, so I was going to share with you anyway).

My favorite thing.....reading!

Children had storeis they had read and were to anser questions they were to answer aabout what they had read (reading comprehension, ugh!!!)Did a lot of helping students pro

helping students with language
(some ESL students too :)
correcting papers

ran into a teacher whom I went to church with @ CABC

Alehe was a big hit after school while waiting for my dad to pick me up.

So starting Friday I will be working with two classrooms. The second one being a special education kindergarten class! YaY! I can't wait to go back!!!!

New Condo!

2010-10-29T12:12:00.000-07:00

One week before this past Thanksgiving I was blessed to be able to move into a condominium (=thanks to my aunt and my parents =). We had been looking since it was decided I was moving back to So. Cal., and whilst unfortunately I did not find one in the same complex as my best friend (:'() (believe me, I tried), I did manage to find one relatively close.

The Remington (reminds me of a stuffed bear I had as a kid with the same name). I prayed for and low and behold got a tennis court, weightroom and swimming pool/hot tub. (Now if it would just warm up so that I could actually USE the pool! I can see it from my livingroom window, and its beckoning!)

The community college is relatively close to the condo, so we advertised for a PCA through the college. A few people were interviewed and found a young gal that I really liked as a live-in. We get along great, and have had fun together. There is a Denney's down the road and we've gone out to eat a few times. Sometimes just the two of us, or on occasion with her fiance' and his friend (we are a riot!). If for any reason I ever needed a back-up, there is another young gal who lives in the same complex who is willing to help when needed. There is even an RN who lives outside the complex but still close enough she could help out if need be. (thank You Lord!)

It's been great so far, the gal I hired as a live-in is also into horses, has a 2 year-old Jack Russel/Blue Heeler mix (named Miley), and goes to church near-by. Miley and Alehe tolerate eachother. On a very rare occasion you can catch them playing.

Lawn maintenance is going to love me - Ah yes, I have managed to tear up the grass with the powerchair on a few occassions now. I had to call home for assistance in getting me out those times too. It had rained, and the ground was extremely soft because of the rain. I did ge to meet a few of our neighbors, however, it was SO nto the way I wanted to be introduced, having to be rescued from the clutches of a soggy wet/muddy lawn. *SIGH*

Come visit me sometime! (pretty please!?)

Shunt Valve Replacement

2010-08-17T14:55:00.000-07:00

So my last dr. appointment I had an interesting development. My parents are downright convinced my shunt is causing all these problems. What with the headaches, nausea, vomioting I've been experiencing. I on the other hand, don't quite know WHAT to think anymore. I am quickly losing faith in anything we try. It only seems to be a temporary fix.

My neurosurgeon made a slight adjustment to the setting of my shunt (using a small magnet). The valve in my shunt controls how much cerebral spinal fluid is flowing in the brain. The MRI machine, because it uses a magnet, could mess with the setting just a bit, but the last time they did one the tech didn't think it necessary to do an xray to double-check (I should have said something, dang NOW I think of it!). My neurosurgeon made a slight adjustment anyway, even though it was only off by a tenth, but the slightest adjustment COULD make a difference with me, you just never know.

Three x-rays later as it took a bit to get my HEAD adjusted correctly so they could see the valve, aaaaand he has me in x-ray once again..... this time he is in there with me and the x-ray tech to make sure it is done exactly how he wants it, so that he can see the valve in question. After the final x-ray I look over as he is walking back into the room. He has a dumbfounded look on his face, and my jaw drops. He couldn't believe it, but the valve was broken. HOW that happened is a mystery to all of us. (I've bumped my head on occassion, but I didnt think anything that hard). I prayed the night before that we would find something, but don't think I was quite ready for the answer just yet.

A second appointment on 7-29-10 confirmed surgery. Unfortunately, a date not be set until a few weeks later. It seems that calling surgery scheduling they could only gurantee it woould be in the next six to eight weeks! WHAT?! No Way!!!!! Nuh-uh, NOT waiting that long, sorry! They said I could be placed on the cancellation list, if somoen's surgery just happened to be cancelled for any reason I could be up for that date. Whew! I did just that. Then it was a phonecall to my neurosurgeons office asking if he could do something to bump up the date. I didn't hear for two days. Another phonecall, and I left a voicemail. The next day I get a call from surgery scheduling. They could schedule my surgery for August 16th. Yes, I'll take it! HO but the two-week wait to get it done was going to be excruciating. I SO want to be done with the headaches already! ("I want it done...yesterday!")

What was originally going to be a 45 minute procedure under local anesthetic turned into a two-hour suergery under general anesthetic due to positioning me just right and I am sure other things too (My back and hiops just don't like to cooperate sometimes).

They gave me the sedative....aaaand thats the last thing I remember. No wheeling into the OR, getting me on the table, putting me underrr... nuthin'. They shot the sedative into the I.V and the room slowly started to spin. I'm smiling, LOL! Annnnd she OUT!
I remember waking up in recovery. I did not want to wake up. It felt good to sleep. I vaguely remeber being wheeled into my room.

Food was just mediocre, nuthin special. One of the reasons I couldn't wait to get out of there! Would you honestly feed your family that crap?! I immediately missed my cousins cooking.

The nurses were borderline annoying. Why did I bother giving the hospital a medication list? The nurses almost never got it right. Oh the right medications yes, but the wrong doses or times to be given. One nurse tried to refuse to give my heart meds. She said my bloodpressure was too low for me to take them. It took me four times to convince her they were not for my bloodpressure, they were for my tachycardia. And yes, my bloodpressure is a bit on the low side becasue of it, this we already knew. It is well monitored. (I think my bloodpressure was goinG UP at this point) When I was discharged later I foudn teh list, at home on my desk along with another paper I was supposed to give the hospital. Haha, Oops. Maybe I filled out another one for them. Shoot, I can't remeber.

Only took pain meds once while in the hospital, and after that it was 2 Ibuprofen before going to bed the night after surgery.

It has now been three days since surgery, and I have not been woken up by a headache.

GLORY!!!!!

It's Tough Being a Woman.....week 8

2010-07-22T18:14:00.000-07:00

Often, when we thrill to the realization of a call from God, we picture going from our faces to our feet as He increasingly elevates our position. The reverse however, is often truer in the earthly realm.

(Esther 8:3)

Esther had come to royal position for such a time as this

To accomplish our call, we must be humbled far more than exalted, though God certainly lifts up His faithful servant in due time

somewhere deep inside our selfish selves we really don't believe that life is all about us

...whose passion for God only swells with time, hitting it's highest pitch with the last breath
I want this passion!

1Sam 8:20 - begging God for a human "king" who would lead me and go out before me and fight my battles. I didn't see my request as a replacement for God. I spiritualized my quest for an earthly hero by agreeing to see him as a gift from God.

He (God) not only see the desires of our hearts, but He also looks straight into the heart of our desires and knows when we are asking - even accidentally - for a false Christ

God is jealous for our true enduring hero to be His own Son. He answers my prayers to love Jesus above all else by allowing someone to disappoint me and prove insufficient for me

Sometimes God wants to show us what we can do rather than let us find someone who can do it for us

sometimes you and I are looking for someone to stand up and do what God wants us to do

...wanted someone to step in and break the chain of bondage....instead God started that process by breaking me

****...one reason God dissuades us from making champions of human kind is to keep us from falling in love with the night and paying no worship to the glorious Son.****

Sometimes God calls us to wait

Every morning God already knows each joy and concern that our day holds

God's timing is perfect

we must learn to fight an invisible enemy (Eph. 6:10-17) Sometimes we're exactly where we are meant to be - right in the middle of our spiritual Canaan - yet God tests us there to teach us a new level of warfare

One of the hardest parts of being a mother or a mentor is watching our children face a battle we can't fight for them. If God is going to raise our children to be mighty warriors of the faith, He must be free to teach them to fight. ....how can the person experience the exhilaration of victory in a battle they never had to fight. (mom)

Some of us with little previous battle experience have no idea why God is allowing us to go through such difficult times in a place we thought was His will.

God's trying to make warriors out of us

we are guaranteed the victory

God's providence is the theme of Esther, the absence of His obvious activity invites us to imagine the divine activities behind the scene. If we could only see what is happening around us in the unseen realm, our eyes would nearly pop out of socket.
(my water-baptism)

God wasn't forced to think up something new when the book of Malachi rolled to a close and the Gospel o Matthew pounded on His door. God's plan for Israel hadn't fallen through the cracks between Testaments.
(God's plan for me wasn't thwarted when I was moved from Montana back to California)

He will mount the fastest horse in the King's stables and burst through the barriers of human sight and sound with the armies of heaven "following Him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen white and clean (Rev. 19:1) "On His robe and on His thigh He will have written the name King of Kings and Lord of Lords (Rev. 19:16)

Every single time we pray the familiar words "Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven", we are praying for Christ to return in all His majesty.

We never have to leave the King's presence

And remember, "I am with you always, to the end of the age". (Matt. 28:18-20

When a time of happiness comes, I think we outght to take it and run

We often speak of happiness as a less noble term than joyfulness because the former is circumstantial and the latter less conditional.....but when God intervenes in our circumstances and we get a chance not only to know we're blessed but feel blessed, nothing is more appropriate than seizing the happy moment.
(thinking of my experience with RA and his music, "Lord, am I making too much of this?" His response "No, take it and run babe!"

...it is meant by God to be medicine for our weary souls. Times of happiness are glimpses of Heaven until we get there

God tookHis children's mourning, fasting, weeping, and wailing adn turned it into a time of happiness, joy, gladness and honor

Yahweh, the faithful covenant GOd, reversed every negative of His threatened people and turned it intop a postivice

God's people didn't suddenly aquire perfect conditions, they still lived on planet Earth and had fierce battles to fight.

God can reverse every negative element in His child's life and turn it into a positive. He just doesn't diffuse the circumstance, HE transfuses it.

Your God cares about you! He wants to show you what He can do with your life and your negative conditions.

He alone is the author of reversals

...ask the one who has begun a good work in you to complete it

It's Tough Being a Woman....week 9

2010-07-19T20:42:00.000-07:00

:Our purposeful God....
(I serve a purposeful God)

...profound determination to glorify God through their enveloping greif

...playful nurturing hands of Jesus
(I stopped and stared at the word playful...hard ot imaging God as playful)

a large meassure of enjoying womanhood is a heart-connection with other women
(where are women my age?!)

You are highly esteemed by God and He has seen you sow His word in your tears.
...bask in the approval and affection of your God

He knows you and loves you so much. All of your toil is ever before Him.

Esther 9:1 - The Jews themselves overpowered those who hated them
The enemies of the Jews hoped to overcome them, but the opposite occurred.
The key is not that the Jews destroyed the enemy, btu that they assumed a new status of honor and dominion.

Headaches

2010-07-09T16:16:00.000-07:00

Why post about this? I don't know exactly. Writing tends to help me sort through thoughts in my head; whether they be thoughts I wanna remember, such as a great experience I just had, or sorting through emotions of a difficult situation. I guess this is the latter.

God, WHY?

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!

I have struggled with headaches/nausea/vomiting for, oh it's gotta be at least off and on twenty years now. It started around the time of Jr. High, give or take a few years. I believe it was just the vomiting at first, and so we saw doctors about my stomach. We then tried countless medications, some working for only a short time before doing nothing, others doing absolutely nothing, still others making me ten times worse. Yikes! The problem just kept getting worse. I believe at one point a doc said something about too much stomach acid. After a swallow test another doc noticed a vein in my neck near my esophagus making swallowing difficult.

I've gone through so many doctors giving one diagnosis after another. One that had me laughing....false pregnancy. ME: "HAHAHAHAHAA! Yeah Right! For NINE YEARS?!"
One doctor suggested it was stress (duh, hello? Did I not mention school (Jr. High, HS, College....disability on top of that?) I went in for a sleep study because it sounded like sleep apnea to one doctor. They first tried a medication that was supposed to put more oxygen through the bloodstream. That one left me with a severe tingly feeling in the left hand, face and lips. Scratch that! (that was rather spooky) I was pulled off of that medication. Enter the evil CPAP machine. Now I know what an elephant feels like! You ever tried one of those awful things? A small mask over the nose that forces air into your sinuses, and if you happen to open your mouth you feel like you are gasping for air! Well, I couldn't keep it on my face for the life of me. Seems after a few weeks, months....I would take it off in the middle of the night and I would not even remember doing it. (Yes, I sleep that hard, just TRY and wake me up! If you suceed.....DUCK and RUN for COVER! lol!!! Just kidding, but it is still not pretty. Just ask my mother)

I have had numerous surgeries to try and aleviate the problem headaches;
Hydrocephalus (water on the brain) and shunt placements, removals, revisions, a repair of a chiari malformation (portion of skull pressing on the brain), clearing of impacted sinuses (impacted with fluid to the point of near rupture), removal of a dermoid tumor (mass of hair, skin and fat from previous surgeries).

The headaches always came back...and with a vengeance!

Muscle relaxers - worked for a short time, as did everything else. I switched medications a few times, finally finding Amitriptylene, a God-send. Or so I thought up until a few weeks ago. Now I am not so sure. Maybe it is working some still, but definately NOT enough! Because of another medication I was taking for a short time, I was cut back to half a tablet becasue the two meds were in the same family and could react. I was nervous about cutting back. But a whole tablet was making me too drowsy, to a point I did not want to wake up in the morning and was tired alllll day.

I was recently switched from Tylenol, which was said to be horrible for my liver, to Ibuprofen. I was taking three Tylenol at a time, sometimes three times a day as two were doing nothing for me (Extra-strength for crying out loud). But doc switched me to Ibuprofen, and that was a bit weird. The first time I took two... I felt good, almost TOO good, lol! It sort of made me nervous. I thought it might have been too much (I just seemed TOO happy, LOL!). Now even two Ibuprofen are not cutting it, and the last time I took them three doses in one day did not help.

One of my doctors in Montana (who is a believer in Christ) said something to me that was a bit settling "it could be a combination of things causing them, therefore it could be a combination of things we try that get rid of them". Still, we have yet to find that combination!

Memory-foam pillow - not the fix I was hoping/praying for but I never sleep without it now!

Some time ago we bought me a bed that allows me to elevate the head and the legs.. Although still not the solution, it seemed to help a little. Though today no matter how high I get my head it makes no difference.

One doctor who operated on me for this problem joked he was going to buy a one-way ticket out of town if he couldnt figure out what was going on with me (he never did either one to my knowledge...but he has since retired).

It's crazy, but the pain is primarily on the right side, though its been known to fluctuate; from temple down back side of head and neck, occasionally entire back side of head, rarely is it both sides of head, but it has happened. Like somebeody kicked me in the head or stabbed me with a knife.

Could it be something up with my stomach that is causing headaches?
Eating? What I eat, when I eat? Time in between dinner and breakfast too far apart? I asked the doctor about my stomach causing headaches and all he said was that it could be possible, nothing more. Hmph!

I have had countless CT scans and MRI's done. Why, the most recent MRI came back negative and I was emotional on the way home. I was frustrated! I just want to be DONE with them! My favoreite phrase "I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!" About this time I remembered RA's song "None Compare' and the line "Can You see me in the valley?" Okay, the first time I heard this song it was right before my move back to California, and it fit a little better.

Is this the thorn in the flesh Paul was talking about? I wonder.
Why do I feel He is being so silent to my pleas for relief?!
I want to work. But who is going to hire someone who cannot get up beore 8am and is feeling miserable every morning? So I search for afternoon programs working with children, or volunteer in classrooms only a few days a week, setting my own time schedule.

Lord, I am done!

Homeless

2010-07-03T21:53:00.000-07:00

"I'm the one on the corner, a bottle in my hand. Sayin' 'no one understands the path that led me to losing everything that I held dear'..."

The sign, etched on cardboard in black ink, said one word...."starving"; an older gentleman seated down by the San Diego bay, hair scruffy and white, clothes disheveled and dirty. Some distance more a woman in a power chair (my first thought was "Good grief, where does she charge the battery!?") holding yet another sign, only this time I didn't catch what it said.

How do you respond... By quickly turning your head and walking away thankful you're not one of them? Belittling them (in your mind or to their face) for the situation they put themselves in? Or do you grieve for them, praying to God on their behalf as you quietly walk past?

How DO you pray for them? Knowing you'll most likely never see them again, and wishing that one prayer, your prayer, could change the situation immediately?
DO you wonder what their stories are, what they did before they were homeless? Or how they became homeless in the first place?

I thought of my good friend Richard Andrew and his story. I'll tell you what, after meeting Richard and hearing his testimony...I think differently when I see someone on the street, seeking a helping hand.

Those questions I posed earlier? Before meeting Richard I was the one to
try to avoid eye contact, wondering what it was that put them in that situation. I was afraid to look at them, afraid of offending them somehow, wondering what they would think of me if I did look their way as I just walked past.

Growing up I was told never to give them money as you didn't know what they were really going to do with it, whether it was going to be spent on drugs and alcohol. I was young and so I guess it planted a negative impression in my mind. Until now. I met Richard almost two years ago, and then I watched this . Now that I am once again living in So. Cal. where the homeless population is more evident, I am the one, heart aching, praying that somehow things could change for them.

As I type this I am reminded of college and a spring break missions trip I took to Las Vegas with Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship a couple of years ago. We visited two outreaches for homeless and helped out with serving meals, cleaning, repairs....whatever was needed. I sat there quite unsure of what I was supposed to do as no one really assigned me a task...., quietly asking God what it was I could do. "Just love on them". I talked to a family whom I found out came in once a week for a meal - mom, dad, and nine-year-old daughter. That place was called 'The Upper Room'. The second place we went to that week, 'The Open Door'.

I have worked on this post intermittantly for a couple of hours now, sorting through my thoughts of today (of which I cannot get out of my mind) hanging out with family and then coming back to this post and finishing just before bed; and now as I lay in bed wonder.....where are they now, those two people I saw today? Are they fed, where are they sleeping, are they warm?

"....To the good and the faithful, won't you look on them with My eyes?"

It's Tough Being a Woman.....week 7

2010-06-29T15:24:00.000-07:00

James 4:8
God loves her, and what an awesome plan He has for oher life and how He still reveals it through the Bible.

the king had liittle interest in anything that wasn't centered on him. His self-centeredness was his weak spot...

Esther approached the negotiating table with little or no experience, yet she accomplishes the seemingly impossible ....the side-stepping of an irreversible law. The providence of a sovereign God was the overarching reason for her success.

The Holy Spirits power was surely at work in Persia that night Esther just didn't realize it.1 Peter 5:8 warns out enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion lookiing for someone to devour.

....the effectiveness of our enemy to deceive people into thinking that Christianity is bondage, but his path, disguised as human independence, is freedom.

Satan our adversary promises freedom but after gaining trust delivers such destructive entangplements that his victim feels life bieng squeezed otu of him. God on the other hand delivers us to a spacious place where He rescues us because He delights in us

No one comes into teh full throttle poer of their destiny all at once.

Sometiems we take for granted what we have until we see that someone else admires it

End of Esther 7 Jews go from the depths of despair to the death of despair

....prayed for God to fill me and thrill me

The book of Esther....where evil threatens to win and reversals whirl and spin, where orphans become queens and villians trick kings.

...great lives don't always seem great while we're living them. They may seem embarrassingly regular. Seeking to be extraordinary isn't the answer because great lives are never acheived by making greatness the goal.

Haman, a man poisoned by his own pursuit of greatness, driven by selfish ambition, his life ended tragically.

God given personality is goign to propel her

Every gift is a trust placed in human hands by a holy God

Spending ourselves for something infinately greater still fans our parched souls with the God-given need to matter, but releives us of the relentless pain of being teh "It" person at the center of it

embrace teh glory of God as our purpose

least act renders the ordinary, extraordinary

acts of high worhip when offered in teh name of Christ. He beholds the sight likea breathtaking work of art, tilting His head to study each subtle detail. (Mark 14:6)

Christ summons the disillusioned to the paradoxical bliss of spilling life lavishly, sacrificially for the glory of God and the good of man.

To live for the greatness of God is to live the great life

KSGN's Making A Difference Tour

2010-06-26T21:49:00.001-07:00

KSGN - Making a Difference Tour
Richard Andrew, Jadon Lavik, Raymond Gregory
Harvest Christian Fellowship --- Riverside, California

I was hoping to attend in person and was going to, even invited to sit front row until mom and dad had to go out of town on business. Drats. I was gonna get a t-shirt from Richard and have both my mom and I wear them together that night. I invited people to go too, and prayed about certain people going. But watched it online instead, and believe I had almost as much fun.

Raymond Gregory
Although his first song I wasn't crazy about his style or his voice, he even seemed a bit uncomfortable at first, by the second or third song I was really enjoying his music and he seemed to loosen up quite a bit. What a great sense of humor too, even in his music!
"As long as Your on my side, I'll be wealthy" ~ A song lyric of his that really jumped out at me tonight. And when I first heard 'Happily Married' on the radio, I will confess it wasn't a song I particularly cared for, only because I am not (yet, I hope? Hint hint Lord???) But for some reason, tonight it had a different feel, and I responded differently to it. I dunno, can't explain really.

Richard Andrew
Now *here's* the reason I watched tonight, and frankly I couldn't wait! Oh yeah, I coulda watched him aaaaallll night! I made a comment on the tour site about three o'clock this afternoon, going crazy because it was still four hours away! HaHA!
I had to laugh at myself really, I saw Richard up on stage getting ready to sing right after someone got up and said a few words, and I became r-e-a-l-l-y excited "There he is, there he is!" I'm such a nut!
"Knocking On Heaven's Door". God's telling me regarding my future and the plans that He has for me, "keep on asking, Keep on seeking, KEEP on knocking, whatever you do , don't give up!".
As he is singing an acoustic version "None Compare", my all-time FAVORITE song of his, he shares with the audience (I'm sure those online as well as in person) that God was speaking to someone. "He can see you in the valley, He can hear you call His name" Don't know if that was meant just for me, hope someone else got it too, but it still made me smile.
His drummer sure looked like he was having a blast! That was awesome to see! I know I was. I was trying to recline in my power chair while watching but it didn't work. I was sitting up in my chair having a grand ol' time, dancing and waving to his song 'Wave a Hand'. "I'm no longer the man I used to be. Thank God almighty I'm free at last I'm free......!"
I did not want his set to end!!! I secretly hoped he would even sing a new song, but was thankful for what he did sing tonight.I even sang along, I believe to all of them!

Greg Laurie, pastor of Harvest Christian Fellowship got up and gave a brief word just before Jadon Lavik was up to sing. Pastor Laurie spoke about the woman at the well. I have heard so many pastors preach on this. The one line I really remember and that spoke to me was "Jesus didn't point a finger at her failings."

Jadon Lavik
I am a new fan of Jadon Lavik. His music was crazy good! A little country, a little rock...... My most favorite song was "What If". Again, God really got me here. , something he's been speaking to me lately "I couldn't love you any more or less than I do". Other lines in his music that stuck out to me - "I surrender it all to you" and a line from his song 'I Just Want to Praise You' ~ "Daily I'm forgiven, daily I'm renewed"

I still can't believe, watching it online I still had that much fun. I still acted as though I was there in person, even though I was at home, in my room.

It's Tough Being A Woman.....week 6

2010-06-20T21:59:00.000-07:00

Just to know we are significant to God and He's willing to orchestrate a holy set-up to speak to us is monumental to every woman who ever feared she was invisible or unremarkable.

If our ears were opened to hear them, the sounds of angelic activity would be deafening

All sorts of things are happening in the Heavenlies around us

Esther ch. 6 - the Jews in Susa, terrified and far from the temple, had no idea how close God was

Sometimes Christ walks through our crisis dressed in the best disguise of all: ordinary events. He tucks a miracle in the fold of his robe and sweeps in and out unnoticed. Only in retrospect do we realize that a divine visitation graced our cold, crude winter and the ressurection of spring is on it's way.

Oh for the wosdom of God to know that if the answer comes to early, we'd miss His greatest act.

Sometimes, when God takes our sleep, He simply has something to say

God desires my company

Just to know we are significant to Him and He's willing to orchestrate a holy set-up to speak to us is monumental

God is deeply attentive to our most secret hurts, concerns and hopes

When the God of all creation reserves a remark for you, Beloved, that's all you need to be remarkable

We, like Haman, might be to self-absorbed and self-convinced to realize that we've become someone we can't stand

If we have a heart for Christ and an authentic desire to pursue godliness, lessons like these become protection as much as conviction

Luke 19:38 - a kingship conferred by God alone

Gen. 2:9...becoming fixated on the one thing they couldn't have, cheating themselves out of the goodness and creativity God offered

Glance over at your Bible. Think what you've been through with God in those pages. Think of the hope, guidance, assurance, and affection you've sought. Think how thankful you are that God wrote something you can hold to your chest, rocking back and forth, when your heart is shattered and your sight too bluured to read

We learn from scripture as much as what we don't want to be as what we do

haman was suffering from a case of mistaken identity

Prov. 18:6,7

Pride is a state of the heart that, sooner or later, is betrayed by the mouth
(Matt. 12:34)God created man with an undeniuable heart-mouth connection. .....what's in the heart will inevitably come out the mouth

In His grace, however, God always provides a way of escape

We might glean several things from Mordecai's example. If we get overlooked for affirmation or promotion, so be it. Let's just do our job. If we get elevated and celebrated, so be it. Let's just do our jobs. Let's pursue a walk with God so close that the spotlights of this world - be they for us or against us - are eclipsed by His enormous shadow cast on our path

...free to be neither depressed nor impressed with the capricious reactions of this carnal world.

Luke 19:30-38
a kingship fonferred by God alone

...goodness and creativity God offered

The Bible....Think of what you've with God in those pages. Think of the hope, guidance, assurance and affection you've sought. Think hosw thankful you are that God wrote something you can hold to your chest, rocking back and forth when your heart is shattered and your sight too blurred to read.

We learn as much from Scripture about what we don't want to be as what we do.

Haman was suffering from a chronic case of mistaken identity.

Prov. 18:6 - 7

Pride is a state of the heart that, sooner or later, is betrayed by the mouth. Matt. 12:34 "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks"God created man with an undeniable heart-mouth connection.

In His grace, however, God always provides a way of escape

We might glean a few things from Mordecai's example. If we get overlooked for affirmation or promotion, so be it. Do your job. If w get elevated and celebrated, then so bie it. Let's just do our jobs. Let's pursue a walk with God so close that the spotlight of this world- be they for us or against us - are eclipsed by His enormous shadow cast on our path.

....free to be neither depressed nor inpressed with the capricious reaction of this carnal world.

We can find our signifigance and satisfaction in the shelter of the Most High.

Lee Sizemore produced ovrt 100 (biblestudy) series and with numerous authors. Without exaggeration, God used one individual to alter the entire landscape of Christian discipleship as we know it. And here's the catch. He did it all from a wheelchair. He'd been all over the world in that crazy chair to tape Biblestudies.
He poured himself out like a drink offering , often amid physical discomfort and pain - so that peoplecould learn how to know Christ through Gods Word.

Sometimes we wait and wait for God to move, then when He does, we protest that He is moving too fast. Our cries "Lord, why do You wait?" turn into "Lord, wait!"

My Time @ Gage

2010-06-19T22:00:00.001-07:00

Today was my first day with the k-2nd graders since my surgery, and what an AMAZING day it was! I came into the classroom and heard each child gasp as they realized I had returned. Phenominal feeling! They were excited to be working with me again (or was it the dog, Idk. lol!) Today definately was a mood lifter.

Teachers tells me today one of her students asks her every day- "Is today an Alehe day?"

TOday: Had a volunteer luncheon @ Gage Elementary. Received a t-shirt, volunteer pin and a certificate. Had the most hours of any volunteer. Nominated for volunteer of the year. One teacher I volunteer for gave me a nice gift and her students each hand made me a card. So blessed! I love Love LOVE what I do!!!!!! (Allie even received a box of dogbones :) )

Fifteen minutes left into my day with the second graders the teacher asks which student would likke to work with me on beginning their homework assignment. At least fifteen hands go up. She chooses one, fourteen whiney "awwwwww"s follow. LOL! I love it!!!

Last day of the year and 2nd grade teacher tells me she hopes I will be back in the fall

The Rivers Edge........Part 2

2010-06-14T23:02:00.000-07:00

'All God's promises are "Yes!" and "Amen!" All God's promises are true'......okay, we didn't exactly sing this song on Sunday, but it is stuck in my head as I type this.
Gods promises, the phrase has been haunting me for quite some time. What are they? What are they for me, specifically? Sunday's sermon just happened to be a confimatoin that God knows whats going on in this big head of mine, and I believe it's just the beginning.

Come into the presence of God with a willing heart, and receive what He has for you that day

Heirs to the Promise

Believe what God says about you and the promises that God has made to you
A promise made gives hope, confidence, an expectation of the fulfillment of that promise in your life
When God makes a prommise, there is nothing in Heaven or on earth that can ever come up that God says He cannot keep that promise. Hope and expectancy God will do what He says He is going to do!
He cannot force you to believe Him
You must first believe that His promises are for you in order to walk in them with hope, confidence, and expectancy
Galatians 3:6-9
Abraham - father of faith, believed God and took God at His word
Even when it did not make sense in the natural, even when it was uncomfortable, and even when it wasn't very popular.
"I'm gonna believe You God".
Genesis 22:15-18
Abraham and Issac
(my leaving Montana for California?)
God - "Give it to me, see what I can do in you". (my dreams for the future)
Sometimes the most valuable things is what's holding us back from the promises of God being released in our lives.
Abraham said 'Yes" to God
trusted God with everything he had

Romans 4:20-21

(obedience)
.....that what He had promised, He was also able to perform
God promised certain events would happen in the future. Abraham simply believed God
hugest obstacles of our life believe God for what He will say and will do
Holy Spirit = Promise keeper, Promise Helper
Gal. 3:16 - To Abraham and his seed (us, the body of Christ) were the pronmises made.
(Abrahamic Promises)
These promises were not in the natural
made to those who would put their trust in Christ
We have the promise of Abraham if we put our trust in Christ
Galatians 3:13-14 (Faith)
Christ came to not only save us fromredeem somethign but to giove us somethign as well
If we were just saved, that is something to rejoice about, if we were just redeemed that is something to get excited about
There are some promises that He has layed out in my life, that if I would just grab hold of those promises and begin to walk in the confidence, hope,and expectancy that He can do what He says He can do in my life......
*** God ~ "Watch how I'll build you to be used in God's kingdom"
Crazy enough to believe God....Do what He says, leave the results up to God
God loves that kind of heart
Galatians 4:1-8
Holy Spirit -Helps me to fulfill all God has called me to do
No limits in my life
Do it His way
view yourself properly
live your life out in that manner, as a child of God
Gal. 4:1
I can get stuck walking and talking like a slave
Living as a child of promise
Grace - Gods sovereign divine abiltiy to get the job done on our behalf when we can't do it
No one can earn the promises
Grace through faith
I have the capability to be righteous, to be holy because of what Christ has done on the cross for me
New Identity in Christ
Do your best, God will do the rest
confidence, hope, expectation
Romans 4:13
8:14-17
Genesis 22
Ephesians 3:6, 20-21
Titus 3:4-7
Hebrews 6:13-14;17-18
God cannot make a promise to His seed that He is not willing, able and capable to fulfill. Belive God, be fully convinced
James 2:5 - poor of this world rich in faith
If God says he is going to do it, He will fulfill it
Believe God
Galatians 22:15-18
Abraham was blessed
The earthly stuff is secondary, not the primary stuff, the primary stuff is tbe spiritual side of posessing the gates of the enemy. this taking ground that which the enemy has stolen, this 'taking back'.
6 to the 22nd power - the multiplication God wants to do in our life, in the spiritual realm
simple obedience to His voice
Have I put limits on God?
Ephesians 3:20-21
Why do we put limits on a limitless God?
Is there any enemy too great for us?
confidence, hope, expectancy we have the promises of God. The gates (authority) of Hell shall not prevail, victory is ours
Matthew 16:18-19
I can hold myself back
The devil is fearful that I might get ahold of this
The devil wants to bring doubt and disbelief
I want to start acting, walking, talking like it
Church is about giving my life away, I don't know what it looks like
(Book of Acts)
confindence, hope, expectancy
If thats the way they did it Lord, than I want it in my life
Amm I feeling defeated, do I keep judging myself at this refrence point of trying to live under the law?
How do I view my Heavenly Father? As a taskmaster, ready to slap your hand at the slightest infraction
I can never measure up, be the Christian God wants me to be, do what he asks me to dolosing the joy of the Lord of your life
Grace of God
God has promises for me to live out, things for me to do
GOd is going to work on my behalf
My reference point, God's work on the cross, his blod shed for me
God calls us to go forward. QUIT GOING BACK!

I was just thinking about RA's tagline on his website. Part of a song he wrote.....~ "Holding back the flood you'll find a rainbow." Hmmmmmm. Now I can't wait to listen. There are messages in this series, I may just have to keep following along online.

The Rivers Edge

2010-06-14T20:34:00.000-07:00

"There you found me on the bottom the forgotten and there the Angels came and surrounded all my problems, crying "Holy!" and singing "Jesus Reigns!"

I was going to visit my friend Richard Andrew at his church in Rancho Cucamonga, California. Ironically, its the same city where my dad grew up. It was a great way to sucker....um, talk my parents into going! Come to find out, it was closer to my dad's childhod home than we thought. We had talked about visiting for weeks, maybe even months I dunno, but something always happened....one of us was getting hurt and/or having surgery.
He sends me a message over FB about visiting his church as he is leading worship and sdoing all songs that he had written. I message him back saying I would work on it. His reply ~ "Cool! I'm gonna pray you guys in!" I decide to do the same.
A week ago we were finally able to fit it into our schedule, not the week we originally wanted, but a visit none-the-less. I sent him a message letting him know. The week was not going by fast enough! By Wednesday I wrote on his FB wall-"Is it Sunday yet?", he doing the same by Saturday afternoon, making me laugh. I wanted Saturday to be over in a hurry, but feared Sunday just might do the same if I wished it by too fast. I went to bed early (9PM) because with the 1 1/2 hour drive, I had to get up eaerly to be at service by 10AM, and with these headaches and nausea I have been waking up with for quite some time, I desperately wanted to avoid that Sunday morning as much as I could. Alas, try as I might I just couldn't sleep. I was too excited! I slept, but not that deep sleep that makes it seem like its been five minutes and it's really been a few hours. I felt like I slept for hours and it had only been about fifteen minutes! ARGH! I did this three or four times. Six-thirty came...Finally, Up-An'-At-'Em, I did NOT want to be late! U nfortunately it took me some time to get motivated, as I feared it would. THe headache attacked, btu I was determined it would not keep me from my mission.....worship with Richard Andrew and the folks at The Rivers Edge.
The drive up there took FOR-EV-ER! (my dad even joked about changing his mind about us going....I didn't laugh. THAT was cruel!) I musta looked at my watch every five to fifteen minutes on the drive up("Are we there yet?!") , and I did NOT want to be late!!! I was hoping to catch him before service started, letting him know I was here. I had wanted to sneak up on him and start singing the first line to his song 'Wave A Hand' ~ "Pardon me have we met before? You look familiar but I still can't tell for sure. Can't explain the similarities of what it is that makes ya look like me well....", but I swear he must have told people in his church I was coming because someone had spilled the beans as soon as I got in the door. Uh, well, as soon as I saw him my mind went blank, dang! I guess I was excited? lol! And so was he once he saw me! Ohmygoodness the whole time we talked before and after service he was like a little kid in a candy shop, all excited and animated!
Two things I regret not doing that night. I did not get a picture with MY camera phone (THANKYOU JODY for the picture!!!) and not sitting next to him in the service (but then again i DID tell him I was going to sit front row when he led worship.
He led three or four songs for worship at the very beginning....and I thought that was the end of worship! "WHAT?! Thats IT?! NOOOOOOOO, I didn't comne all this way for three songs!" Haha, my bad. After a few announcements and such, he was back on stage for the second set. Whew! And the second set was nothing short of annointed!
~'Take My Will'
~"None Compare'
~'Cry'n Holy'
Worship got done and I secretly hoped it would have lasted the entire service. I am a worshipper, what can I say?! \o/ I must have had my arms raised in worship the entire time. \o/ My arms are still feeling it!
The messsage. I thought I heard Pastor Debbie Hornsby say something near the end of announcements about preaching on tithing. My first thought was "Oh, great." A touchy subject for me being that I am on public assistance (SSI). Well, at least the worship was good, even if that was all God brought me up here for. Hahahaha, boy was I SO wrong! As it turns out that her husband, pastor Gary Hornsby, spoke on God's promises. I was abundantly blessed by that message. God was speaking to me SO much, I am sure I missed a lot of what was preached because my hand could not write fast enough. It was a bummer they didn't have sermon notes in their bulletin, so I improvised and used the back of an announcement sheet, and then ran out of room so I had to go searching for another piece of paper to write on....found a piece of paper in my Bible and ran out of room on that one too! LOL!!! As soon as the message is posted on their church website I will listen again and post here.
Richard came back on stage and picked up his guitar, started playing only to have a bit of background music for the pastor to close out the service. Dang! I was SO hoping he was going close us out in worship. :'( I couldn't leave without seeing Richard after service. When he asked me what I thought, I couldn't help a huge grin wiping across my face. This day was exactly what the Doctor ordered, and Richard said that he could sense it even during pastors message. Whoa, talk about a huge confirmation to what God was speaking...(I am almost crying while writing this sentence)!
At the end of the service I had another wonderful opportunity waiting for me. I had the pleasure of meeting one of Richards friends in person. See, he introduced us online. And there was a funny story behind the post that started our friendship. The three of us had our picture taken together (YES, I FINALLY have a picture with Richard!).
Mom and dad had a difficult tinme getting me out the door. I coulda hung out with Richard all day! Why couldn't God have put us closer together geographically?! Before I even left the building I got the brilliant idea (or was it God-given) to start praying about when the next time God would give us the opportunity to fellowship together again. As I was getting ready for bed that night, mom mentioned I might ask as a Christmas present to go back and se him at his church again. Uh, Lord????????

As far as that whole vening goes, dad says he cannot remember the last time he sasw me so happy..

It's Tough Being A Woman....week 5

2010-06-03T17:40:00.000-07:00

The Gold Scepter
God ~ "Reach out and take hold of your destiny!"

Esther 5:2
When he saw Queen Esther standing in the court, he was pleased with her and held out to her the gold scepter that was in his hand. So Esther approached and touched the tip of the scepter.

(Esther 4:16 ~ If I perish, I perish)

session four - face our worst fears
the enemy and our own self-destructive natures combine to taunt us with "what if's". Once we are in Christ, Satan has no authority to destroy us.

Once Satan sees what we believe would be the end of us, he threatens and torments us with it. (Prevents us from being all God wants us to be

Our conditional trust positions us as negotiators and beggars before God instead of secure children

.....secure children who trust their lives to the faithful Father

When fears become reality, we are devistated, thinking God is unfaithful. Satan essentially gets what he wants - us to believe that life is over. Unless opur belief system chages, it is! (Prov. 23:7 As a man thinks in his heart, so is he)
we are free and safe to voice our worst nightmares to God

...trust Him no matter what (this wil only make us stronger)

most of what we fear never happens

Our only steadfast defenses against life's certain uncertainties is unconditional trust in a Savior who loves us more than his own life

If....Then statements

If surgery Then God will take care of me
If I doubt Then God has a plan
If no job Then God desires to accomplish something monumental in me
If singleness Then Gods going to demonstrate His sufficiency to me
If I perish Then God will welcome me in Heaven

Clearly she appeard before Xerxes as none other than the Queen of the vast Persian empire
(with confidence)
(Approaching God's throne)

How often does our own King hold out the scepter of approval and though we inch forward in timid approach we chose not to reach out and touch it?.....who knows what mighty deliverance is at hand!
Rev. 22:16 - 17 ~ "Come!"

(Esther 4:16) Esthers actions were illegal

Xerxes knew something was wrong based on her demeanor and not just her broken protocol

"....What troubles you Hagar?" Gen. 21:17
"What ails you....?" Psalm 114:5

He (God) asked her (Esther) what was troubling or ailing her (Tell God)

Sometiems God is more aware than we of just how much He requires of us. He knows how hard it's going to be for us.

I persist becasue it appears to be God's will (talking about her speaking and writing)

When you blow it, do you wait a long time before trying again? Do you feel teh need to always make an 'A'?

....sometimes just surviving certain tasks without falling apart is our best and in those times, God is not ashamed of our performance. He's proud of us for fighting overwhelming human emotions to do His will. He is intersted in our heartsHe loves our willingness and obedience despite our insecurities

Man is still God's prized creation and most valued treasure

...deny ourselves,; our selfishness, ambition, pasts, or any damaged emotions the right to cheat us of His far higher plans for us

He's just not willing to leave things dead

Any time God calls us to die, his purpost is to reveal larger life (Me:"What could possibly be greater in Ca than here in Mt?")

Esther 5:9 - what is troubling beyond coincidence is that the Jews were at their lowest

A frightening circumstance may remain exactly the same, but God's child need not

A terrifying thing had ha[[ened while evil basked in its success: prayer and fasting. A godless man had no idea teh well of divine power a person cvould access from praying knees. There abides the drink that can stady the legs of a lamb led to slaughter while a wolf howls proudly nearby.

(If I didn't move to Montana/California, look what I might have missed.)

Courage is not eh absence of fear, but doign whatever it is inspite of fear.

One reason we desperate;ly need to know our standing in God's eyes is so that we are not consumed with high standing in our own eyes or the eyes of others.

We can serve from our knees on earth becasue we are seated with the King in heaven

God compiled the whole cannon of Scripture to teach us about human nature as well as His nature. God's full intent is for us to view them side by side.

....wants us to know He is God asd we are not. He also wants us to see who we were meant to be when he formed us in His image

Discontent with selfishness and weary of ego, we finally become willing to lose ourselves to something greater ....we find Christ as we've never known Him. ....and startle to discover that part o fourselves resembles Him.
(2Pter 1:3-4)

Haman's boasts (his wealth, status, ) Apparently, the only ones who goty to talk were those who talked about him.

...letting my preoccupation with one person steal teh joy that countless others brought me (people younget than me, getting married, having children)
...mental preoccupation.... we serve whatever masters us

our bondage, stronghold, can be a person.... he or she consumes an excessive and unhealthy spot in our thoughts, whether negative or positive. The individual may be someone
we are attracted to, feel threatedned or defeated by
whose approval eludes us, or whose happiness consumes us (Gal. 1:10)
whome we adore, despise, or far more complexly, both. Our problem peoplle are ofent those we "love" one moment and "hate" the next

We form mental strongholds towards those who won't give us what we want or need

Somewhere along eh way we felt emotionally masterd by the. Our thoughts abotu the person emotionally mastered us

....do what is necessary to bring our thoughts capitve to the knoweledge of God
(2Cor 10:5)

(Lord, I wanted -or felt I needed- this person to change, instead, change me!)

root of preoccupation? My own insecurities with myself

God is the only one who can tend to the secret places

Admit we have an area of brokenness

Discontent with selfishness and weary of ego, we finally become willing to lose ourselves to something greater. In doign so, we find Christ as we've never kmown Him.

"Grow up and get over yourself, it's not all about you!"

Prov. 4:23
Isaiah 26:3 - "peace"

Spirit West Coast Del Mar 2010

2010-06-01T16:56:00.000-07:00

It all started with meeting Richard Andrew in Montana. I was invited to be one of his guests at his concert in Del Mar when I told him about my move back to So.Cal. Sadly, just before that I had fallen and broken a leg so I was still recuperating. I couldn't go. Nor could I find the finances in time to pull it off, and so I started saving for the following year with the hope that again Richard would be playing. I became a FaceBook fan of Spirit West Coast and wrote on their wall almost monthly begging for him to be there! I even wrote an e-mail to the main office (I assumed) and received a what I thought a promising reply. I prayed......and prayed....and begged and prayed.....alas it was not to be. :'( *Sniff* So instead, I went an bragged about he and his music to anyone and everyone I could; a t-shirt vendor, KSGN peeps, SWC volunteers. I think I actually got a volunteer interested in checking him out! :D our very last day (sad, didn't want it to end) as we were headed home, a young girl walkeed by my mother and high-fived her. For what reason we were a little unsure. But then again, maybe it was the 'ra' shirt mom wore. (I am getting one soon I hope)

We had our tickets months in advance, and I was busily counting down the days. I would check the SWC site at least once a month or more to check for the 2010 site. When it was finally up I read through the entire site. Tickets, artists, what to bring, activities, you name it. I continuously checked the site for updated information.

Here was our chosen concert line-up for the weeken. So amazing we got to see everyone we wanted. Parking was never an issue for me as there were plenty of spaces to accomodate my van and wheelchair lift.

FRIDAY

Jonny Diaz -
3:30pm
Air1 radio Main Stage
Opening for 'The Afters'.
Now, I did not stay for 'The Afters' as it was not a band I particularly cared for even though I did know the first song. Mom and I both thought Jonny Diaz was the best one of the opening night. His opening song, appropriately titled 'The Opening' was hilarious. Sadly, he only sang for at least half an hour. What a great guy, and funny! Saved his best song "Beautiful You" for last. His second best song that night I happened to like was a song titled "Sarah Jo", about being "God's little girl". I could kinda put myself into that song. After hearing his other music for the first time, we are definately die-hard Jonny Diaz fans now. All of his songs really spoke to me in some way. Later that day we just happened to be walking by the K-LOVE radio station booth and I noticed a crowd gathered. I moved my powerchair in a way to get a closer look. GASP! Jonny was there! Sadly I didnt have anything for him to sign but when I saw somone getting a picture with him I quickly jumped in line! Better than an autograph any day!!! I still can't get over getting my pic with him, and it was the only one that really turned out, Ha. When I arrived home that night I immediately found his fan page on FB and added him. I bought his CD.

Tenth Avenue North -
Air1 Main stage
6pm - 7pm
Brian Weaver opened for TAN and sadly he started before we got there (the program said a different time), only got to hear one song. Fave songs of TAN; Love Is Here, *By Your Side, The Truth is Who You Are, Times, You Are More, *This is Where Healing Begins, I'll Be By Your Side. Okay, so I had a hard time deciding which one I liked best,lol! I love watching bands have a lot of fun on stage, and they really looked as though they did enjoy what they do. It really makes the experience that much better.
One of the bandmembers shared a bit from his heart. The best quote ~ "The Christian life: not about competition, but celebration. Not about action, but reaction."
I bought their CD

SATURDAY

By this time I could pretty much find my way around the SWC site fairly well. Most of the concerts we wanted to see were between twor three stages. I didn't have to do too much asking for directions. Maps don't help me much, lol!

Philip Bardowell-
JC Muzk stage
Saturday afternoon 2:30pm
The JCMuzk stage was great. It was a stage mom liked the music best, and she really liked Philip. She was also able to lie on the grass in the sun and rest her back. Me I kicked back in the powerchair and soaked in the sun and the Son, listening. One afternoon while reclined in the powerchair a woman walks by and says to me, "Hey, cool chair!".

Sunday morning worship 10:30am.
Wow! Can that man worship!!! . Sunday mornign worship "Lord I'm Amazed By You" and "Let Me Be Your Servant Today" were great songs he sung.
Sunday Message- Reg Cox
It was good, really good. Dang I knew I should have taken notes! My mother did.

Mathew West -
Air1 radio Main Stage
4:45 - 5:35
So good! Definately one I loved every song he sung, too hard to pick a favorite! Another singer whose energy on stage and connection with teh crowd made iot an enjoyable experience. Bought all three of his CD's, I forgot how much I like his music. Tried to get his autograph/picture but line was too long by the time I got there :(
"All things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His good purpose." ~ word shared by Matthew West

Jars of Clay
Air1 radio Main stage
6:30 - 7:20
Some bands really need to learn to turn down the music and turn UP their mics! But I still enjoyed them to a point. Most of the bands in cluding this one really had such energy on stage making for an awesome concert. Fave song of the night - "Two Hands"

comedy concert with Thor Ramsey and Daren Streblow - I like Daren Streblow more. More original stuff where as Thor Ramsey just asked what everyones worst Christmas gift was and made jokes off of that. Oh yeah, Daren made a comment about not watching a lot of TV, and heard me cheer. I forget his comment now (drats) but I laughed.

Steven Curtis Chapman
Air1 Main stage
8pm - 10pm.
(YAY! Loved him since I was a kid!!!!!) Of all teh Christian artists I was most excioted to see SCC. Sadly, for some reason the show got started late and the speaker went first (not the way the schedule read). Mom was too tired by this point, I guess I was too. The whole reason for the ticket upgrade was to see Steven Curtis Chapman up close and we didnt even get to use it for its intended purpose. :'( So disappointed, but not holding it aganst mom. She was a trooper through the entire weekend.
I bought two of his CD's.

Somewhere between Saturday and Sunday and watching how much fun the artists seemed to have, a thought came to haunt me once again. Some time before starting college I had a desire to pursue music ministry. When Azusa Pacific University came to our church when I was in Jr. High, I guess thats when the thought entered my mind. At the time a family friend was traveling and singing in nursing homes, on cruise ships, and other places. But then I moved to Montana and everything changed. One of these days I'll get to singing in church again. I kinda miss it. Especially after this weekend.

SUNDAY

Shaun Groves- Shaun Groves opened up for Fransesca Batistelli. I really wished he would have been one of the main singers after hearing him. I was not ready for him to be done. "Welcome Home" is a great song!
Gets mixed up with ....oh shoot, I cannot remeber now. Buut I do remeber my first thought was "Great! I am not the only one!!!". I enjoyed him more than I thought I would. I knew more of his music than thought too. His seminar on the beauty of simplicity was interesting, and I was touched by the fact that he invited people to e-mail him about questions regarding the topic. I did not get a CD of his music, and now I am really REALLY bummed) He opened for Fransesca Batistelli.

Francesca Batistelli -
Air1 Main stage
2:00 - 3:15pm
I may have heard a song or two of hers before and didnt put the two together. One afternoon while looking at the SWC site for last year, I came across Fransesca on the artist line-up page and clicked on her name to hear a sample of her music. Fell instantly in love! Its hard to chose a favorite song of hers, they are all so awesome! She did sing two brand new songs however, and I loved them, "Don't Miss It" and my favorite of the two, " Angels By Your Side". This one made me cry. I bought her "Paper Heart' CD and I intend on getting her new song 'Angels By Your Side'.

Angel Smythe-
JC Muzk stage
5:30 - 6:30pm
Sunday afternoon concert on the grass. Sadly mom and i couldn't stay through the whole thing. Mom and I were pretty wiped out at this point and couldn't wsait to fall into bed, but we both thought she was great! her beautiful voice adn her energy opn stage and the way she drew the crowd in were what sold us to her music. I am keeping tabs on her from now on!

Of course all of the concerts were too short! Just when you really get into it and its the last song! Argh. No worries, I came home with a pile of CD's to listen to. I came home with something else too, a slight cough and sore throat. Guess I had too much "Woooo!" -ing going on. :)
Mom and I had 'Full Event' wristbands, of which I wore for days afterward! I did not want the weekend to end, and so I knew it was officially over if I cut it off!

Can't wait to do it all again!

It's Tough Being a Woman....week 4

2010-05-18T15:29:00.000-07:00

God ordained the timing

God has told His people from the time of Moses that He'd protect them and fight their battles for them as long as they worshipped Him only.

...feel the frustration and irony that the one who raised Esther can hardly reach Esther. The aides buzzed around her like bees swarming their queen and probably enbdeed up aideing her isolation more than her person. Not everyone who protects us and works hard to please helps us. Esther had become a dangerously buffered and pampered queen.

At our times of grates crisis and chaos, who wants to be told that we'd feel better if we looved better. (emotional trap of Esther)

Changing her appewarance had seemingly changed everything for Esther.

The thought seems reasonable that our way of getting ahead should work for anyone.

Sometimes we think a relationship would improve or an opportunity would arise if the person of our concern would do something about his or her lacking appearance. ...........if the injured heart that covered itself in sacloth isn't treated, it will manifest its pain elsewhere. Most of our problems are a world deeper than appearances.

The favor and sovereign plan of God changed everything for Esther, not appearances.

God alone chose a Jewish orphan girl.

Strength comes from muscle, and muscle develops with a workout. This is as true spiritually as physically.

If people around us helped us avoid every possible unpleasantry, fixed every hangnail, and anesthetized ever headache for us, we'd quuit learning how to deal with difficulty. We'd forget how to cope and we'd crush under the least inconvenience.
What we don't use, we lose.

Esther's superficial life was about to be shattered and a woman much deeper than her skin was about to be unearthed.

We like Esther are the warrior princesses of God

Oskar Schindler, who, despite many flaws, emerged as a hero by saving the lives of over one thousand Polish Jews during the Holocaust.

We tend to detach from sights and situations that make us feel badly about ourselves, especially when we feel powerless.

Sometimes we fear that fighting for what is right will kill us. To stand by and do nothing out of self-preservation is to be dead already.

...shaking the passivity out of her
(my desire, to be more active about decisions in my life and less passive)

...staying out of the king's presence was no less dangerous than entering it

"Esther, what if you were born for this very moment?"

You are royalty. You are in the most liuteral sense possible the daughter of the universe's King.

For now, the kingdom of God on this earth resides in you.

Right now you are erpresenting teh King on official business in another land, bu you are no less royal than the Queen of England would be if she visited the White House.

...you also have been placed in your speere of influence, regardlesss of the size you perceive it to be, "for such a time as this".

God determined hte times set before us and the exact places that we should live. You see, even your current location is part of the set-up for your kingdom destiny.

None of our purposes wsill be fulfilled easily. All of tehm will require the most difficult decisions we think we can make. Decisions that we may feel will practically kill us. Then God does something miraculous and we become something we're not.

...when all was said and done, I'd sit on that side of glory having much rather fulfilled my calling than served myself all the way to meaninglessness. I had to accept that I was not called to an easy life. I was called to a purposeful life.

What if this very thing, this very decision, is the most important piece of the puzzle comprising my purpose.

God would accomplish His will and do what He intended.

Beloved, in times of greatest struggle when yoiu make the Godward decision over convenience, earthly comfort, or carnal pleasures, you too have come to a critical moment in teh filfillment of your destiny. A defining moment. A war is being waged over your head in teh unseen realm, and a great cloud of witnesses is cheering you on. You have no idea what's at stake.

We simply have no idea what God will do with even the most reluctant life. Some leap to their destinies, some lag and loom. Yet, God persists.

A splintered people became as one timber

Esther came to what many would call her "defining moment". Sometimes our most important moments come hand-in-hand with our willingness to reveal that we aren't really who we've seemed to be.

....God allowed hardship and consequence to press against me from both sides until a decision had to be made and part of me had to die.

(Live victorious or Live defeated)

failure to decide i9s to decide on failure

Xerxes' scepter was in the had of God

"Miracle of The Moment" SCC

It's Tough Being a Woman....week 3

2010-05-17T21:42:00.000-07:00

Instead of going ahead and feeling the pain, processing it before God, and letting Him heal us, sometimes we opt for a trade-in

...one woman overtaken by the love of Christ can reach past her limited vision

God has the tenacious love to stick with me and help this chronic weakling grow stronger.

...willing to let God show us where meanness originates, and let Him tend to us in that area of brokenness

Trust that time is God's alone to give

Satan has a limmited leash where believers are concerned, his most powerful tactics are psychological. Though he can't posess our minds, he profoundly and destructively influences our thoughts. He would love nothing better than to see me forfeit my joy...by taunting me to futile speculations. (Rom. 1:21
We must catch the Enemy in the act and call it what it is, and keep him from what he wants. David...pledged himself to fear no evil

The Diaspora Jews did not know if God was with them or not

Haman alludes to the Jews in vague terms, making them anonymous, indefinite, and depersonalized. It is easier to kill an abstraction than a person. God call us by name. Satan and his hordes see us as numbers. (tattoos of Jews in Hitler's death camps)

One of Satan's primary agenda's, not to let us enjoy the rest Christ has given us. (Matt. 9:36)

God never takes His eyes off us or off the clock ticking over us.

John 10:10

Our enemy seeks to steal our lives and everything of value to us. (me, my dreams)

The beautifully frustrating part of Satan's insatiable bloodlust is that ultimately he cannot have what he wants. In reality, he cannot destroy even one of us who belongs to God through Christ Jesus. Satan is bereft of the power he wants most.

Satan can't win and you can't lose.

ELEVATE ~ Helping All God's Children Reach for the Son

2010-05-16T18:44:00.000-07:00

ELEVATE ~ Helping All God's Children Reach for the Son, is Shadow Mountain Community Church's newest ministry for children with disabilties and other special needs. A division of Mountain High Children's Ministries, it had been the church's idea for over a year now to get this mew ministry up and running, and today was finally our first trial run. We will hold one more next week before our official start date in June. This week we were scheduled to have four to six children, and we only had two. Next week we hope to have more, with the intent of one day having a full classroom. Today we had young elementary students. It will eventually serve children from ages four to eighteen.
Last year about this time I had arrived early to church one Sunday morning to see the church activities being flashed up on the screen just before service started. My mother caught the slide before I did, and she told me about the special needs ministry that was looking for volunteers. The following Sunday as the slides were being shown before service and during announcements, the same slide flashed on the screen and this time I spotted it.
Now don't ask me what the sermon was about that particular Sunday, my mind was on other things; like "where could God be going with this?". I mean, all this trouble finding a job and He gives me exactly what I want only teaching on Sunday mornings?
Though I was excited through the first couple of staff meetings, (I took notes like a crazy woman), after staff meeting one evening a few weeks ago I started having my doubts when we discussed the mornings routine. "Maybe this isn't what I thought it would be". But I quickly shook that outta my head. Something compelled me to go forward. Today was our first day and I have to say I really....really enjoyed it! It went by so fast let's just see if I can remember it all. Ha!
Only two children came for our initial 'ramp-up' or first trial run prior to the kick-off in June. We fully expected a few more. Our morning consisted of twenty minutes of each activity, music, game/puzzle time, story, gross motor time, snack,.... oh what else am I forgetting. For some activities we transitioned to another room right next door. Our story for today was on the creation, and how God created us because He loves us so much. It was great to hear one child whom ansered when you asked her a question about the story. The fact that she understood was precious. And to hear them shake their instruments at music time or get into the words or the music was great.
One activity was rolling, bouncing or tossing a giant rubber ball, basically a ball that is normally used for pilates. Children seemed to enjoy this. The young boy I teamed up with would point to who he wanted the ball to go to next, and smile. At one point he gave me a thumbs up.
A bit more happenedc this morning , but these were the parts worth writing about. I already cannot wait to see what next Sunday brings. You can bet I will post it here.

It's Tough Being A Woman...week 2

2010-05-14T17:09:00.000-07:00

When the seemingly unshakeable shakes, wer're twice as shaken
(she said this in reference to when vulnerability breaks a tough exterior, but I looked at it through my own situation of leaving Montana. I thought I never would, I thought I saw things coming together.....instead I felt they were falling apart.)

God sometimes allows our confusion to coax us into further study of the entire word.

The book of Esther will seem to pick the scabs off some of the wounds our culture has inflicted on us, but....GOd will also use it to clean those wounds so they can heal

Those of us who know Jesus personally live under Divine rule where all us girls get to be princesses

He (God) sees sees something much deeper than her physical desirability

Many of the Jews had all but forgotten God in their daily disciplines, but He had not forgotten them. GOd would soon prove He had never taken his hand off of them. They may have forgotten their identity, but He hadn't.

One of GOd's purposes in this Journey (of Esther I presume) is to help us recapture both our identity and identification as His children.....so that we can be influential.

GOd used Wsther's anonimity, bu only as a means toward a far-from-anonymous end.

Heb. 2:11 Christ is not ashamed of us.

....the kind of King who gives a woman dignity instead of taking it. A King whose commans are always for our good and whose ways are always toward our wholeness

When was the last time it was your turn? You know the feeling I am talking about: when you're next. You've dreaqmed about it (future) You've longed for it (dreams) You've dreaded it (what might not be) You've run from it (Mt. back to Ca.)
(when IS it my turn. I'm seeing others dreams a reality.....)

Heb. 6:10-12
.....through faith and patience we will inherit the promises of God

Sometimes the Providence of God can be defined as times when God trumps your perfectly good plan with one of His own...then seems to dissappear from it. Take heart beloved, He's right there and He's there right!

It's Tough Being A Woman... week 1

2010-05-14T08:58:00.000-07:00

Bible Study - Esther: It's Tough Being a Woman
(I wasn't going to post about this but...... something compells me to)

Thsi is my second Beth Moore study, my first being a study on David: A Man After God's own Heart, and I have even heard her speak in person. I love Love LOVE what God speaks through her! In the beginning, trying to decide what study to do at our church and my mother had pretty much decided for us, lol! I can't remember now which one I wanted to do, but I am SO glad we did Beth's. It was slow at first, but by week four I was all into it!

HIGHLIGHTS

Intro:
God's name isnt in it (book of Esther), but the hand of God is all over it
The book of Esther offers tremendous hope
Providence of God ~ God conceived as the power sustaining and guiding human destiny
He's in the mundane and trivial. To God, nothing happens by chance

Week 1:
Not so much our story as God's story. It becomes ours as He writes us into it.
Esther was more than just a pretty face
Let God tend to your insecurities
(not finding a job just yet, not living in my own place, friends living in different states, frustrated with health)
Stay open to all the ways God wants to speak to you about becoming more secure in your world
(I've had to repent for not allowign God to speak freely, and not just the ways in which I think He sould)
...moments in your own life that seemed unconnected to anything God was doing at the time, but ended up crucial in your own story
...even negative moments of decision, encounter, or action can become treacherous steppingstones to a grand Kingdom destiny.
He is never more present than when God seems strangely absent
Sometimes, there in the hiddeness, God builds a woman she'd never otherwise become
Brought up by Mordecai, her cousin (thought this was ironic being that I have lived with my cousin for almost a year now)

Life Since Surgery

2010-04-15T12:26:00.000-07:00

Eeghad when will I learn to spell-check before I post!? HaHa

My last two appointments the doc has asked me if it was worth it all in the end. My answer - "Sometimes a blessing, sometimes a curse!" lol! That's usually when the tube gets pulled (OWIE!!!!) or the blasted thing gets disconnected from the bag (grrrr!) But yes, it has definitely caused me to be a bit more independent and I have more time in my day for things I enjoy. (Not to mention a slight boost in self-esteem)

Post op appointments have been great though. The healing process is going as expected. The last appointment things were supposed to be changed, but the doc said we could wait another month. They swore me off of Tylenol saying it was bad for my liver, and instead said to take Ibuprofen. Ohmygoodness! :D Way better! I was taking three Tylenol at a time, sometimes a couple of times a day because two were doing nothing for me. I can take two Ibuprofen and be fine the rest of the day. Very rarely do I have to take more than that. The first time I took it and I was thinking I may have taken too much because I just felt TOO good! But now I have not had pain in weeks and now just use the Ibuprofen when I have a headache. (and that's a WHOLE other ballgame!)

I am back at our ladies Bible Study faster than expected. In fact, I think I only missed one study since surgery. The leader as well as those at our table were quite surprised to see me so soon.

I am also back at Gage Elementary as a teachers aide once again. Which is great because the downtime was leaving me emotionally drained. My first day back was so totally awesome. I come wheeling into the classroom where you could hear 25 second graders *GASP* with excitement when they turned and saw Alehe and I. And when I called them back one by one to do some reading assessment with me you could hear them exclaim as they headed my way, "YES!". I SO love my volunteer job!

Speaking of job, my dad said something cool to me just the other day. He picked me up one afternoon and says to me something like " you know, you DO have a job. It's just that you're getting paid by the government (meaning my SSI).

Home Recuperating

2010-03-04T22:09:00.000-08:00

Anesthesiologist - "Your gonna feel pretty shitty afterward. Now, I can say this because it IS a medical term." My mout drops, in my thirty-some odd years of goign uunder the knife, I don't EVER remember a doctor using that kind of language. I had to laugh!

Before my surgery I refused to allow myself to get nervous. Yes, even after all these years going under the knife still gives me the jitters. Instead, I am singing 'None Compare' as I am being wheeled into the O.R. I guess I was more nervous about afterward...the outcome, and all that it woudl entail once its been done. After surgery - for some strange reason I came out singing 'Wave a Hand".

I came thru surgery with flying colors. Absolutely NO problems wiht my heart like i usually do (stupid tahycardia). But this time it went perfect. Coming home the next day looked prett promising. Friday after surgery I felt on top of the world. Haha, until Saturday afternoon.....my digestive system decided to shut down for a day and a half :( . Talk about bloated UGH! Somebody quick, stick me with a needle, I wanna POP! I don't even wanna eat. Which they say it was better I didnt if I did not feel hungry.

My cousin sends me a text asking how I was doing, and so I tell her what's going on. Her reply to me --- "maybe you need mexican food to get it going again" (We eat a lot of mexican food in this household).
(My reply to her ---"thats gotta be better than the crap they got here!" I wouldnt even touch one of the dinners it looked so bad!!!)
She texts me a reply again and Jim (her husband)says "Order a chimichanga and two rasp. ice teas" LOL! (a little inside joke)

You never get sleep while in the hospital. Why, every two hours the darn nurses came to make sure I turned on my side to avoid the possibility of pressure sores. ( a few times I told them to "leave me alone, I just got comfortable!" Some came in at 5 a.m. to take blood (LAME!) But they like to have the results on the doctors desks before they come into work a few hours later. How are we patients suppoed to heal with lack of sleep anyway?! Hmmmmmm?

I am now home. The first couple of days weren't bad. But this week has been borderline agonizing as the swelling goes down. I have been feelign a lot more pain this week. Trying to stay away from pain meds as the could aggravate the digestive issue I was having earlier. But extra strength Tylenol seems to be doing the trick just fine :D

In the meantime, I am sick of watching t.v., sick of reading, borderline sick of being on the computer.....and I WANNA be with my KIDDO's!!!! This recuperating thing is taking WAAAAAY to long!!!!!!

I see the doc on Monday. For post-op appointment.

Surgery - Crazily Enough, I am Quite Looking Forward to it!

2010-02-17T14:58:00.000-08:00

'Can You see me in the valley?
Can You hear me call Your name?
You whisper "Do not be afraid, for Help is on the way" ' ~ None Compare, written by Richard Andrew

I am scheduled for surgery on my bladder feb 19th at 8a.m. They are prefornming two procedures in the same surgery. The crux of the surgery will be to place a supra-pubic tube just above the pelvic bone to drain the bladder into a leg bag. To also give my bladder added control (we hope), they are also taking a slice of skin from my hip to place under the bladder to act as a 'sling'. Over the years because of the spiuna bifida and increased curve in my spine, I have virtually ;lost all control. I am tired of spending half my day in the bathroom! And because of my lack of strength in my legs (due to fracturing both bones in my pper and lower leg) I do not have the strength I need for safe transfers. Crazily enough i am rather looking forward to this
The urinary diversion was discussed in months past, where doctors would take my apendix and route it to my bellybutton to use a catheter for emptying my bladder. In readign about the procedure online, I was a bit nerbvous as to reading all that it entails as well as pros and con's from patients who have had it done. Speakign with docots, especially my neurologist, it was advised that we try to avoid this surgery due to the risk of infection to my cranial shunt.
My docot whoi is performing the surgery. Awesome! Very warm and compassionate, cencerned for my needs, my fears and concerns, and most of all my desires. Unfortunately her husband could not fidn a job here in SD but outside the county, so she is no longer goign to be my doctor afterward. but she did say that sicne takign on my case she DOES want to remain my doctor until we see this thing through. She has introduced me to teh doctor who is taking over her practice here (a man) and I really feel comfortable with him as well. (Thank You Lord!) he will also be assisting during the surgery.
The past week or so I have been constantly asking God if this is the right thing to do. Somehow thinking that this would limit my dreams for the future, when in realyity....this could be the door TO them. "You could heal me lord". finishing up teh weekly homework for our Wednesday night Bible study, I came across something in the 'Notes' section of my Bible and how God sometimes uses medical intervention to bring about His healing.

Take my Will and make it Your own. I'm on my knees, letting go. Seeking more of You, finding less of me....and now I'm free, Take my will, let Your kindgdom come, let Your will be done ~ "Take My Will" written by Richard Andrew

A journal with various passages from the book of Psalms was given to me by my cousin for my birthday. i have been taking one page a week and really meditating on that page so as to really commit it to memory and not a "here today, gone tomorrow", kind of reading. In my quiet time this week three passages stuck out to me

Psalm 3:4-5 ~ I lay down and slept for the Lord sustained me
(difficulty with anesthetic due to tachycardia)
Psalm 4:6-8 ~ I go to bed and sleep in peace
(the word peace sticking out to me lately)
Because Lord, only You keep me safe
(felt like God's assurance he will watch over me during surgery)
Psalm 127:2 ~ the lord gives sleep to those He loves
("I love you Tryna, therefore I will protect you before, during, and after surgery")

The Church of the Open Door

2010-02-07T14:08:00.000-08:00

Revelation 3:7 - 13
(really only touched on vs 7-8)

The Church of the Open Door (Opportunity)
(the faithful church)

The POWER of an open door (faith)
Rev. 3:8 ; IICor. 2:12 ; Col. 4:2-3 ; Acts 14:27
God is the one who opens doors, pray for the doors to be opened

The PRODUCER of an open door
Rev. 3:7 ~ the one who is Holy, True
He opens, He closes
The One who is holy
Rev. 3:7 ; 1 Peter 1:15
The One who is true
Rev. 3:7 (Genuine)

The PERMANENCE of an open door
Rev. 3:7 ; 1:18 ; Isaiah 22:22
NO man can shut
NO man can open
......but God
"Lord God, help me see the open doors for witness today".

The PROBLEM with an open door
Opportunities are often disguised as problems
missed open door
I may not have seen an open door if the door was not closed
Opportunities are time sensitive
sometimes they don't come at convenient times
Opportunities are often tested by opposition
1Cor. 16:8-9
usually territory held by the enemy
Best evidence we have it is the will of God
Opportunities are usually missed because of fear
Rev. 3:8 ; IICor. 12:9 ; Gen. 11:4
I cannot do this on my own strength
(His strength is made perfect in weakness)
If God opens a door, He'll help you walk through it

Eph. 5:15 - 17
.....making the most of every opportunity

ON YOUR OWN
God ordained opportunities
Gen. 12:1-9
Esther 4 &5
Luke 18:18 - 30
John 4: 1 - 26
Acts 9:10-17
Acts 16:6-10

Open doors rarely come to us at a time when we are prepared to walk through them. Many times, we are so caught up in attending to our normal every day lives that we are a little disrupted when a truly miraculous and extraordinary moment presents itself. How has God interrupted your life in a miraculous or extraordinary way? How was His timing?
Moving to Montan when I thought I had life figured out
teaching sunday school
meeting RA
moving to CA
Skyline to Shadow Mountain when I thought I was being led to Skyline and mom said she'd go where I wanted to )
teaching Sunday school Special Needs ministry

There may be inner resistance to where God is leading you
(me falling in love with Skyline church, mom and dad going to Shadow Mountain and because I don't drive having to go there instead. Me wanting to go back to Skyline, but then the Special Needs ministry popped up.)

God, Yer SPOILING ME! :D

2010-01-29T17:16:00.000-08:00

2nd graders
In this class, I am helping wherever needed, whether its housekeeping (paperwork) or having children read to me, even sitting by one child and helping them out while we do a class assignment. Today the seond graders graciously asked if they could pet Alehe. They have EXCELLENT memories!!! If I tell them not now but at such and such a time....they don't let me forget! LOL!!!! As is the case for one child today. I talked to her during class on Monday saying she could pet her on Friday at the end of our day. One little girl (Joaquin, pronounced ha'keen) loves the fact Alehe is there. searches me out just before we go to luch and again at the end pf our day to talk to me.... all the time. She and I talked today about why I was in the wheelchair. I wrote names on childrens packets today and stapled papers together, even put together booklets that children can order books from. THAT was a daunting task. Especially when all teh pages start looking alike after the third or fourth one! I think I wasted fifteen twenty minutes trying to figure out the order of pages! then it was time to go to our assenbly put on by Wildlife Rescue here in SoComing back from lunch I passed by a seond grader "You're a great teacher!" It's only my THIRD day :D
I learned something new from the assembly today regarding birds that fall out of nests. When I was in school we were taught NEVER to pick up a bird if it had fallen out of its nest. Apparently, this is not the case anymore. it used to be that if the mother bird smelled human on teh baby bird, said baby bird would be rejected. Now, it is advised that if you can reach the nest, to go ahead and put the baby bird back into it. If the nest is too high to reach, find a small container, line it with something soft and put the baby bird back in. Then put the container as high as you are able to reach. The Mamma bird will still feed their baby this way.

Kindergarten/1st grade
Ohmygoodness I never thought sitting and listening to children could be so daunting! Reading is one thing...but reciting numbers by ones, fives, tens, and two's, and all to 100?! It was really a learing experience in teaching young children. I was having fun in a way.....
I was surprised that counting by ones, fives, and tens was easier than counting by two's. here is where most struggled. Some children i had to help more than others, had to exxplain to them to take one number (two for example) and add two more (four). What do you get when you add two to that number (six!). it was interesting to me tha counting by two's from, say, twenty-eight to thirty, thrity-eight to forty,forty-eight to fifty, and so on and so forth was a bit difficult for one child.

I can't wait until Monday!

Alehe is Back to Work, Finally!

2010-01-25T15:08:00.000-08:00

"GASP, She brought her dog!" children said excitedly. Yes, today was the first day I was able to bring Alehe to Gage Elementary school in San Carlos, CA. I had been in the kindergarten/first grade class for a few months now, and just today started in the second grade classroom after that. I was worried about passing by the preschool classroom this morning, but thankfully none of those children spotted me. But I was assured on my last day in that class that there is always next year.
I wheeled into the office to sign in on the volunteer sheet as I always do and the Secretary ooo-ed and ahhh-ed over Alehe. I then proceeded to my first class of the day, kindergarten and first graders. They had been well informed of my bringing Alehe, her duties while she is with me, and that they are not to pet her unless I give them permission to do so. A few told me about their dogs at home. The children did an excellent job while working with me. A few kept peeking under the table at her whole with me, and one boy I had to tell repeatedly to pay attention to his teachers up front because he would not stop looking at her and talking. One child I have difficulty with not wanting to work with me was a tad more cooperative today. I was able to get two answers out of her. Which was a lot for her. She is usually really shy around me. I am hoping the more Alehe is there, it will bring her out and we can become more comfortable around each other.
The second graders also did an excellent job, and cracked me up in the process; they were almost relentless in asking me when they could pet her. I finally told one girl that "possibly Friday" I would let her. I talked about Alehe a bit before class and showed them a thing or two what she could do, and they raised their hands and started talking about all of their dogs. So cute! As they were lining up for lunch today, I did manage to allow them a quick pet as they were leaving. I went to the break room with the teacher and had lunch with her, a substitute teacher, and a few others. Yeah, they couldn't keep their hands off of her either, lol! Even my morning teacher was there.
I cannot WAIT to go back on Friday! In the meantime, I am still waiting on the Salvation Army to call me so that I can set up a time on Wednesdays to volunteer there.

Sometimes God Closes a Door, Only to Open a Window

2010-01-15T16:37:00.000-08:00

Sorting through feelings of today, trying to come up with a title to this post....this line hits me, "Sometimes the hardest things to do are in perfect sync with God's will and plan". Today was my last day with preschoolers. It was a tough decision on my part, and definately NOT easy by any sense of the word! And as I type this, 'None Compare' is playing on my computer. "Do Nnot be afraid, for help is on the way".

When I first started volunteering in schools, it was rough having to leave the dog but I wanted something to do and wanted to be with children so bad. Poor Alehe couldn't understand....she kept running to the door, somtimes with the leash in her mouth or jumping in the van... and I would have to tell her to stay. Well, lately I have been noticing that this leaving her most of the time I am gone is affect the times she DOES work with me. She is not as responsive to my commands as she needs to be. In my CCI training sessions with her and previous dogs, we were told that this could happen over time.

I pressed into one of the preschools abotu the issue, and it sorta fell flat. I wrote a note to the volunteer coordinator at this same school and started the ball rolling looking into other classrooms at that same school or inthe same district. Another classroom, this time second graders, came available and said no prob. I am already a volunteer TA for a first graded class, and so not doing the preschool would open up opportunity in that class to bring Alehe, and they are excited. Why, the past two weeeks kiddos come up to me "when do you get to bring your dog?" And they ask me all sorts of questions about her. Friday is my first day with Alehe in both classrooms.

My last day in the preschool was difficult. My heart felt heavy, I LOVED these kids! They in turn LOVED me! (and so did the teachers). I felt like God was closing yet anbother door I thought He had led me to walk through. When I got home, I listened to a song RA had posted to his Facebook page yesterday. I don't always listen to them becasue I have all of them on CD :D ,but felt led to do so this time. "None Compare' played, and God spoke. "Do not be afraid, for Help is on the way".
God is totally in control!

After that and I started singing the chorus to yet another RA song, 'Take My Will'

Take My Will
Make it Your own
I'm on my knees, I'm letting go
Seeking more of Youu
and finding less of me , and now I'm free\
So take my will
And let Your kingdom come
Let Your Will be done

Sunday Sermon - Five Challenges for the New Year

2010-01-03T14:20:00.000-08:00

Dr. Tom Thompson

Numbers 13
children of the promised land
How are we going to go in?
(God's question to me: How am I going to go into the new year?
My answer: with hope)

13:1,2, 17 - 20
Test of faith
Challenge of who they are, were

Five Challenges

1. Reprioritize Your Life
Focus on the Blessor, NOT the blessings
vs. 23
fruit = blessings
the fruit didn't make any difference
Without God, we wouldn't have ANY of the blessings we do
we would have no reason to praise
Hebrews 12:2
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

2. Become a Risk Taker
vs. 28 - 29
it will maximize reward
The blessing will never satisfy
God tries to get us out of our comfort zone

3. Embrace Your Struggles
produces authenticity
***vs. 30 - 32
Am I looking at life through eyes of faith, risk, God, or through my own eyes?
our struggles can be an encouragement to others.
***Trust God more than man
God is in control
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
God is developing spiritual discipline
Noah, Joseph, David, Sampson, Daniel, Christ, Early Disciples - Life-changing agents by the grace of God
***There is not testimony without the test

4. Look Beyond the Circumstances
vs. 31 - 33
faulty assumptions = faulty conclusions
The giants in our hearts create the issues we battle every day
Unbelief
"I have met the enemy and it is me"
Satan wants us to quit and give up
***our faith never grows in comfortable surroundings
***When God wants to do something wonderful, He begins with a difficulty
Joshua and Caleb

5. Envision the Extraordinary
vs. 33
God is much bigger than we think

Why Must He Be so RIGHT All the Time!!!!!! LOL>D

2010-01-01T19:08:00.000-08:00

I am in my van, on the way home from spending the afternoon with my mother and my cousin. I am somewhat reclined in my powerchair, half-asleep as todays lunch, the sunshine from the afternoon, and the comfort of my position render me half asleep. Suddenly 'Take My Will', a song written and sung by Richard Andrew is rolling through my head. I start thinking about the events that eventually led up to my moving back to Southern California and wonder why (silly me!) things just had to happen the way they did. And then I crack up laughing..... His immediate answer? "Because, you wouldnt have bent to MY WILL otherwise" There is a reason why God does things the way He does them!

If that song came *before* all this had happened, it might have had a totally different outcome.

I am simply amazed that in this crazy time I find myself running the opposite direction from where I really want to run; running *to* Him instead of *from* Him. He is simply teaching me to trust Him.

Meanwhile, I cannot stop listening to this song!!!!!!!

What A Day!!! :D

2009-12-02T22:36:00.000-08:00

Wednesday was the frst morning in at least three weeks that I had been to JUMP Preschool. After so many times as a volunteeer to see if I liked it, they require a background check before you return. It could take weeks for this to go through (ugh!). The director said she would call me when this happened.
Weeks go by and I haven't heard anything, but I resist the urge to call. She said she would call me when everything was okay'd. One day last week I finally went with the urge and called her office. She was glad I finally called as she had erased the message on the answering machine that had my phone number. Besides, the background check came back a-okay after only one week. Was I ready to start that Wednesday? HECK YEAH!!!!!
Immediately upon my arrival into one of the classrooms one little boy rushed right over to me (kind of a hop/jog sorta) and gave me a great big bear hug! Three more children from another class also did the same. I was so glad that they remebered who I was!!!
There were only three two-year-olds in their class today. 2 of the two years olds were actually interested in me, and cracked me up! (The third being sick and sleeping on teh couch). One of the little girsl was blabbering away, abotu what you had no idea as you could not understadn a WORD of what she said!!! (Oh how i WISH I could!) And LAUGH!!! Oh I love hearing the laughter of children. I would laugh at what they did which made them laugh....which made ME laugh even harder! AT onbe poin you hear me saying "alright!" as I was LOVING teh interaction with them. Before you know it, I had a little copycat. "AWIIIGH!", two-year-olds version of "ALRIIIGHT!") And both of them would not stop smiling at me :D the entire time I was with them.
My mother, cousin and I are in a new biblestudy - Beth Moore's study on Esther, "It's Tough Being a Woman". We missed the first three weeks of it, but last night being our first and I was rivetted. I got sooooooo much out of it! I took notes like a mad woman, along with filling in the information in our workbooks. Afteward, i got to thinking, "If this is how its going to be every week, I am in for the ride of my life!!!" I LOVED it!

Deep Fried Turkey!

2009-11-27T18:14:00.000-08:00

It was my first Thanksgiving with extended family in fifteen years, I was excited! Even more so Thanksgiving day. I couldn't wait to spend time with family. I was stuffed to the gills with lamb, mashed potatoes, Christmas salad (family tradition, yes, done at Christmas too), gumbo (My aunt and uncle lived in Louisiana for a while), green beans (bleh)... I'm sure I am forgetting something. I even went back for seconds - did I REALLY need to? HAHA (no), and yet STILL had a slice of pecan pie AND chiffon pumpkin pie! (oofdah!) Afterward we drew names for Christmas. In times past we have drawn names and bought a gift just for that person, this year and in years past we have exchanged Christmas ornaments. I am painting mine for my person this year. :)

The next day 2nd cousin Otis invited friends to his family's house for a Thanksgiving lunch/dinner. Sadly, none of his friends showed. He did invite his aunt and three-year-old cousin from is dads side who did make it. He had fashioned a deep fryer from an old outdoor heater. Forty-five minutes and we had deep fried turkey! YUM!!!!
Deep fried turkey, amazing!!!!! We stuffed ourselves yet again. And then snacked on leftovers all day.

Friday night cousins Tracy and Jim and I went to and outdoor ampitheatre @ Viejas casino to watch "Legend of the Ice Princess"
It was about a young fairy princess named Crystal who has magical powers bringing winter to the holiday season. Pyrotechnics, choreographed fountains, lasers, lights and special effects brought this story to life. It was good, although I thought it to be geared more toward younger audiences. Although, the last line in teh story stuck out to me which was
~ "Believe in yourself, and hold onto your dreams"

Afterward, we went nearby to teh iceskating rink and sat watching the three boys was rather entertaining. I know my cousin Tracy was laughing at 'em. I had a great time just watching them and knowing they were having a great time. I forgot how cold Alpine can be! Felt a little like Montana. Just a little.

Sermon - A Simple Thanksgiving

2009-11-22T15:53:00.000-08:00

Dr. David Jeremiah – Shadow Mountain Community Church

Everything in my life is filtered through the loving hands of God
Humbled…or hardened?
Beauty in the simplest elements of life
When it’s dark enough, you see the stars
Consistency of God’s blessings dulls our attitude
2 Corinthians 11 – Apostle Paul, great teacher of gratitude
Giving thanks for our FAITH
2Cor. 9:15 – spontaneous praise; Ephesians 1:3
I know Jesus, therefore I am rich
The greatest thing God can do, bring me to Himself
Giving thanks for our FAMILY
2Timothy 1: 3, 5
One day you may wake up and realize the things you so desperately wanted are the things in which you already have
Giving thanks for your FRIENDS
Paul’s Epistles
Philippians 1:4 ; Romans 1:8 ; Ephesians 1:15, 16 ; Colossians 12:3, 4 ; 2Timothy 1:3 ; 1 Corinthians 1:4 ; Phil. 1:3 ; 1Thess. 1:2 ; 2Thess. 1:3
Giving thanks for our FINANCES
Phil. 4:10, 19 – 20 ; Psalm 68:19 ; Psalm 107:21 – 22
What is your perspective? (Book: Paradox of Choice – Why More is Less)
Giving thanks for our FUTURE
Col. 1:12 – 13
I have an incredible future; the BEST is yet to come!
Loss and pain open the door to gratitude

Kindergarten/ 1st Graders

2009-11-06T21:02:00.000-08:00

This past Friday was a looong day for me, but so TOTALLY worth it! I spent the first part of my day with the usual preschoolers, sadly half of them were out sick :( but we had one preschooler who was having a VERY bad day, so unfortunately he made up for it! lol!)
It was also my first day as an aide for a kindergarten/first grade class, and I LOVED it!!! The teacher, Mrs. Ferris, and I got along very well (thank you Lord!). We talked a lot, me sharing how I got into teaching in the first place (haha God!), abotu individual children in her class. WE even had a few similarities in how we got into the field.
Its assessment time at Gage Elementary, and parent/teacher conferences are starting next week. I have been helping in the area of assessment, pulling students aside one by one and testing their reading and science abilities. And to tell you the truth it is an incredible learning experience for me. I tried hard not to help the students as it was testing what they knew,, boy was it HARD! I wanted to give them pointers, tips, hints,answers--- anything to make it easier for them. We discuss my time with the children at the end of the two hours and I am learning a lot.
The children were extremely helpful too, offering help if and when I needed it because I was new in their class. And I think they love the fact that someone new IS IN their class. A touching moment happened today when I was outside with my preschoolers. I was interacting with one of them adn the preschool teacher caught my atttention with "Hey Tryna, I think you have a following!" I looked over as a large group of the kindergarten/1st grade class was yelling my name, trying to get my attention and say "Hi!" And it's only my second day in that class!!!

GO GOD!!!!

Focus on the Family and Veggietales creator Phil Vischer - When Dreams Die

2009-10-23T21:57:00.000-07:00

Phil Visher
creator of Veggie Tales
(I am almost 35 and yes, I listen to VT, lolololol!!!)
Phil came face to face with the death of a dream, even after a wave of success
Noticed at a very early age God had given him the ability to tell stories
Made his first film at age eight
knew at 14that would be the work he would do for Christ,
three semesters of Bible college and dropped out, never made it to film school
computer animation
Talking vegetables that loved God
"God was using our efforts"***

people couldnt get along
sales stopped growing
everything he had built falling apart, lay-offs
dream that ended too soon
"I think this is about God and Phil"
Bible conference in Florida
Tape - sermon Rick Porter
"What does it mean when God gives you a dream, shows up in it, and it comes to life, without warning the dream dies?"

2 Kings 4 - Shunamite woman
holding the dream God gave her, dead in her arms
God wants to see what is more inportant to you, the dream...or Him.
Let go of your dreams
anything I am unwilling to let go of is an idol and I am in sin
Rather than finding my identity in my relationship with God I was finding it in my intense drive to do good work

wait on God
read the Bible and pray - no agenda
it took a few months
sense of giving up, his ambition dying, his will, hopes, dreams, life
God could have spared him from all this, but He didn't
It was about God and him; ambition, dreams, misplaced sense of identity and values, on the altar
Let everything go and rest in Him (he didn't want to write ...I didnt want to be the main pre-k teacher)
and then one night....ideas
Each one was derived from or during a time of waiting on God
Discovered once all the noise had faded away what he'd been missing all along
the impact God has planned for us does not occur wehn we are pursuing impact, but pursuing God.
"As the deer pants for the water so my soul pants for You oh God".
The most important thing I can do for God is not the work I can do for God, the most important thing is to make God the most important thing.
Start over....start on your knees.
In utter broken humility, holding everything loosely except God Himself

Do you dream of the work you can do for God (I do)
Do you carry ambitions for changing the world in His name
When you are ready to put them on the altar, to kill them, to let them go, to live your whole life without them resting solely in your relationship with God, you are ready to be used by Him.

God allows us to come to a place of complete brokenness where there is no end in sight, we cannot fix things...and then somehow He rebuilds us stronger and better, all for His glory.
He didn't know how, when or even IF God would use his gift again.
Humbly declare Gods sovereignty, right in the middle of the unknown.
Trust Him evven when you cannot see the solution

And now I think I'll go listen to VeggieTales

Boundaries

2009-10-04T21:43:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago I started attending a singles Bible Study @ Skyline church. My cousin encouraged me to attend (she was thinking dating purposes, me just getting to know people in the church and hopefully close to my age). Anyway, the church bulletin gave the description that it ws going to be on 'When to say yes, When to say no'. Not sure wshat to think, but okay. I get there and it is 'Boundaries in Dating'. Great. "Okay God, I don't know what to think. I will stick with it and see where You lead". Little did I know I just played an excercise in faith.
I was getting some stuff from this study, however, weeks into it and I still was a bit uncomfortable. After all, the only date I had ever been on was a blidn date set up by two mutual friends. That night? Just plain awkward! The next couple of weeks, thoughts were flooding my mind.
Doe God truly have someone out there for me?
Why have I had to wait so long (its got me believing I am to remain single)
My desire - God given?
My disability and all it entails - afraid it scares them off.

Here's where it gets interesting...

The group decides that it is better to start at the first book in the 'Boundaries' series (it goes from everyday relationships...family, friends... on up to boundaries with children). Oh My GOODNESS!!! I am lovin it! I am getting so much MORE from this first book - Boundaries - 'When to Say Yes, How to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life'
So far I am learning about breaking free from others control (how am I supppose to learn how to make decisions...even the RIGHT ones, when you are making them FOR me?!), seeking my own identity, and taking control of MY life. For quite a while now I havne't felt like I have had much if any control.

One week I was sitting in class thinking about the transition "okay, why the switch God?" I swear I heard His response in the back of my head say "It got you in here didnt it?" I almost burst out laughing right then and there!

But seriously, now the hardest part is talking to specific people about what I am learning, and praying they receive it well.

Journey

2009-09-28T15:32:00.000-07:00

God has been taking me on an interesting journey these past few months since being back here in Southern California. Looking back on life since May, its been unbelievable the things that have transpired. From utter confusion as to where my life was going , loud protests as to where life was taking me adn where I thought it should BE going, I now find myself falling on my face in total surrender, asking Him to lead the way.
Even though I have not had success at finding a place of my own yet, life at my cousins has been great, and God has met me there too. We've been a tremendous encouragement to eachother. She's been helping me find things to do; volunteering at various preschools, getting involved in the singles group at church, I help watch her three-year-old neice, and we watch my 2nd cousin play football on Friday nights at my alma mater, Granite Hills High School (GO EAGLES!!!)
SKyline Wesleyan church is where I am going on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights. I have visited in times past; a childhood frind invited me to her wednesday night childrens ministry, we would watch the Livign Christmas Tree put on by the Skyline choir. Even thougth it is a Wesleyan denomination, I have found it similiar to Christiam Life Center, an Assemblies of God (what i was born andraised in). I have visited churches I went to in the past, even the one I was born and raised in, but diddnt feel either was for me anymore. As the Good Lord wills, I long to become moreinvolved in the childrens ministry, possibly the choir sonewhere down the road. The Wednesday night singles group is going through a 'Boundaries' book series. When I first started, the topic/book was 'Boundaries in Dating'. Wasn't sure what to think of it at first. After all not having ever dated (except maybe a blind date set up by two mutual friends, Awekward!) I wasnt quite sure if it was something God had for me. Now we seem to have put that aside and are going through the first book of teh series 'Boundaries'. I am getting more from this one, although I wouldnt mind continuing with the other one too (sheepish grin). The pastors messages have been a true blessing in this season. One series was on Story, while now He's preaching on the Covenant.
Identity. its a word that has been sticking in my mind for some time now. I guess I have been rying to find out who I am. Since three years ago when my world was turned upside down by numerous circumstances and so may people trying to tell me what they saw best for me---and getting frustrated in the process, hurting people along the way because i could not adequately describe what was going on in my head, so it came out in anger and confusion instead. Gods grace is truly amazing. I have been truly leaning on Him for strength a I get through this rollercoaster of a season I find myslef in. And little blessings are popping up everywhere! Communication with family members has been fairly smooth (whoa!, it could still use some work, but its a growing process. A Montana friend (if your reading this you know who you are, a HUGE THANKYOU!!!) gave me an encouraging word about identity, and it has blessed me immeasurably. I go back and read his fb comment often :).

One final note, those poppers I made for biblestudy a few days ago? Yeah, HUGE hit! At least eight comments.
Pictures soon!

Prayer - Pastor Ed Noble

2009-09-06T13:44:00.000-07:00

Visited my cousins church, Journey, today. Worship was okay, but the message was fantastic. Throughout his message on prayer, I starred points that really spoke to me. LOL! I looked back after the message and saw that I had starred every single point he made!

OUR PRAYER: Lord, teach us to pray

....invitaion to walk a little ways toward a new normal

BIG POINT OF THE WEEKEND - Prayers true self is rel=vealed wehn we enjoy ...we cant stop learning, or relearning 'til we are there.

COACH US UP: Luke 11 (5&6)
Lord's Prayer

Shamelessness - Bring your real self, your whole self
never pretend with God

Luke 11:7&8 - persistence
barefaced, audacity, shamelessness

Body
Imaginagination
Intellect
Emotions - cant but must be there
Bring the WHOLE Package

HEART - Avoid the danger of losing heart (Luke 18:1)
ask
seek
knock
EVERYONE who asks receives..... - Luke 11:9&10

I have what I have to love God with

Ask God to move

Problem side - Dissappointment, unbelief, ignorance
Solution side - Togetherness and focus

Reminder: You have to fight for Joy/happiness

Holy Spirit - Something done TO you more than BY you
Luke 11:11-13

God gives GOOD gifts

Fire (passion, intensity) Spiritual gifts
Spiritual Longing Healing
Taking us deeper Leading/Prompting

God delights to give us Himself so we can share his delights
Delight yourself in the law of the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.
~Psalm 37:4

Often, we must stand under the unimaginable mysteries of God
Richard Foster

GOD, give us what we really, ultimately need - You!

Seasons May Change, But God is Forever the Same

2009-04-28T15:09:00.000-07:00

When I first moved to Montana, I thought I would be spending the rest of my life here. A short time and whatever desire I had to ever move back to California...gone. It felt like home....almost immediately.
Hindsight is always 20/20. Looking back at the past year and a half (seems like three) I saw a chain of events that told me something was up. "God is up to something" is what I kept telling myself early on. Landing (and then losing) my first job, my first ...and second staph infection, not being able to find another job, the ups and downs with the house I currently live in. When mom called me one afternoon and told me they were moving me back to Cali, I bawled... for three days. I still LOVED Montana. I still saw myself living the rest of my life here. I thought I was nearing my dream.
Five months prior to all this I was at a rally where we had a speaker and three or so bands that played their music. One of them really stuck out to me; Richard Andrew Experiment. I immediately added him to MySpace. A few months later and he has a Facebook page...added him there too. One afternoon listening to his music and I had to ask myself "WHY do I like his music so much. SOMETHING kept me coming back to it. Then this moving back to California came up---and his music is hitting me A LOT differently. I just happened to see on his FB page he posted a video of him singing a song he wrote at his church, a song called 'None Compares'. It had me resting my head against my computer keyboard, bawling. I came across his YouTube page where he had posted others and came aross 'Fall Apart'. Uh-oh, here we go again! I don't know why exactly (must have been a God thing), but I shared with him my frustration.
Now, I have kept the notiication of his note on my FB wall for some time now, and read his note often. Just a week or so ago I read it and the word 'peace' stuck out to me. God seemed to be telling me it was time to pray for peace regarding my move. Peace, I didn't want it, I was afraid to pray for it for fear it was a "giving in" to my moving back. It took me day and a half. The crazy thing was, once I did I immediately felt it. Whoa! THAT was fast! Where there was once fear, there is now excitement! I am listening to RA's music he gave me when we first met and even THOSE are messing with me :D,

Unchanged - "Your situation has changed, but I(God) have not, My plans for you have not"
New Song - God's challenge to me in the midst of difficult circumstances

The rest of them, lines stuck out to me -

Give Your Life to Jesus - "Hopes, dreams, fears, anxieties, frustrations"
Love All Over the World - " No one understands the path that led me, to losing everything that I held dear, and after watching it all disappear, He's beckoning me near..."
Enough is Enough - "I'm just looking for peace that I don't understand....." Funny how earlier the word 'peace' in his note really hit me.
Chief - Like 'Give Your Life to Jesus', this one just grew on me. lol!

Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future.

I think it Has God Written All Over it.

2009-03-29T20:41:00.000-07:00

I know I posted this once already, but I realized I had left out a few details, so the original post might have been a bit confusing to some, if not all.

The past three years I have had PC&D's song 'Rollercoaster Ride of Life' in my mind. The title literally describes how life has been in that time.
I thought I had the job of my dreams just six months graduated from my second college degree. My very first day and a co-worker has an allergy attack to servicedog Alehe and is rushed to the ER(she does not take meds for it). I then started leaving Alehe at home while I went to work (she protested by eating ALL the popcorn off my Christmas tree that my roomies had spent three hours stringing and putting up. She had it down in lesst than two). Weeks later and I am in the ER myself with a nasty staph infection in my lower right leg. In the meantime I am searching for another job. Six months after my first staph infection...it hits again - same leg, but we catch it early. Same heavy medication through an IV instead of the nasty PICC line the threaded through my upper arm to my heaert (yeah, I nearly jumped off the table, it HURT!) Meanwhile I am still searching for work teaching young ones. Because I have a disabiltiy anbd use a wheelchair and because I have a servicedog that acompanies me everywhere I go......I am receiving every lame@ss (pardon me) excuse in the book as to why I am not hired.

God is up to something. It's what I have been hearing for months now. When I started going to church on Saturday nights it was because Sunday mornings I would hopefully be teaching Sunday school here pretty soon, and I have been now since November. The theme for our Saturday night service - "New Beginnings". Was God trying to tell me something?
Never did I think it would include my moving back to Southern California. I swore I would never leave..okay, wait. There are A LOT of things I swore I would never do...leaving California in the first place, teaching, teaching preschool. SHUTTING UP NOW!!! Lesson learned.
A few months ago I went to an outreach a friend of mine helped put together. She knew of a budding Christian artist and invited he and his band to come play, along with a few other budding singer/songwriters. His name is Richard Andrew. I enjoyed his music, though none of his songs spoke to me really. At one point he caught me grooving to one of his tunes (I didnt even know I was doing it!). I had been leaving short messages on his MS page about how much I loved his music. He left a message on mine one day about being thankful for newfound friendships. Then he gets a FB page and of course I had to add him. I am on FB much more than MS anyway. I shared with him one day about my pending move to CA and what I was feeling. He responded with---

Tryna... so sorry to hear about the many struggles you're facing with the pending move back to So. Cal. Sometimes the most difficult decisions are in perfect sync with God's will and plan, so be on the lookout for HIS work in the midst of this season of change you're facing. You will be in my prayers sis. When you get to So Cal be sure to let me know...that's my homebase. We'll hook up and see if the Lord might use me or someone I know to help with your transition (perhaps a job?) No matter what happens, Montana or California, my prayers are will you, and I'm here. "Help is on the way!" ~RA

His last line to me was a portion of lyrics to one of his somngs I listened to on his YouTube page and just happeened to put in a message to him about what spoke to me in that song. Since the decision was made that Iwould be moving back to California, NOW his songs are hitting me like they weren't before. A LOT of them! He wrote in his note about the possibility of God using him when I get there, i think God is already using him. And i hope/pray God keeps on using him.
When I first heard I was being moved back to Cali, I was distraught, trying to figure out where God was in this whole mess. I believed He had the power to change the situation. Instead of changing the situation, I believe He is changing ME! I am actually excited about starting a "New Beginning" so to speak. (Quick, somebody take my temperature!!) I didn't want to pray for peace about moving if that was His will. But again, I did it because I felt He was asking me to.
Growing up I had a dream of living in a beautiful, spacious place such as Montana. I saw my moving here fifteen years ago as a step toward that dream. We lived in Corvallis Montana on forty acres with horses, dogs, chickens, cattle (they weren't exactly ours but we rented to the owner who eventually gave us one calf in exchange for rent. THE first calf born on our property. Dad named him Norman....until we found out later it was a girl. Then it beame Norma, who eventually bore us a Norman). I said at one point if I never got that again it would be okay (I think I might of fibbed just a bit). I've been giving it to God, He can do with it what He wants.
A couple of nights ago I had an interesting dream. Now, lately I have been forgetting my dreams as soon as I wake. What I do remember never makes sense(stress dreams from what I've heard from a friend). I gave it to God. Anyway, this particular dream I COULD remember. And it was sweet! I remember receiving a gift from my parents (I think, its the only part I can't remember). It was a greenish blue butterfly clock to hang above the fireplace mantle, Only it was in large sections. When I awoke from the dream I had part of a song running through my head---

In Your time, in Your time
You make all things beautiful
In Your time....

Dream

2009-03-26T16:25:00.000-07:00

A few years ago I recieved a prophetic word about dreams, something about God speaking to me through them. I had been having a lot of dreams that a) didn't make sense b) scared the living bejezuz out of me. I wanted God to do something about them.
I had a dream last night (amazing I even remembered it as I usually forget them upon waking). I had received a rather large but beautiful green/blue butterfly clock as a gift (for what purpose I dont remember). I do remember having to put it together as it was in three or four large pieces. Friends were there to help me but who I cannot recall. Strangely enough though, I awoke with a praise/worship song stuck in my head "He makes all things beautiful, in His time".

God Moment IV : Outpour 2009 and "God is Up to Something"

2009-03-04T13:18:00.000-08:00

I logged into Facebook one afternoon to find an event invitation from a Chi Alpha friend. Outpour 2009 with Shaun Smith was happening March 1st on the UofM campus here in Missoula. I decided to go since I just happen to live two blocks away. Now that I use a powerchair, I can travel at night a bit easier. For the next couple of days until the conference, I spent less time at my computer, seeking what God would have for me this weekend.
I came expecting, and once again God delivered. The very first night He used a prophetic word not spoken by the speaker himself (of which I was hoping for seeing how he was giving them to others in attendance), but through a gentleman on his ministry team. Shaun Smith had asked for a raise of hands for people who were experiencing different things in their lives and prayed over them. Then a worship song ensued. I just happened to be raising my hands in worship when two or three people from the ministry team walked over, placed their hands on me, and prayed. One of the gentleman struck up a conversation with me and I shared with him what I was feeling. Events of the past few months, years maybe, had been weighing heavily on me. He then began to share with me a picture God had given him as I spoke.
He spoke of seeing a racehorse behind the starting gate, who was raring to go (The fact that he used a horse excited me as I just happen to love horses in general). He then went on to explain that God was up to something (This part REALLY excited me as for months I too felt as though God was up to something. At least, that is how I chose to look at it). I wish I could remember ALL he said to me as I am sure there was more. But my mind was stuck on the "God is up to something" part of his prophetic word.

Outpour 2009 and Shaun Smith --- Notes

2009-03-01T23:00:00.000-08:00

The greatest temptation is to hide who we are meant to be.
I cannot escape who I am meant to be
If you risk your reputation.......
1Sam 2:30 - God will honor those who honor Him
The things you put your hands to do; flourish
2Sam 23
I need to reinvent myself
Calling away from mediocrity
God has put greatness in me
God wants to grow you by putting you in high-risk situations
2Sam. 23:8 - 12 (verse 11 - victory)
Atmosphere of Risk
Faith in vs. Faith for
What you do when you are afraid determines your destiny
If you don't fight teh enemy, he tags along and tries to steal your life until you beat him down and refuse to back down and give up what he tries to steal
Dont limit your life to what you can figure out
The 'Miracle Zone' begins where the comfort zone ends
(Heb 11) Risk - willingness to loose life and agenda to gain His life and agenda

1.) Before you unleash exploits, you must unlearn fears
When you let in fear, it restricts you from seeing what God is doing
Fear will NEVER go away
DON'T let fear dictate your life
The greatest risk is not taking it
If you draw back when God is drawing you out, you will miss what God is drawing you to.

2.) Turn your adversity into ministry
Adversity DOES NOT have to define you
God wants us to take Him up on His promises

3.) Faith doesn't eliminate uncertainties, it embraces them
Faith - the most important musle

My Trip to Seattle

2009-01-17T12:20:00.000-08:00

Wow am I ever behind on posts lately. A lot has been happening and I guess my mind is a bit frazzled! Here's a partial update. More posts to come.

The primary reason we were in Seattle a while back was so that I could get a second opinion on some medical issues I have been dealing with for years, but have grown considerably worse in the past few months. It turned out to be a great thing seeing a specialist, and a bit emotional for some of us (mom). I was amused at the very beginning as we waited in a room after a medical test and the first words out of her mouth when she opened the door were, "Your (certain part of the human anatomy)'s crap. I have never had a docotr put it so bluntly before, I had to laugh.
Mom and I are extremely glad we went although now comes the hardest part, deciding if I want to do surgery or not. Physially, I am not in any danger if I decide to do nothing. but the surgery that would be done (as the test ruled out a few other options)is rather involved. The final outcome would be awesome for me, but the thought of going through surgery again.... :P (sticking tongue out)
Meanwhile, I am thinking.....and praying!

So after the appointment, I had a couple of extra days - to have fun! Mom and I ate at the Cheesecake Factory one night for dinner. The dinner was AWESOME! (I can't even remember what I had now, dangit!) Another nights dinner my brother took us to a restaraunt where they served 'Pho", pronounced 'Fuh'. Ohhhhhh was that ever gooooooooood! My tastebuds were doing the happy dance! Of course I ate way more than my stomach thought it could handle.

One afternoon we went on the 'Duck Tours' in Seattle. The 'Ducks' were hybrid vehicles (front end jeep, back end boat) that go on water AND land. It was neat to see where the t.v. show 'Cheers' was filmed. We also saw where they filmed "Sleepless in Seattle". The whole time we were on the tour the captain played themed music while giving the tour. It was great!

My brother attends Mars Hill church near his home. I had been there a few times when visiting and we went again this trip. The worship is simmiliar to CLC's worship. The pastor is great! He was preaching a series on Trial: 8 Witnesses from 1st and 2nd Peter. There was even a study guide. It was the first week of this new series and it really hit home for me. The stage was even made to look like the inside of a detectives office.

CH 14: Destined to Become Great

2008-12-12T17:05:00.000-08:00

Regardless of where you were raised or born, you have been destined to become great.

Whatever God has called you to do, if you are being obedient to His call, then you are walking in greatness!

...You need to begin to see yourself doing great things.

Isaiah 54:17 - nothing formed against you can prosper

TIME TO DREAM

When you recognize the gift God has placed inside you and begin to walk in it, God will begin to open doors for you like never before.

There is nothing God cannot do.

CH 13: How to Use Your Gift

2008-12-11T13:12:00.000-08:00

...the most effective way of growing your gift is to use it

God used my gift to make room for me and our ministry when we gave it away.

Your gift will make room for you.

Offer what GOd has given you, and what God has blessed you with.

Matthew 10:8 - Freely you have received, now freely give.

Galatians 6:7 - ...whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.

God has always been faithful to take care of my needs and my desires. He will take care of my business, if I take care of His.

God operates on a different level than the world does.

When people do you wrong, just put them in God's hands. "Father, i commit thi sperson (situation) into Your hands".

Grudges...dream-killers, gift-dividers.

CH 12: How to Win in Life

2008-12-09T13:37:00.001-08:00

Don't put God on a timeline
When Abraham became inpatient, he brought despair and heartache into his life.
How many times have you quit before saw God come through for you? God always sees the end, the finished product

Protect the gift
You are a gift from God. God has found somonein you that He can share His secrets, His plans, and His assets with.
Once you yeild yoursef to God to be used, ...you are now valuable and are considered a dangerous threat to the enemy.

Write the vision
Hab. 2:2
Writing down what you are believing God for keeps it before your face all the time.

Don't talk doubt or unbelief
(whether it takes 22 years or 50 years)

Always keep the fire burning
Always believing God for greater and greater things.
When God knows He can trust you to believe Him and stand in faith for things, He is eager to give you more to believe for

Always have faith turned on
I never want to be a bench player

CH 11: It's Your Turn

2008-12-09T13:30:00.000-08:00

He wants to bless you because you are His child

what are you believing God for?

Sickness does not have to run your life and determine what you can and cannot do.

CH 10: A Miracle Working God

2008-12-08T13:31:00.000-08:00

Rick Reyna - God, we need a bigger sound system
God - Can you believe me for it?

I believed God for the new truck.
For the next four months, I would thank God for that truck every day.

That is the point where a lot of people get confused. They think God has called on them to make things happen. He has called us to walk by faith and let Him do the rest.

Habakuk 2:2 Write the vision and make it plain on tablets that he may run who reads it
Write the vision and what it takes to fulfill it.

When you are doing what God wants you to do, He will not only give you what you need, but what you want.

Sunday Sermon

2008-12-07T16:53:00.000-08:00

Pastor David Phillips - Acts 1:12 - 14

How Can God take ordinary people and use them in a profound way?
How did they get to a place where God could literally flow through them?

What they did to position themselves so that the supernatural ministry of the Holy Spirit could go through them to carry the gospel everywhere

Lord, do I have the right desire or passion that I ought to have?

vs. 12
join together in prayer

In ministry, it doesnt matter if you have alot in terms of technology or finances, the Holy Spirit superceeds them all.

1. The disiples were totally committed to God's plan.
Luke 24:49
wait until I do something in you
Acts 1:4,12
When God is working in our lives, He doesn't tell us everything thats going to happen in our future. He gradually shows us His will as we obey Him. (The hang-up for most Christians)
This is where God starts with us
Speaks to our hearts
presses upon us to spend more time with Him
Seekin grelationship with us
THE beginning of ALL ministry
John 15:4
We've Got to spend time with Him (prayer)
(Are we living obediently OR conveniently?)
1John 3:21,22
Answered prayer = doing what we know the will of God is
God is calling us to a deeper level of devotion, commitment
Am I doing the things that require the least amount of effort?

2. The disciples were in community with God's people
Acts 1:12,14 (Luke 8:2), Mark 15:40
waiting in the presence of God for a unity of spirit
homothumadon - same temperature, same passion
they all wanted a moving of God
("Lord, whatever it is You want to do in this place, that is what we want!")
Hunger, thirst, desire for God to move
Jesus was moved with compassion because He saw them as a sheep without a sheperd (we need to do the same)
Want what God has for you

3. They were consitent to pray for God's power
Acts 1:14
constantly - it'sall they know, all they do
not one day on the next day off
2:42, 6:4,
Eph. 6:18, Col. 4:2, Phil. 4:6, 1Thess. 5:17

How can God take a group of people who have done nothing signifiant in theoir lives, put them in a position where they are filled with the Holy Spirit, and then send them out to change the world. (points 1 - 3)
What is the priority of my life?
Pastor Kirby John Caldwell - There are two great moments in a persons life, the moment you were born and the moment you realize why you were born.
Want these three things more than anything

Lord, I lay myself on the altar. There has got to be more. I don't really know what the purpose of my life is. Use me in a profound way, empower me with Your Spirit. I want to be open, yieled to You.

CH 9: Time to Launch Out

2008-12-05T17:14:00.000-08:00

...God has a funny way of launhing you out to fulfill your dream.

....it looks like the bottom is ready to fall out of your life adn your haning on by a thread. Thats the time when you need to press into God even more.

Dig deeper into the Word of God, find scripures of faith and promise to speak over your life and over your situation.

Surround yourself with positive things, positive people.

Refuse to walk in fear! Refuse to walk in doubt adn don't let it even come out of your mouth!

Give out of your need and sow seed into the Kingdom of God

When you start hearing the devil talk...you have to shut his voice out of your life. His job is to crush your dreams before they even start. Just because you don't see something happening in the natural, physical world, doesn't mean God is not moving.

It's when you don't see nothing happening...is when God is really doing the most.

God knew we needed a truck, we just kept busy doign God's will and let Him take are of the logistics.

CH 7: Body Double

2008-12-03T13:44:00.000-08:00

I remembered all the other voices who told me tha I wasn't going to amount to anything, who said I ould never become anything great because I was a Mexican. But here I was in Hollywood, about to star in a movie as Al Pacino's photo double. God had already done great things in my life and He was continuing to do more miracles every single day.

God gave me a dream! God gave me a desire!

CH 8: "A Mobile What?"

2008-12-03T12:46:00.000-08:00

"Rick, for now, your time in Hollywood is over."
Just like that...and I knew my work there was done. God took the passion and desire out of me to be there and I felt a release in my spirit to go on to other things.

I just knew there was someting new God was doing in me. I recognized the pattern God had set in my life.

...I began to pray about what God would have us do next.

God - "I want you to believe me for..."

...I had gained the confidence for what God had called me to do.

My faith was not at a hundred-thousand-dollar level yet.

Listening to the voice of the enemy can rob you of your destiny

CH 6: A Closed Door or an Open Opportunity

2008-12-01T16:03:00.000-08:00

When my dad sold his truck, I assumed this so called gift of doing Rally's was over...."Maybe there is something else God wants me to do."
Now it seemed that part of my life was done...or was it?

I beame a star for Jesus, even with only one line. I believed I was a star because I believed God allowed me to land that part and I did it!

DEATH OF A DREAM
Dreamt of going to Hollywood
Pastor shuts it down - "God did not call you to Hollywood"
Throws that dream in the trash
Pastor also pulls him from Youth Ministry
Believes pastor that God had not called him.

.....but we were wrong. God had other plans.

REBIRTH of a DREAM
(could God be allowing my dreams to die, only to raise them up at a"better" time?)

"... I feel this desire burning inside me again". (after switching churches)

Pastor - "I believe that within thirty days a door is going to open up for you in Hollywood".

Together we believed God was able to do anythign He promised us because we belonged to Him.

God - "...if I have called you, no one can uncall you. I fI gave you that word, that word is going to stick." "I am the God who is able to open every door."

"God, if this is from You, only You can open up this door!"

New Beginnings - Pastor Phillips

2008-11-30T19:11:00.000-08:00

The Making of Great Faith - Mathew 15

Little faith, weak faith, strong faith, dead faith, bold faith, common faith
Great faith – MEGA faith (Greek)
Mtt. 15:21, 22
Great faith - a matter of the heart

1. Great faith has the right object (focus)
The woman puts her faith in the right person
“I believe my God is able and He will see me through”
Wishful thinking is not faith nor is hoping it’s all going to work out in the end
Matthew 15:22 – “she came to Him” (Jesus)
God has to be the focus, not putting faith in the one praying for you. We can go to God for the answers

2. Great faith is repentant
Great faith is twofold – turning from sin to God
“Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me!” (“I am here, even though I don’t deserve anything”)
Great faith approaches God in brokenness

3. Great faith is reverent
Vs. 22 – Lord, (worship, reverence) Son of David (she recognized his lineage – exaltation)
Mark 7: - she fell at His feet
Matt 15:25
Matt. 6:9 – Lord’s Prayer

4. Great faith is relentless (“I am not going to let go until I have an answer!”)
Vs. 23 – it’s almost as if Jesus deliberately puts some barriers (obstacles) in her way
She never gives up; she never stops asking Jesus even when it seems He is not paying attention
We’ve had times where we’ve prayed and haven’t felt, seen anything
We’re wondering if God is even paying attention
A lot of times we give up – we take matters into our own hands
“I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel” - Your not Jewish so sorry, can’t do anything.
Silence, theological put off

Vs. 26 – Jesus is working on the woman’s heart. He has something He wants to accomplish in her heart. He wants to draw her to a place of deeper devotion and a greater depth (understanding) of who He is
He delays the answer so to draw us to a greater dependency upon Him.

Abraham waited 25 years for God’s promise
Romans 4:20
What in our eyes often looks like a delay is God working/strengthening and answering

Vs. 27
Believe and trust God in your situation (He is developing greater faith in you)

Vs.28
“Woman, you have great faith and your request is granted”

Boy with Epilepsy (demonic possession)
“If you can …all things are possible for those who believe"
"I do believe! Help my unbelief!”

Luke 18:1 – 8
Always pray and not give up

CH 5: A Prophetic Glimpse

2008-11-29T15:53:00.000-08:00

God deosnt revel hi splan for your life all at one time. If He did, you'd probably run from it or simply not believe it. However, if you're seeking after God and you are open to His voice, sometimes He'll give oyu a propheti glimpse of the plans He has for you in the future.

I couldn't wait to see what God was going to do with it.

I knew she would come along one day and when she did, I didnt wnt to be used up like a pair of old, worn out , smelly hi-tops

CH 4: Graduation Surprise

2008-11-29T15:50:00.000-08:00

Sometimes what "seems" in the natural to be a setback, is actually God working out an opportunity for us and our gift to shine.

...causes our confidence in our gift to grow as well.

CH 3: The Missing Ingredient

2008-11-29T15:39:00.000-08:00

I wanted so badly to excel at something. I needed something to set me apart from everybody else, something to make me special.

I had a gift to pray

The more I prayed...the more my faith began to buildin excercising my gift.

I gained more onfidence every time I opened my mouth and prayed to God.

CH: 2 The Call

2008-11-29T12:19:00.000-08:00

When I returned form camp that year, I made a decision to completely give my life over to God for whatever He had planned for me.

John 4:4 - Greter is He that is in me, than he who is in the world
I realized htat God has placed a dream in every persons heart, a desire that when fulfilled makes life worth living.

All I knew was to be real with God and make sure He knew I was available.

Book: A Latino and God, by Rick Reyna

2008-11-28T11:47:00.000-08:00

I heard Rick Reyna speak at a 'Rally for Jesus' that a friend put together one evening a few weeks ago. A couple of singers were there too that I had never heeard of before, but that were good, especially Richard Andrew Experiment. In fact, I hadnt really expected to come home with muh, maybe one CD of hte artist I most liked, or a book by the speaker. Two of the artists gave me their CD's RAE included. I only had to pay for the book. RAE had a few CD's out and so I contemplated which one to get. But was given them both. I fully would have paid for them.
Funny, but partway through the concert and it was RAE that said something toward me. ( I was moving to the music and not even realized it. I have listened to their CD every day, even added them on Myspace, of whith the lead singer has replied a few times. We even chatted a bit after the concert (He and Alehe hit it off real well).

CH: 1 No Mister Rogers Neighborhood

The only things I saw were the limitations that were on their lives, holdiing them back from any potential good things. Their exuses usually hinged on the fact that they were Mexican.

Even friends told me to go ahead and dream about living the good life, but that's all it would ever be...a dream.

I could have agreed with the people who told me I was never going to amount to anything or do anything significant because I was Mexican....lived with a 'victim' mentality and a chip on my shoulder. But something in me would not let me do that. Deep down in my heart I knew there had to be something better out there for me....pulling at me, causing me to see myself headed in a different diretion and a better place.

Daniel

2008-11-22T19:25:00.000-08:00

Daniel 6
How to Navigate Life

So far...
Daniel was displaced out of his family, his country and his religious system
wicked education system yet he excelled
under king Nebuchanezzar
Belshazar
65 years under three kings
approx 81 yrs

King threw Daniel in the lions den
God shut the mouths of the lions
Daniels accusers were thrown in the lions den when he was released, they devoured them before they hit the ground
I wanna make it out of the lions den, how do I do that?
It doesn't happen overnight
God builds and directs
Each one of us has potential and promise that God has placed in us
through preparation (life) God brings that potential and promise out
If we want to make it out of the lions den we have to develop Godly habits
God has given each one of us a measure of faith, talent (Rom 12)
Dan 6:1-4
*(Daniel posessed an extraordinary spirit,and so the king planned to appoint him over the entire kingdom)
Daniel, excelling at what was placed in front of Him
key to life - God, what is this thing You have placed in front of me that I can live for?, how you've wired me, my interests, what has affected me,
I can live for God
Our strength often increases in proportion to the obstacles imposed upon it
Daniel had some obstacles he was facingwe have obstacles we are facing - that is how we become stronger
We want out of the lions den, but do we want to do the things which
take us through the lions den?

How to Face Opposition
1. Go to God (first response)
2. Stay at your task
3. Determine the right response (are there things I need to adjust?)
4. Let your life patterns and character speak for itself
"Your friends don't need an explanation, and your enemies won't take one."

Life's victories are found in Godly patterns.

Christopher Columbus - in his journals, he was not motivated primarily by discovery, but by bringing the Gospel to non-believers.
"We sailed on".

vs. 10,16,20
Faithfulness(Godly patterns we create today our future tomorrow)
we are dismantling our past
Prayer - vs 11
The greatest vitory to the enemy of our lives would be that he would have us be prayerless
Prayer should be the FIRST thing we do, not the LAST.
Petition-kneeling in submission before God saying "I need help in navigating life".
The strongest at of humanity is getting on our knees before God.
Supplication - coming from the position of weakness
Call for protection "here I am Lord, I am pleading for help".
Giving Thanks - (gratefulness) genuine
Be thankful for where your at
DO NOT compare your race, path, position gifts with anyone else's.
Comparison can kill.
vs. 16,19
Develop service to God
The way God wired us is to get His name out to others
Jesus came as a servant, Daniel exampled this
vs. 21,22 - Integrity
"I've done nothing wrong". GOD shut the mouths of the lions
Even if you don't see results, KEEP PRAYING
vs. 23 - Trust in God
(Pastor Hicks and his friends in the play - even when no one shows up inside, they trusted God was doing something outside)
Godly habits will get you out of the lions den
vs. 24
25 - 27

CH 7: Acts 13 Breakthrough

2008-11-17T12:19:00.001-08:00

God has rebuked me for my doubts
...God met me and began to pour thoughts into my mind as to how the goal could be achieved
There is a a very high return rate of Missionaries from the
field...and many more reasons.
Average term...ten years.
...traditional view of what missionaries do can distort our thinking about the numbers needed
Keep in mind that our first burden is not to concentrate on numbers, but to complete the task - to obey the Lord
...an unbalanced view of money is playing to big a role in the thinking of some Christian leaders and organizations
Every believer and church must be ready to give, passionately and cheerfully, a higher percentage of all money for world missions and especially for the cause of reaching the unreached.
-involvement on the field is crucial to a local church's vision of God's heart for the whole world
We need a greater renewal and reality in the churches - from a superficial walk with God to accepting the challenges that God puts before us today
Grace awakening - renewed emphasis on the 1Corinthians type of love
for one another
Greater discipline in prayer, studying the Word of God and giving
Be aware of allowing negative thinking to kill our creativity or vision. God is working in the midst of what looks to us like a mess. Often what we think is casualty, is not casualty to God.
God often achieves tremendous things through the most unlikely people.

CH 6: Finance for the Work

2008-11-15T13:55:00.000-08:00

We are ALL suppose to live by faith, trusting God for our needs regardless of the way He supplies. (SSI, mom and dad, etc.)
Luke 18:1 - 5 "Persistence in prayer".
As we pray, we will begin to encounter awkward and difficult situations to test the sincerity of our goals.
...motives (what are the motives for the things that I do?)
...God glorifying goals in mind
He often withholds...He is concerned about our wrong view of Him
The Book of Job - Not putting God in a box
God does not want to destroy our goals, but refine us as we move toward them.
Prayer is work
Along with prayer, there needs to be action (what is the action I need to take regarding my prayers)
...because they love people, saw a need and wanted to give. (why do I give?)
***2Cor 8: 1-7...they gave as much as they were able...they gave first to the Lord
God urges us to excel in the grace of giving
Many Christians fail to realize that without their money, things won't happen. They have a feeling that someone else will take care of it.
God wants things to happen, but He makes US responsible; so it is WE who decide whether it happens or not
May we grasp more fully why we should have a passion and a grace for giving;
...the lack of finance is a major factor in holding up the work of God
The resources are available if only God's people would release them.

CH 5: Future Missionaries - From Where?

2008-11-14T10:26:00.000-08:00

...they have stayed on too long in the particular church they were planting
Missionaries, like anyone else, can get comfortable.
We still have a large number of Westerners wanting to go to countries where missionaries are not really needed
Manila - children sleeping in the streets; how to mobilise the church for reaching and caring for these children
You will have to be different than those who went twenty years ago
...there has been a misuse of human resources within missions and a low value placed on peoples time; some missionaries, in whom there has been a huge investment in training, and placing, are doing really trivial tasks.
Missions...exported with the gospel and alien culture...in bondage to that culture rather than to scripture.
...convinced that in certain countries some people are gathering up workers, who have no call from God, by paying them a small salary to do Christian work. They simply need a job, there is massive unemployment, and so they queue up to do Christian work.
We cared enough to surrender our comfort and way of life to share God's love with others.
The Great Commission not only calls us to send money, but ourselves

4-Being a Missions Mobiliser

2008-11-13T21:31:00.001-08:00

A Christian who not only wants to get involved in evangelism and missions work, but who wants to get other people involved as well
Marketplace ministry - very ordinary jobs
If your hearts cry is for the whole world, if you can't seem to hear God directing you to go to one specific people or area, if you are gifted naturally and spiritually in communicating and encouraging, perhaps your strategic miche is that of mobiliser. You can encourage, exhort, prod, lure, handhold, cajole, and pray whole churches into a sharper vision of their part in God's global purpose.
If the pursuit of God's glory is not above the pursuit of man's good, in the affections of the heart and the priorities of the church, then man will not be well served and God will not be duly honored.
Missions mobilisation...starts on our knees
...as Christians, often our goals and aims are too low.
What we need are a combination of tasks that are both possible and impossible
We want to be filled with faith, but we want to be realistic.
(Lord, take hold of and stretch my imagination!)
Ownership of World Missions - improve our knowledge of them. We can do this by reading, watching videos, and listening to audio cassettes
Can you imagine the Apostle Paul, having a mobile phone, or a computer at his fingertips? God has given these things as tools.
Adopt a People Movement
...short-term work...You don't have to have a special call for this
God leads different people in different ways
disappointment...God's appointment
We have to stand against the fiery dart of discouragement.
Be aware of the subtleties of putting yourself down in an unbiblical way
the point of mobilisation? To release millions of hours of prayer and finances and workers into the harvest force.

CH. 3: Taking the Lead

2008-11-12T00:16:00.000-08:00

...it is the Spirit who is the director of all Christian work.
there needs to be a greater consciousness of the Holy Spirit and His work in believers
This fullness is not only to do with the emotions and inner work in our spiritual life, it is also to do with the quiet reality of how we live our lives from day to day, and with the making of plans and development of strategy in our Christian work
A constant daily filling but not a restless search for new 'experiences'.
Many people feel they need a fresh touch in their lives, and they go from conference to conference seeking something new.
God may be calling you to 'rise and build' (Neh. 2:18)
Some important balances:
time alone and time with others
time with family and time with non-family
between work and rest
between work and play
prayer and bible study
witnessing to non-believers and helping believers
What He (God) is today we shall find Him tomorrow, and the next day and next year.
He is quick to mark every simple effort to please Him
We please Him most ...by throwing ourselves into His arms with all our imperfections and believing He understands everything and loves us still.
Different character types are needed for leadership because different types of leaders are needed
As leaders we should be: people of prayer, encourager's of people, a reader (God's Word as well as Christian books).

CH 2-Out of the Comfort Zone

2008-11-11T19:03:00.000-08:00

2: We Are His Witnesses
Introduce people to Christ by his or her life, attitudes, actions and words
Acts 1:8 - But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you.....
...we should start out as witnesses now, regardless of the geography of our situation.
the Book of Acts and the history of the Church shows that to be a witness is also to speak out boldly about Jesus Christ.
they understand that they should be witnesses within their locality, where their home or their job happens to be, living Godly lives and speaking to others about Jesus.
Some people and groups have become distracted by the idea that only narrowly-defined, so-called 'high quality' people are needed on the mission field, when in fact people of all kinds are needed to fill a huge range of jobs.
The Power to Witness (God Given)
God fills and uses different kinds of people, many of whom may not look very promising by 'normal' standards
...determination to get up and go on after discouragement
We have to accept that as we go on with missions, there will be mistakes, failures, and sins. ....use them as springboard to launch us into greater things for God. (Failure: The back door to success)
...not to take yourself too seriously. Learn how to laugh at yourself while keeping on
Once again, by God's grace, in the midst of failure, something great was born that was to explode spiritually across the world.
Romans 8:28 - We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God and who are called according to His good purpose.
Plan B or C can be just as good as plan A
We have a tendency to think, but not to act. And to feel, but not to act. If we go on feeling and thinking, but not acting, soon we'll be unable to act.
Are you waiting for some kind of call before you move out to find your strategic niche in God's global plan?
Look to God to guide us as to what our particular part in it (mission) will be
To put your life, future and career on the altar for the Lord of Glory is no small thing. Your heart will be broken many times and you will face many disappointments.

Book: Out of the Comfort Zone by George Verwer

2008-11-10T13:11:00.000-08:00

Our Chi Alpha group had a guest speaker one evening.
I don't really know why I picked up this book exactly, I mean, there were only five copies on the table and I thought of leaving them for those who were more seriously-minded about missions. But something compelled me to pick one up. Maybe it had to do with the title?

1: A Grace-Awakened approach to Missions
Missions do need highly qualified people, but they also need good people who may not have high academic or professional qualifications.

Pastor Jim Hicks (CLC) - Too Late is Never Too Late

2008-10-26T13:36:00.000-07:00

I didn't make it to church Saturday night, the young woman whom I go with had somewhere else she had to be. I missed service this morning because my aide had overslept her phone is her alarm clock adn she forgot to take it off vibrate). I listened to both messages online, one last night before bed and one this afternoon. Our Saturday night pastor just happened to be speaking in our Sunday morning service as he sometimes does. I had to post this up here as it is another message I want to come back to often. Shoot, I had to listen to this message twice because it was so amazing.

Too Late is Never Too Late ---Pastor Jim Hicks

Too late is never too late even when circumstances aren’t going our way
Luke 8:40
Full of faith and trust in what God is going to do
God transcends time
Expectancy within our hearts for what God can do among us
God stuff some expectation, belief in us
Vs. 41
Desperation = great motivator to take us to God
Vs. 42
How many times have we had something in our head and it didn’t go that way?
Vs. 43
Too late is never too late even when others say it is over/ will never happen
Woman with the flow of blood
“Daughter, your faith has made you well, go in peace”.
Saying all along, “God will work this out”.
What am I telling myself, what am I listening to?
Look at what God has said, not what others have said
“She touched the hem of His garment”
Even when it was over, she believed Him
Vs. 44
She touched (grabbed) a hold of His garment
She had some action to her faith
When we stop believing or acting on what God has put before us, THEN it is over
KEEP GOING TO JESUS!!!
Vs. 45
The source of power – “It is not too late” - is in Jesus Christ
Come with our faith today, “Lord I want to press into you today”
Do what you need to do to press through to Him, no “microwave” prayers
Jesus is that answer
Praying through
Don’t let things destroy me
Vs.47 – 48
“Daughter” Go in peace (rescue, completeness) your faith has healed you
Lord, give me that same kind of faith today!
49 – 56
Too late is never too late even when natural hope is gone
Vs. 49
Our belief will cause us to do crazy things
Pastor Hicks “We will stalk (pursue) our future wife if we believe that is the one we want”
When things are not going well, can we still place ourselves at the mercy and trust of God?
Vs. 50
Jesus - “Do not be afraid any longer. Only believe….”
God, help us to build an atmosphere of faith and an atmosphere of belief no matter what we are facing
Vs. 51
Building an atmosphere of faith
Negative-‘ectomy’ – Jesus took the negative out of the room
Vs. 52
“Stop weeping, she has not died, but is asleep.”
He didn’t let their stuff stop what He wanted to do”
He saw something others didn’t see
Jesus wants to grab whatever is dead in your life and say “Arise!”
Return of the Spirit of God to the vision for what’s ahead
TOO LATE IS NEVER TOO LATE with GOD –Not because of who we are but of who He is
It’s the grace of God that He wants to pour into our lives

Facing Disappointment

2008-10-23T11:33:00.000-07:00

Pastor Phillips was in Chi Alpha Tuesday night as I am just arriving through the door of the classroom where it's held. I was surprised to see him there. AFter saying an enthusiastic and somewhat surprised "Hi!", I asked "What brings you to Chi Alpha?" (or maybe something more like "What are YOU doing here?" He then told me he was the speaker for tonight. "Yeah!",I exclaim as I pump my fist. Little did I know how much his message and the story he told in closing would affect me.

Two areas of disappointment
circumstances
people

Websters Dictionary definition of disappointment
not as appointed ; not as planned

dissappointed with the way things are going in our life

Acts 7:22 - 29
Moses

He's in trouble with the Egyptians AND the Hebrews
One day he is a somebody, the next - a foreigner
forry years away from what he thought was God's purpose in life
Life is not going as he planned
life is falling apart
situations not working out the way you think they should
goal/purpose - confused
no way out, no answer - nothing is going to change
Can God help me with my dissapointment
YES

Moses is pulled toward his own brethren (me, having a disability myself, being pulled to teach children with disabilties)

He (meaning God) will have to teach me

1) God is in control of every circumstance
He is not controlled by them, He controls them
Power of Christs word holds everything together
Heb 1:3
He orders them according to His plan
Psalm 31 - My times are in Your hands
God is aware of times in my life
This is the da:y that the Lord has made, Let us rejoice and be glad in it - Psalm
whether in prison or Palace
we may not understand everything that comes our way, we can understand His nature and His purpose
Faith/Trust -I believe God and I will trust Him with what is happening in my life. I trust He will be true to His Word

2.) God has a plan for my life - unique and individual for me
He sees things that I go through in a different perspective / viewpoint
See things the way God sees them
God has a better plan than I do
Moses disappointment becomes God's great appointment
God's way became the best way, even when it took forty years to happen
Are there areas of your life where you are disappointed because of circumstances?
Put your trust in Him
God will never fail you
Joseph - dreams about what God is going to do in his life, how God was going to use him
(sold off by brothers, put in prison, falsely accused for trying to rape masters wife, prison again)
In all this Joseph did not lose sight of God
God elevates him in the end
David - kills Goliath
hero at 17
given daughter of the king to wed
lavished with gifts
taken away overnight because Saul becomes jealous adn hunts him down to take his life 17 years
God delivers him and David becomes next king of Israel. David keeps his eyes on God
Daniel lions den

3.) Disappointment in people
Our disappointments = God's great appointments
Moses disappointed in Aaron bis brother for making an idol for the people while Moses is on Mt. Sanai
Elisha and Gehezai - 2Kings 10
Nahman- dip in the river seven times
Acts 15 - Barnabas and the missionary journey (Paul and John-Mark)
Get you eyes on Jesus -Psalm 121:2
Too many times our lives are destroyed by people or circumstances
Quiet ourselves before God -
Paul- He who has begun a good workk in you will carry it on to completion until the day of christ

Story
Jim Cymbala Fresh Faith
Wendy Alvair in Brooklyn
a romantic
dreaming of the day she would marry, raise a houseful of children
a lot harder than it looked - went through two boyfriends
disappointed with life
found a man of her dreams
engaged, planning wedding
fell apart, lonely, wasnt close enough to God to ask for help
experienced the death of her father
fiinally listened, resubmitted her life to Christ
Wendy grew in the Lord , became involved in the church
Desire to marry as strong a ever
Okay God, Where is he
silence
watched many friends get married
30th, 35th bday went by
maybe God's plan didn't include marriage, motherhood
talked to God about her singleness
prayer time = pity party
God "you've taken eyes off Me, and put them on your circumstance"
God is the Source of all happiness
Dark cloud lifted
gave the desire to God on the altar, stopped whining about it
1 year later
(man she met 12 years earlier) this must be something from the enemy
concerned about getting involved with a babe in Christ
He wanted God's will so badly, even if it doesnt include Wendy
37 and finally married
birthed two children
keep seeking God's will
Dont settle for less
Hebrews 10:35 - don't throw away your confidence
Matt 6:33 - Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all these things will be added to you.

My Baby is Ten Years Old Today!!!

2008-10-17T11:50:00.000-07:00

Alehe, my servicedog is a whoppin' ten years old today. Man time flies when your having fun! Next month it will be eight years that I will have had her. So far today, we have spent time laying on my bed in the sun together, me giving her a belly rub (her favorite thing in the world). After lunch, I think we will go for a walk somewhere, maybe to the dogpark with a toy.

A Giant Leap of Faith ---

2008-10-14T10:47:00.000-07:00

There was a flier in Sunday's church bulletin. Upon reading it during our meet and greet I immediately filled it out without giving it a second thought. At the conclusion of second service I went straight to the imformation booth to turn it in. Leaving the sanctuary and heading to my van I thought to myself, "What did I just do!?"
I had just signed up to be a teacher in KidZone, Christian Life Center's children's Sunday school. It is set up so there are more than one teacher in a classroom, and so teachers rotate on who would give the lesson for each week. A lesson for November would be in the mail shortly. I am so excited!
Noel called me on my cellphone as I was leaving Wal Mart. I only had a few things I needed to pick up. She and I are in christmas choir rehearsals together and she has heard me talk about my job woes and my enthusiasm for working with young children. I had marked on the sheet of paper the spot for the intern, and she persuaded me to forgo the internship part and be a lead teacher instead. I tried to start out as a helper and work my way into the lead teacher, but she felt this was a God thing of my getting involved and her thinking of me. I decided to take a giant leap of faith and accepted the challenge.
What is God up to, if anything, I am beginning wonder. The job prospects in the secular jobmarket are proving to be futile (although I haven't given up hope just yet). Even some of the volunteer opporunities have been limited it seems although I am volunteering now at the Missoula Boys and Girls club (it's okay, not a blast, but it's okay). What is interesting is while at chi Alpha one evening we had a Missoinary speak that night and on the table were books to give away. The Title? "Out of the Comfort Zone".
My first teaching experience ever was shortly after moving to Montana, when both my mother and I were talked into becomeing Missionettes teachers. That was when I felt lead to pursue it as a profession. Then I became involved in a fourth/fifth grade classroom grading papers, helping with seatwork, and prep work for some of those lessons. I became even more interested in education.
I became interested in doing therapy og work with Alehe, and that didn't even last very long. I think I went to the hospital maybe twice, if even that. There was just no room for me a the time I thought it would be most convenient.
I couldn't help but wonder if God is not more involved in this trouble with finding work, paid or otherwise, and if He isn't preparing me for something else. Would gettin involved in kiZone have come up had I not gotten involved in either Community Hospital's Pet therapy program or Boys and Girls Club?

Now I've got a Carman Song stuck in my head -
Taking a step, taking a step of faith
Walking out on, the Promises God made
Taking a giant, leap in the air
Stepping out on nothing to find something there
Telling the doubt to wait (echo: wait wait wait)
Taking a step of faith

God, renewing my confidence in teaching young children?

New Beginnings Saturday Night Service 10-11-08

2008-10-12T18:24:00.000-07:00

How to Thrive in Babylon---Thrive in a culture that is against you (Daniel 1:1 – 7)
What dreams and visions do you have?
Potential
Promise
Preparation – what’s needed to go further in the things of God
I have been given a lot of potential and a lot of promise (to accomplish what God wants me to in His kingdom)
The kingdom will impact people’s lives
What kind of potential and promise has God put into me?
Potential and promise – God given gifts to us
Preparation, what brings those things out to affect other people’s lives
Preparation in following God - Life and keeping our eyes on God as we go through life
There is a door somewhere, and we are the key to open that door.
Jeremiah –Prophecy, God was going to stir the pot
Daniels name changed, city besieged, nation has been in sin
Life as you know it is now different
Things that you hold dear are being taken and used for evil
David was forced to learn something false and demonic
Kidnapped, captured, displaced,
Taken from the familiar and put into unknown territory
Daniel – God is My Judge
How do you do when your world is shaken up?
(Bitterness)
We will remain strong if we build upon the things of God
His world was shaken but he was not
How do we thrive when that happens?
God disrupts the lives of those He is getting ready to use
(Moses, Abraham, Joshua, judges, Esther, Deborah, David, Saul, Peter, you)
The disruption in your life may actually be Divine direction
The things wrong in my life I may be complaining about may be the very gifts of God because he wants to bring out the potential and promise in you. (Preparation to see how we’ll respond)
When our world is shaken, God is doing something.
Heb. 12:28
(If your world is shaking you’re holding on to shakable things – Barry McGuire)
Psalm 62:1 – 2)
Psalm 15
How do we respond under pressure? (HOPE –Humility, Optimism, Perseverance, Enthusiasm)
Humility (3:1)
Submitted to the faulty system and earned the trust of others to be heard
God, I am going to submit my life to Your plan
Promise and potential will not trump preparation
Don’t ever say “That’ll never happen to me because……” because it could, and God could use that to prepare you in life
The way to greatness is to serve.
Bob Dylan –“You Gotta Serve Somebody”
Goes against what the world tells us
Optimism (Vs. 2)
The Lord gave….into his hand
The Lord did this
Next time your world gets shaken…say “God did this!”
God, You are in control
Panic and despair are not from God
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and thanksgiving
Proverbs -Anxiety will wear us down
Peter -Cast all your care on Him…
Today remember that God and God alone is able to care for all that exists. We can trust our smallest and largest concern to the wisdom and love of God
Poise
Vs. 8
Balance when it’s needed, stability, composure
Stability to pick and choose your battles
Opposite of poise – drama
Jesus Christ had great poise – before His accusers, on the cross
Enthusiasm
Vs. 17 – 20
God gave them intelligence and knowledge in every branch of literature and wisdom so that Daniel even understood all kinds of visions and dreams…
Daniel excelled in all kinds of challenged God put before him
(1828) enthusiasm – infused with a Divine spirit
Holiness- being the best you can be at where God has put you
HOPE
What does our nation need?
By Gods grace we can thrive
What are we facing? Is our world being shaken?
He knows exactly where we’re at!
In Jesus Christ, these things become authentic…no matter WHAT happens
Give God your shaken, shaking world

Missoula Boys and Girls Club

2008-09-29T21:12:00.000-07:00

I started volunteering at the Missoula Boys and Girls Club a few weeks ago. They have an after school program from 330 to 530 and so far I am there two days a week, on Mondays and Fridays. Friday afternoons I learned were strictly movie days, and so after spending a Friday there, one of the other workers there said that I was okay to change days if I wanted. Since the days I picked were occassionaly gym days, I decided I'd swich at least one of those days. I might swing in on a Friday here and there. Who knows.
I have a packet of infornmation about the boys and girls club as well as a wide variety of activities to do with teh children. i don't know of what purpose that serves at this moment because we don't seem to be using any of it. Right now its just doing homework if they want to and then playing on the playground.
Feels more like glorified babysitting. However, on occassion I do read a book with a younger child, and they do enjoy having Alehe in the room. Why, one day a middleschool girl gkot a kick out of Alehe giving them "high five"'s (a modified version of the command , "shake".

A Good "Fit"

2008-09-17T16:34:00.000-07:00

Joni and Friends Daily Devotional
September 14, 2008
Dear Tryna,

Jake's Story

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.
--Proverbs 19:21

Our Wheels for the World team arrived in a small town in Poland to distribute 225 wheelchairs and Bibles. Before the day had hardly begun, however, their plans were in shreds. The assigned room was tiny and cramped. But before anyone could come up with a plan B, streams of families with disabled children began pouring through the doors. The place quickly became packed and noisy. Everything was thrown into confusion. "Lord Jesus," the team prayed together, "may your purpose prevail here." Then they went to work greeting families, assessing needs, locating pre-assigned wheelchairs, and sharing the Gospel of Jesus at every opportunity.

The afternoon wore on. A tired father, carrying his little five-year-old disabled boy on his back, finally reached the head of the line. But when he lifted his son into the pre-assigned chair, his shoulders slumped. It didn't fit! "I am so sorry!" our seating specialist exclaimed, "this is the wrong chair." But there were only a few chairs left. Pushing aside several adult chairs, she reached for a child-sized one. But it was highly customized, with side supports-including blue leather backing with "Jake" stitched across the middle. In the end, there was no other choice. It was that chair or nothing. When the father lifted his boy into the new chair, it fit perfectly! An interpreter exclaimed, "It's like it was made for him!"

"By the way, what is your son's name?" someone asked the boy's mother. "Jakob," she replied-and everyone gasped! When an interpreter explained to the boy's mystified parents that "Jake" is the shortened version of Jakob-they, too, cried for joy. The whole family-along with almost sixty others-opened their hearts to receive Jesus that day. The Lord's purpose had prevailed!

*********

If you are struggling today with a plan-gone-haywire in your life, take comfort in Proverbs 19:21. The Lord's purpose will prevail.

Father, help me to see through the strands of my shredded plans that if your purposes are truly my purposes, your heart's desire will prevail.

Blessings,

Joni and Friends

Taken from Pearls of Great Price. Copyright © 2006 by Joni Eareckson Tada. Used by permission. Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530

Last year when I first became interested in Joni and Friends Family Camp, I signed up to receive her online devotional. In fact, I have a seperate folder in my email account for the devotonals i receive that hit home, some more than others. This one is no exception.
Trusting God that He will find me a position, albeit work or volunteer, that will be a good "fit".

Divine Encouragement

2008-09-12T18:43:00.000-07:00

In the past couple of weeks I have been on the job hunt again, this time with a different agency than one I had been previously working with. VR sent me to see someone over at the WORC center, out of Community Hospital. I did another round of vocational testing to see where my strengths and weaknesses lie. For starters they sent in teh mail two career assesments that I was to do before coming in for a brief meeting and doing two more in their office. Results? NOT what I wanted to hear!!! I scored my highest in secretarial values/interests. I came away from the experience discouraged, confused....

I have been going to both the Saturday night service at CLC as well as Sunday morning's second service. I wanted to check out the Sat. night service to hear the new associate pastor, Jim Hicks. He has spoken in the Sunday morning service a few times and I really enjoyed his preaching. I was able to find a ride from a young woman who frequents chi Alpha. :D I am now able to make it on Sunday mornings too, as one of the Nightingale aides on weekends has enough time scheduled to get me there and back. What is neat, one of them likes going to CLC now, as she had said she was looking for somewhere to go. I got the idea to go to both servicecs, that way I may help oout in the childrens church for something to do adn beause i love children, to beef up the resume' with more experience.

Pastor Hicks talked about wisdom in one of his sermons a few weeks ago, and it just so happened I wasn't there that saturday but I caught it online.
Romans 8:26 -
Partnership with the Holy Spirit
He helps us with our weaknesses
Don't run from your weaknesses
(Paul, I boast in my weaknesses)
Holy Spirit came to him when he was at least trying to do something
God will show up in the circumstances
Holy Spirit is with you
"Go and I will be with you
(Go do what you can find to do)
whatever your hand finds to do, do it. I will be with you
God comes to us at our point of weakness.
Looking beyond our weakness, and to the vastness of God
Dont be afraid of your weaknesses

A few points toward the end really hit home.

Holy Spirit came to him (Paul) whe he was at least trying to do something
I have been frustrated because I thought I knew exactly what God wanted me to do. When the preschool things felt as though it was slipping away, I became discouraged. That may not have been the whole picture. God can work through these little bumps in the road, after all, these may be part of His plan also. Something to prepare me for what's further ahead.
"Go and I will be with you"
(Go do what you can find to do)
whatever your hand finds to do, do it. I will be with you
Looking beyond our weakness, and to the vastness of God

I had been foolishly afraid. Afraid that VR would be steering me in a direction where God did not want me to go. These past couple of days I havae been putting out my resume' with volunteer applications at different places around town. I wrote a post earlier about volunteering @ Community Hospital with Alehe doing pet therapy adn the afternoons, which would work best for me, are already taken. Grrrr. So I have put in volunteer apps. at Easter Seals Growing Place (an inclusive Preschool), Valley Christian School, and will soon be putting one in @ Paxson Elementary and possibly the YMCA. I may even swing by Missoula County Public Schools on Monday and see what they hve available. Now it's up to God to open the doors. Valley Christian might be a bit iffy as there were access issues...stairs! But the principal said he and his staff would pray about what to do with me.

Poor Alehe

2008-09-12T17:38:00.000-07:00

I know blogging about not blogging is considered a no-no, but what if it is blogging about not blogging about your pet enough?

After reading a few blogs about people and their servicedogs, I dont feel as though I write enough about Alehe.
Shoot, I don't feel as though I have done enough with her, let alone blogged enough about her. But come powerchair (whenever the heck that is)we'll be in the groove once again. Hopefully I wont kill her in the process.

(Wish I had a picture to go with this post)

Renee' Bondi: The Last Dance but Not the Last Song

2008-08-16T13:02:00.000-07:00

So as you've probably read in an earlier post, I saw Renee Bondi at Joni and Friends Family Retreats a short time ago. She was selling books and CD's, and, well, I bought all four CD's (package deal) plus her autobiography. I even had her sign the book.
Her book is almost as amazing as she is! Crazy but, partway through the book and I felt as though I were reading parts of my own story.

At 29, Renee had an incredible future ahead of her. She taught music at a highschool. She had an incredible talent as a singer. And she was engaged to a wonderful man, Mike Bondi, the night of the senior prom where she worked.
All this changed in an instant. One morning she awoke to her body in midair. She landed on the floor as if she were diving into a swimmingpool. She rolled onto her back after realizing what had just happened. But when she rolled to her side to get up, CRACK! Pain so severe it threw her onto her back once again. She couldn't move. she tried to yell for help, her roomate downstairs, but her voice was reduced to a mere whisper. By some miracle of God, her roomate awoke about the precise time Renee had hit the floor, something they describe as the Holy Spirits doing. From this moment on, her life was changed forever.
Below are insights from what I gleaned from her story

Sometimes our lives take turns we didn't plan, and wouldn't have chosen.
Once she and Danny were both there together, I relaxed even more.
(I felt the same way while in the hospital, mom AND dad there, all is well)
All I did was fall out of a normal sized bed. Who gets hurt doing that?
(I broke my leg making my bed one year!)
"I'd rather be dead than live like this". - Doctor's remark
(Doctors can be so cruel sometimes.)

Junior year music became more important to me
(me, more like junior high)
We never know when something will happen that could completely change the course of our lives.

The horse era - that part of my life over?
I felt like part of me was being wrenched away
(riding horses,preschool too)
Where are all the people my age?
(me after graduating, and @ CLC)
using my music as a ministry
drawn to those whose faith I shared
(more so than non-believers)
Why would I go to Europe before I've seen America?
(I also have wanted ot travel overseas, to see wht it was like,, and how others with disabiliteis live in other countries. Ha, like I would be able to sit on a plane THAT long! I haven't been all over the U.S. yet)
I assumed I knew my sisters pretty well... (friends to roommates)
Renee and her sisters in Europe - God's saying if you just trust me...You'll still have a good time and see what you wanna see)
(God - Don't be afraid to tell others of your dreams, who knows, they just might be the ones I have for you)
I tried to get to know each of my students.....
(easier said than done in some cases)

How would he (future husband)fit into my whole life, and how would I fit into his? I needed to consider family gatherings, common ideals, mutual faith, parenting skills, security, social graces, and character.
It was a crisis of faith such as I had never imagined. Could I still trust God to make beautiful music of my life?
(I can sure try, and I need to!)

the stryker frame....I felt like a pig on a rotisserie
(I cracked up laughing at the sound of that, and then felt bad for doing so)
Was it always going to take all morning to shower, fix my hair, go to the bathroom?
(I could relate! Oh the frustration!)
....God is actively involved in the practical aspects of our lives
Mike was by my side every day
(I could not believe that Mike stuck with her the whole story, wanting to marry anyway,I only pray I find somone like that)
There are some things we are never going to understand this side of heaven. We just have to trust that God loves us and believe that He works all things together for our good. He is not going to waste our pain.
...there is a special awe one feels in a sanctuary.
(Oh don't you know it! I could sit there all day. Why When church is over, I am just getting into it!)
Having difficulty with the days challenges I replied, "Oh, I can't even pray."With her experience, she could easily see I was at the end of my rope, truly depressed. "Okay," she said slowly, ""Let's reduce this to the simplest denominator. Breathe in, say 'Jesus'. Breathe out, say 'mercy'."
(I've gotta remember this one)
I wasn't just remembering some words to some songs; what I was hearing didn't come from my memory. The music came from my soul! It was as though the words bypassed my mind and were being played like a recording to my heart.
(My singing throughout the day...God's communicating with me?)
God was encouraging me to allow the storms of my life...to send me soaring higher than I would have without the storms.
(seeing storms differently -okay God, what are You teaching me through this?)
God was really going to take care of me, in practical ways as well as spiritual ones.

sip and puff
(in relation to my trying the power chair for the first time-LOL!)
three pound weight on her belly to strengthen diaphragm.
(I need to remember this one too, to give me a bit more breath control when I sing)
(I likened her 'halo' experience to my 'body cast' experience-pure misery.)
Dad,...powerless to prevent the accident or to put my body back together.
Hope was gone and the future was dim
(been there, thought that.)
I would always be dependent on someone else taking care of my needs.
(God's dealing with me in this one)
One of the most discouraging realities was the realization that it took a minimum of three hours to get out of the bedroom every morning.
(frustrating for me too! Hoping its no always going to be like this, but....)
....to trust in the Lord and take things one week at a time
( still learning)
There had been a death-the death of life as I had known it.The death of my movement, the death of my career, the death of my wedding, the death of my usefulness, the death of my future hope and dreams and plans, the death of my body.
(I am praying, and waiting, to see what God brings back to life, or gives me in place of )
Later I realized it was necessary to go to that place of mourning so that I could release the grief and start the healing process.
....being content with the way life is now, but it seems like the battle is more intense on holidays and special occasions.
(another lesson to be learned).
I started to worry about how his family would receive me, and and what they must think of me as a potential wife for their wonderful son.

(Oh how I cried through chapter nine)
My paralysis was robbing me of the joy of feeling like I would be a welcome addition to the Bondi family if Mike and I went forward with our wedding plans.
mike -.....I don't need a child to be complete. I love you just like you are, wheelchair and all.
teal brides maids dresses. More flattering in the front than the back due to the wheelchair (coordinate with the color of MY wheelchair)
it was another realization of how interested God is in the details of our lives
(God IS interested)
We came to understand that intimacy is not sex....but holding, loving, listening, caressing...about being loved and giving love in return.

I can't allow myself to get sidetracked by 'what could have been', nor can I spin my wheels wondering what's down the road for me.
I can trust Him to make beautiful music of my life again.
(Yet another lesson still...)

Song - Be Not Afraid
I go before you always
Come follow Me
And I will give you rest
If you pass through raging waters
in the sea, you shall not drown
If you walk amid the burning flames ,
you shall not be harmed
If you stand before the power of hell
and death is at your side
know that I am with you through it all

Mike - romping and playing with our nieces and nephews
Just like one of them, and they adore him. He loves children, is energized by them, and gets just as wound up as they do.
I went back and forth like a ping pong ball between these two questions. being patient and quiet until I began to feel a peace when the pendulum was at yes, and an anxiety when it was at no.
If it was God's will for us...He would equip us with the tools we needed.... We simply left it in God's hands.
Life could be complete from a wheelchair.
It was a different kind of okay than what we had chosen, but none the less, we were okay.

Sometimes ghosts of our past just won't die.

We had walked on the edge of defeat and despair, and now we were beginning to dance on it.

13-baby

peace that passes all understanding
surrender
a new year, always symbolic of a new beginning

powerchair troubles - no thanks to the airlines
Catholicism -confusion on both sides, whether it be from misinformation, lack of awareness of eachother's beliefs, or just plain predjudice.
Carholicism, Protestantism ...both believe and teach that salvation is through Jesus and Him alone. Any person....who has accepted the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ for his sins is Christian.
When we're drowning, God sends a lifeboat, when we're without direction, He sends a compass.....in the form of a person-someone who has been where we are and has made it safely ashore.

I thought it interesting that throughout the book, Renee Bondi seems to struggle with an idea that Mike could leave her for a woman who is not in her situation. From the beginning, Mike has stuck with her, and has no intentions of ever leaving Renee's side.
...I have been criticized by other Catholics for not being Catholic enough.
...if I start talking about my Catholicism from the stage, I am pointing the audience to a denomination when what I really want to do is point them to Christ.
Corri ten Boom - "when you are praised or receive a special compliment, hold it in your heart like a flower. When you gather enough flowers to make a bouquet, offer it up to God, because He is the one who really deserves it.
Disabled? Severely. Discouraged? Sometimes. Defeated? Never. Victorious? Absolutely! Why? Because my God is an incredible God who knew just how to make beautiful music of my broken life.

What is hardest for you mentally about being paralyzed? Being dependent. Giving up the luxury of aloneness. Privacy.
What mistakes to people commonly make around you?
Her aid, Deborah, on a roadtrip. Ticket agent approached and asked D "how would she like to get on the plane?" Renee answered the question anyway. (I know the feeling!)
What would you do if your body worked normally for just one day?
Run and spin like Maria von Trapp on that mountain. And undoubtedly, I am going to approach the throne of grace and respectfully inquire, "What .....was that all about down there?"
Would you go back and undo the accident if you could?
Undoubtedly yes, but I have learned so much about God by being in this wheelchair. Maybe my wheelchair is my brick. It slows me down so "that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings". Phil 3:10

Now I see that the whole experience was the key to my future.
There is not a dubt in my mind that before the foundations of the world, God picked (him)for me. God protected me from marrying someone who would not have been as perfect for me in my situation...
God can do good things with your life.
(telling this to myself on a daily basis)
Trust that God has a way of blessing that is far better than your way.(....trust God with your whole life....with your deepest dreams and desires.

Joni and Friends Family Retreat

2008-08-01T14:57:00.000-07:00

A few months ago an opportunity was presented in our Chi Alpha Missions minute. It happened to be Joni and Friends family retreats. I still can't get over the fact that I sat and wept through the entire presentation. But it seemed to me that I was meant to go. My mother and I were planning to attend the Annual 2008Spina bifida conference in Arizona. When the opportunity arose for attending Joni and Friends, mom suggested we go ahead and register for the retreat instead. After all, I hadn't had a vacation in a while it seemed.
We started making preparations for the retreat. In the meantime, time wasn't moving fast enough. As time passed, we hit snaffu's here and there. It wasn't very accessible. My parents went to the retreat site as it was only an hours drive from home. Not a problem. We could get around the accessibility issues. There were a few activities that I couldnt do, but we'd make do. In fact, there was plenty for me to do, so the ones I couldnt were not much of a big deal to me. Then, it was decided that since we were first timers at JAF we should go as campers. That's okay, I was still going with the same mindset; ministering to those around me. A short time later and the two women I was going with (besides mom) didn't get paperwork and finances finalized in time. She had sent them in way before I sent mine, however, they didnt receive hers before spaces were filled. Somehow they had received mine within plenty of time. Apparently I was meant to go.
The theme for the retreat this year was "Let's Do It!", a parody off of Philippians 4:13. It just happens to be my favorite verse of the entire bible!!! Another indication I was to be there? I think so. All this just a cawinkydink? I think NOT!

HIGHLGHTS FROM NOTES TAKEN
When I left for the retreat I thought I would regret bringing only one notebook tablet with me, I fully expected to come away with a lot more than I did. It was startling to me that I only came home with maybe less than three pages. Check out my Flickr page as I took tons of pictures.

7-24-08
This year Ichose to attend the Young Adult program (led by Marty and Veronica), even though I would probably be the oldest adult in the group besides the leaders. I was right. Bu I didn't mind. I thought the adult group would be talking abotu things that really didnt pertain to me at this point in my life.

HIGHLIGHTS FROM NOTES
He restores my soul - He gets me breathing again
In Jesus, every day is Christmas

The night session really did something for me. The first day and a half I wasn't into the retreat all that much. The activities in the YA group seemed a bit young to me and not much was speaking to me from either the speaker for the adults (which we got to hear part of before going to the YA group) Or the YA speakers. I was really hoping Joni would make an appearance sometime within the week, but that never happened. Although from what I heard, it has happened in times past. However, someone just as great (after all, this was Joni and Friends), who but Renee Bondi. She came, sang, gave her testimony, and story as to how she ended up as a quadriplegic due to falling out of bed. This was my favorite night I think. I even blew most of my cash with buying four of her CD's and her autobiography. My mother bought her book and finished it by the time we left the retreat, WOW! I'm only six chapters into it.

Okay, so I know i put highlights from notes up above, but The stuff Renee shared I just had to take notes as well.
-song "Be Not Afraid" really hit home for me. I've been fretting over what God has (or doesn't have) regarding my future
little ditty I'm sur eshe worte for this years theme -"Eyes, mouth, heart, hands, our construction zone (sung to row row row your boat)
*one pound ankle weights on her tummy as she breathes, to strengthen her abs for better breath control (pure genius!)
song from Phil 1:
-He who began a good work in you......
SOS - Sanctify, Organize, Surrender
Phil 4:8 - ...think on such things
(okay, I have to put this in here somewhere..., but as we were clapping for one of her songs, one camper shouts out "Jesus is the winner man!") RIGHT ON DUDE!!!
Thinking of my chair as my friend
changing heart, changing attitude
Lord, I surrender_________
Phillippians 4:7 transcends (goes through)
Give your frustrations to Jesus
song - Philippians 4:13
I CAN learn to be content
God will deliver me (Jesus, your my firm foundation)

Funny thing is, after this night, the rest of the retreat was amazing to me.

7-25-08
If I didnt have my disability, I probably wouldn't have Jesus
Phil. 4:6
Phil 4:12 - Contentment
1 Thess. 5:18 - God, change my heart about___________
Peter walking on water - Keep your eyes on Jesus
JOY - Jesus, Others, You

In the Young adult group, we got into small groups and had a discussion about our time today. What the topic was i suddenly blanked, but I know whatever we shared, Veronica wrote out a verse on a piece of paper, each one getting something different. I mentioned something about being uncertain about my future. She gives me Jeremiah 29:11 and Mathew 6:33 amazing to me!!!
Went on a balloon ride today. This was a ministry idea that a gentleman had. Pretty cool. All we did really was go up and then sit a while, and then come back down.But I think it was the height thing that really got the children excited. My mother did not go up. She stayed down and took at least twenty pictures of me being in there. I really wish now that I would have gotten pictures of what it was like from the balloon.
Alehe almost jumped in the lake several times. I learned you cannot let Alehe off leash around water, she'll make a bee-line for it! Another cute thing about Alehe was that at least five families took our picture while we were there. I beieve it was the first time a servicedog was at Joni and Friends.

After a day or two, Dalinda made the okay for me to be STM for next year! My mother and I theorized that it would be best for me to be teamed up with a more ambulatory individual. It turns out, there was a young girl with Down's Syndrome who absolutely adored Alehe, and had a fascination with people in wheelchairs. What a great way to reach her and her family. Her parents are great people, and really want me as their STM for their daughters sake.

I am already excited!!! How many days do I have left? 360.....-ish?

7-26-08
2Cor 1:3-7
Psalm139

Sermon on the Mount
Mat. 5:6-7
Wise man building his house on the Rock
( I thought of the dreams i have for the future and people's and situations attempts at destroying them.
Jesus is the foundation
Foundation work is s-l-o-w work
(Bible readiing, tithing, prayer, etc.)
The foolish man builds quickly and with shortcuts

CHECK OUT MY FLICKR PAGE TO SEE PHOTOS WE TOOK OF OUR TIME AT JONI AND FRIENDS.

Powerchair Demo II :Sweet Ride

2008-06-29T20:10:00.000-07:00

The TDX SR

This one is sweet! I have watched this video now at least five times! Check it out here
This is the chair that I am trying out now. My favorite over the previous powerchair that I was able to demo for a few weeks and even over another one I am possibly going to demo (that I tried out for a day) in another few weeks. I can't raise this one to reach the high shelves but I would be able to get around more places with this one than say a manual chair or other powerchair perhaps.

Hospital Volunteer

2008-06-17T13:15:00.000-07:00

So as of today I am officially a Community Hospital volunteer. It was rather interesting how it all got started. A few months ago I went to a career fair at the Hilton Hotel in downtown Missoula. Before the fair, I went to the mt.gov site to research all of the different places that were going to be there. I found nothing of interest as far as paid positions go, however, something (I am convinced it was a God thing) made me click on Community Hospital. Low and behold, the one thing I find there is for pet therapy. "Why, we can do that!"
While at the career fair, I came across the Community Hospital booth and spoke with a representative. "Why, we'd love to have You!" was the response I got. I was given a business card of the woman I was to cantact, the head of volunteer services.
To bring Alehe to the hospital and be just in the day room would have been no problem. But I thought it would be more special for the patients if we visited them in their rooms. To do that I would have to go through certification training for therapy dogs - liability reasons.
I was tired of sitting around and not finding things to do NOW, I just wanted something to happen. The training wasnt for another month or so. Between CCI, CMC and the therapy dog place, figured out that we are covered undedr CCI's liability insurance. Everything was a go.
I showed up at Community Medical Center at eleven a.m. to "shadow" or go along with another therapy dog team to see what it's all about. Visited Rehab patients for about an hour. One older gentleman reminded me of sitting with my grandpa as a kid listening to his stories of his younger days. As I sat there and listened, a voice in my head was telling me what good I was doign just sitting and litening to them talk.
At times. Alehe would just sit and wtch the other dog while he interacted with teh patients while sitting in their beds or a wheelchair. She didn't seem too sure of herself, but then again this was a new experience for her. I really tried to encourage/coax her to interact with the patients. The woman I was with told me that as she watches the other dog, and the more she does this, the easier it will become for her. Meanwhile I was to keep encouraging her, praising her. A good learning experience for the both of us.
I was issued an ID badge with my picture, my name, and Community Medical Center - just like the ones that the doctors and nurses wear. I feel so important! I don't think I took that thing off all day. Even until I went to bed last night! LOL!!!

Boy was I exhausted!

"Hey Mom, I found a Cheap Way to Remodel the House!"

2008-06-13T17:41:00.000-07:00

",...just stick me in a powerchair!"

This is one of the first comments I made to my mother when we talked on the phone shortly after deciding to give a powerchair a try.

A year and a half ago, it was decided that it was time to do something about the way I sat in my current wheelchair. Primarily for the adema (swelling) in my legs, which started shortly after I broke my left leg while making my bed. But even so for the amount of time I spend sitting in the chair

Referalls were made to an occupational therapist that could help me with the seating system in my current wheelchair. We first tried a "foam in place", which is conformed to the shape of my back. It was just okay, not great. A few weeks and we decided it was best for me to go to Colorado where they have a center that spoecializes in the Aspen Seating System, a lot like the foam in place but should work much better. It would be conformed to the shape of my back when I sit in my chair and thus be more comfortable. the problem was fighting with Medicaid to get them to cover me for the flight AND the Aspen seting. It took THREE times to get Medicaid (my insurance) to cover it, and then finally when we get it covered...they come out with the system here in Montana. What timing! No more having to fly to Colorado (rats, Mom and I wanted a vacation!)

The seating system was easy to do, but prety messy. It consisted of tiny foam beads placed in a large (and I mean LARGE) sealed bag, then all the air sucked out of it by some machine while it is positioned behind my back. The air coming out would force the beads to stick together and conform to the shape of my back. the first time was a bit messy as something had punctured a hole in the bag which resulted in foam beads all over the livinroom floor. Break out the vacuum cleaner!

This seating system was all fine and dandy, however, when they tilted me back it fit by back perfectly. Now when I am seated in the manual chair, I don't touch it.

We had also discussed my using a powerchair. An option we discussed on the powerchair is I could raise the feet so that they are somewhat elevated, and I could tilt back at an angle and releive pressure off my backside (less possibiity of me getting pressure sores as I sit in my w/chair all day). The first few times I tilted the wheelchair back, my survival instincts kicked in. I felt as though I was going to tip OVER backwards, so I wanted to counterbalance. but I was assured this could not happen. Now it is easy to let myself relax.

Here are pros and cons that I came up with regardign myh usign a power chair

Pros
The model I will have will have the option of raising my feet to aleviate the adema problem
I will also be able to tilt and releive the pressure off my bum no No more excuse to being too tired o go anywhere. I an get ou of hte house even if I don't fell like it
I can carry things in one hand and still maneuver
Teh model I will have (as I have decided from the demo will have an option for me to raise the seat so that I can reach some high places (no more leaving dishes on the counter for others to put away
Mom reminded me that I will be able to use the stovetop! Whohoo! more meal options for myself!!! (I'm tired of the microwave.
I can even put stuff in the crockpot
No one pushing my wheelchair without asking
I no longer can make the excuse "I'm too tired" when I have an option of doing something.

Cons
I wouldnt be able to play tennis if I used a poerchair fulltime
I wouldnt be able to venture downstairs if I wanted to
If the battery dies...I'm stuck
No more Alehe pulling my chair for me, just one of the biggest reasons for having her. And I have a feeling she really enjoys the work
Riding in other peoples cars if the need arises would be impossible, unless they came up with a lighter more compact model. Haha, yeah right. Like that's ever possible.
The size of my house

I say this last one because of the minor damage I have done, primarily to the doorways in my bedroom and bathroom. Both have gigantic scrapes where I rubbed part of the chair against the doors. The doorframe to my bathroom even has two very tiny holes where I ran the footplate into the wood. My knees even have bruises where I ran into the kitchen table a few times.

Using the powerchair outdoors is rather interesting. For the first week, indoors or outdoors I would not go faster than the first of five speeds this chair can go. By the third or fourth week, I was cranking the baby ALL THE WAY!!! Well, that was until i came near sailing off hte edge of a curb when on the sidewalk. I even managed to get myself swallowed by a group of bushes near the University campus. I'm glad no one was around to witness THAT now!

At the beginning when we were first inquiring about the powerchair thing, someone made the mistake of calling it an electric chair. My OT immediately shot back, "It's NOT an electric chair, it's a POWER chair. Electric chairs KILL people!" Now anytime I hear electric chair...I correct them with the same comment.

Poor Alehe doesn't know what to think. The first few days and I think I got her foot twice. Now she walks a little farther away than she used to. I'm surprised I haven't strangled her with the leash yet, as I have at times gone a bit faster than she can keep up, oops.

The other day I went to Norco where I was to demo two other powerchairs. I managed to wheel on the grass quite well, something i was earlier afraid to do (ever since breaking my leg when falling out of my chair, I havent been as brave about things). One chair I tried was a beautiful deep blue (blue being my favorite color) and yet another was a forest green (another cool color).

I'll try and get pictures of me in either chair up on flickr sometime.

In the meantime, anyone wanna challenge me to a race?!?!?!?!
Haha, just kidding!

Girl Bonding

2008-05-21T20:58:00.000-07:00

Ohiodawa and I had a random hang-out session last night. She was agoign to makes something for dinner for the both of us, but I beat her to my part becaus I was hungry early, and when my stomach is hungry, it's rarely patient. Good ol' microwave.

I saw something sitting on the table and was curious as to what it was. Upside-down it looked like an old fashioned cellphone- big and klunky. I turned it over and read on the front "Pass the Pigs". Ohiodawa proceeded to explain the game to me and then got me into playing a few rounds with her. The rules were insane, or should I say the person who made them up is insane. Something about 'Pig-outs (no score), snouter, piggy-backs, and who knows what else. It turned out to be fun, as it reminded me a lot of how my dads side of hte family plays a dice game called "Chicken". With PP though, the dice are tiny, and shaped like pigs. I think I managed to win a round or two. I kept telling myself "Okay, one more roll than I am sticking with what I got". Ha, yeah right!" I just love to push my luck I guess. To see how the game works, go here

After a rousing game of Pass the pigs, we sat down to watch a t.v. show called Jon and Kate Plus Eight. I found a great way for me to somewhat satisfy my kid fix. This show chronicles the adventures of a family of multiples. In this case, this family has a set of twins plus sextuplets. The show basically chronicles their adventures as a family.

There are so many t.v. shows I never watched until moving into this house! - American Idol, Scrubs, Grey's Anatomy, So You Think You can Dance, America's Next Top Model, Law and Order, CSI, Top Chef, Hells Kitchen, and another fashion/design show I can't think of the name. There are a slew of other shows I am sure.

During the JKPE marathon, someone decides to break out the Fuzzy Navels she has in her section of the fridge. She offered to share one and I oblidged. We were the only ones home, and would be for a while yet, otherwise it wouldnt have happened. I thought the only alcoholic beverage I like is red wine. But oh wait, now that I think about it there was a wine cooler (just okay, not great) a few months ago. Wine, I sleep just fine (that's the reason I like it)however after the FN, I had a night of numerous strange dreams. I can't even rememer them now. Guess I won't be doing those again anytime soon.

Ahh, the memories.

Stoked!

2008-05-10T17:04:00.000-07:00

Last year a friend of mine from Chi Alpha told me about a short term missions opportunity that she was going to do. She then tried to persuade me to do it myself. However, at the time, I didn't think there was a way for me to do it. Finances, things going on with my disability. I really didnt give it much thought. And so we just said...maybe next year.
Well, next year came around and more of the same. My mother and I were even thinking about checking out a spina bifida conference in Arizona. But then Chi Alpha came a few days later, low and behold our Missions Minute just happened to highlight Joni Earikson-Tada's Family Camp. When a video was shown about it, I wept through the entire thing. I think God was trying to tell me something. So at the break in Chi Alpha, I had to get more info. I really felt like this was something I was supposed to do.
I decided I would pray about it for a couple of days before mentioning it. My friend and her mom are going, so we thought it would be cool if we went mother/daugher style. My dad might be talked into going too. But speaking of praying about it beforehand, I think it was only three days before I brought it up that mom and I should do this instead. Besides, I found out later it was only an hour from where my parents live. It didn't take any convincing on my part at all. They thought it would be a great vacation as I haven't had one in a while. Only, I have a strange feeling it could turn into so much more.
So much more because of all the short term missions/ spring break XA trips I took while still a student. So much more because finding and keeping a job has been difficult, if not impossible. So much more because the past year or so has been phyically and emotionally trying. So much more because in seven days time I have had as many people tell me in so many words that they felt God is up to something.
In the meantime, since I had made the decision that I wanted to go, I have been praying almost daily for differnt aspects relating to the camp. Specifically for one instance in which we will be placed with a family and get to do all the different activities with for the duration of the five-day camp (us STM's go a day early for training). Just this morning as I was getting dressed God brought to mind a way to interact and connect by asking their sibling what it was like to have a sibling with a disability - since I have a brother who does not.
I will kill myself if I forget to bring a camera. You can bet there will be plenty of bloggiing about the trip afterwards. My friend and I are getting together tomorrow after church to talk about it.

New Computer

2008-05-03T18:06:00.000-07:00

So my poor desktop was really ill, so says one of the members of the G33Ksquad @ Bestbuy. I've known that for a while now. My dilemma - was it cheaper to break down and get it fixed, or to just use my tax refund toward the purchase of a new one.

I loooked online @ Costco and couldn't find anything within my price range. All of them were at least, if not more than $1000. I wish I were made of money, and not dependent upon public assistance. Surprisingly enough, I really thought Costco would be the cheaper of the two. I was wrong. Costco was the more expensive. I was also looking for something at least 17 inch, to accomodate for less than perfect eyesight.

SO, I looked online at Best Buy. And whoa! I had my work cut out for me. They had many brandnames, and A LOT within what I was willing to spend ( oh yeah, mom and dad were splitting the cost). I saw a few computers of different colors. That would have been ccool, but still too much for this meager pocketbook. Halfway through looking, I notice on the side that I could have typed in exactly what I was looking for. But at least doing it this way I could see what was available. I set up a wish list, that way I could come back to potential computers and compare. After deleting so many from the wish list (there was a reason I did it that way, narrow them down) I finally prayed...Lo and Behold! The next one that came up had everything I wanted and a little more at a price I could afford (now where have I heard THAT before. Hmm, sounds like a commercial on t.v.).

Good grief, this things a monster! A lot bigger than the advertisement made it out to be. But it's cool. I spent a few days just becoming familiar with the thing. Then, I reveived a phonecall from the G33kSquad, and they were here within two or three days to help me with set up. I mostly needed help with set up of the internet, since all or most of what I wanted to do required it, loading programs and such.

I am so excited to get my music ripped so that I can put it ALL on my iPod. I started to load it onto my desktop and managed to back up into the cd/dvd drive with my wheelchair. Real smooth, I know. One doesnt really realize how much music one has until she rips it to her computer ( I can bun now too. So I have been sitting here for the past two days doing just that...ripping. Most CD's I havent played in months, and I forgot how good they were.

The greatest part of having a laptop for me is the fact that I can get my feet up when I need to. Shoot, I spent way too much time on the computer as it is. Any of you webcam-ers out there, I can now do video with online conversations. I may have to try out this skype thing to.

Wacky Web Tales (50th Anniversary of MadLibs)

2008-04-17T15:48:00.000-07:00

Pet Show
While I was wagging to the bus after school, I saw a poster announcing that a pet show would be held the next day in Montana. I was so witty! I couldn't wait to enter my pet horse, don Johnson, in the show.
The next morning at the pet show, don Johnson balanced a big doctor on his nose. Then he cheated around three plastic pencils. Suddenly, a big platypus bumped into don Johnson. He shot 7 feet in the air. The judge made a terrible face when he saw what happened, so I didn't think don Johnson would win. Imagine my surprise when he won the number 4 prize! I was happy to have a great horse like don Johnson."0

Ahhh, Madlibs. I remember these when I was a kid. I loved doing these, although I had a hard time with parts of speech back then...still do to some degree. I would do a few at a time, and I would crack up laughing when I read the story that came of it.

Ahh Memories.

Me, Missions?

2008-04-14T14:55:00.000-07:00

God is up to something --- still.

So, lately I haven't been able to find work, volunteer or otherwise. Yes, even HS called to tell me they have plenty of volunteers so there are no openings. It has discouraged me to the point where I wasn't even sure I was supposed to be in Montana any longer.

Surely with all that has happened the past six months, God has to be up to something. I still wish He would tell me! Apparently God gets a kick out of giving us partial details, pure torture!

So it was recently the start of a new semester for UM students. A few weeks into it our XA group announced bible Studies. Ocean's Deep sounded like an excellent one and it was meeting at our house, however, it was at the same time I go to the YMCA to work out. That night, I received an invite to the Misssions bible study from La Roha. Weeks earlier, I had been thinking a lot about an opportunity I could have had had I not moved to Montana. That dream had been haunting me again, and I wasn't sure why. After years in school, I finally felt like Preschool was where I was supposed to be. Could God be leading me in a totally new direction, using the preschool experience to get me to this point? (It was on the radio program or somewnhere I learned that God could take away the very thing He gave me).

I just looked online at volunteer opportunites and ran across one for community Hospital. Singing or visiting patients with an anuimal (in this case, i wold bring Alehe). I'll check more into it on Wednesday as there is a career fair at the Hilton.

In other news, someone came up to me during prayer at Chi Alpha and said she felt like she was to pray for Alehe. Her comment to me was, "You'll have her for a long time".

Interesting

God Moment III: God is up to Something

2008-03-10T14:38:00.000-07:00

It’s been well over a month since I last posted a blog. Wow. With all that has happened, it seems like so much longer.

Looking back now, the proverbial roller coaster started in July, when I was let go from FC. Then the first staph infection hit. I think in the past year all four of us in my immediate family have been hospitalized for something.

Having a horrible time finding another job. I get a myriad of reasons why I am not hired;

JOBS has exhausted all options as far as work in the childcare field. Someone in my internship/job history went so far as to say I was a safety hazard. VR’s next suggestion was to look at secretarial jobs in the school system. Assessment TEN YEARS AGO says I do best with office work. Did I really do eleven years of schooling just to sit in an office? I don’t think so. They gave me the weekend to think about it and then get back to them. That Friday I went to the hospital to treat yet another staph infection. The second time in six months! This time we have no idea where it had gone in, as there was no visible entry wound. Hook me up to IV antibiotics (no PICC Line this time, whoohoo!) and watch the boredom for the next five days. Sick of reading, sick of watching t.v. Meanwhile VR is trying to reach me and we keep missing. Okay, so once I was afraid to pick up the phone because this whole situation is leaving my head spinning and really did not know what to tell people. But when I got out I sucked it up and called, explained why she hadn’t heard from me in almost a week.

VR and JOBS are closing my case (or at least putting it on hold for a few months to see what happens in the volunteer department). Meanwhile I break down crying in our Chi Alpha meeting’s prayer time. God, what ARE You doing?! Quiet times the next day or two really encouraged me.

Matthew 25: 14 - 30
Parable of the Talents
15To one he gave five talents of money, to another two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability.
20The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.' 21"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
2 Chronicles 20
Jehoshaphat Defeats Moab and Ammon
12 … For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you."
15 He said: "Listen, King Jehoshaphat and all who live in Judah and Jerusalem! This is what the LORD says to you: 'Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's.

No sooner than I come home from the hospital the second time and things heat up at the XA Girls’ house.
Suddenly my house is no longer going to be run as it once was. (years ago they were really happy with the way things were going, telling me how much they really liked who was in charge of it). For a few days I didn’t even know if I wanted to be a part of it after that weekend.

Since the job hunt is going nowhere fast, and I am in the meantime going stir crazy because of it, I decided that I would take a different route; volunteering. One of my job prospects was for Easter Seals, and although they would not hire me as paid staff, they still really wanted me, even if it as just as a volunteer. I ‘m looking into that and they call me back a few weeks later. The teacher that I would have worked with had quit. They did not feel comfortable bringing in two newbies at the same time. They still want me, however, I have been put on hold. AUGH!

In the meantime, Since Head Start didn’t think I had enough experience to be hired when I applied, I recently put in a volunteer application and should be hearing from them hopefully soon. I may just give them a call this week myself. It was suggested a while ago that I volunteer at both places, that way I have a better chance at encountering open doors of opportunity should they arise. Now, I would kill to work at HS.

At church a week ago Sunday, our pastor started a series on “When You Don‘t Understand God‘s Plan”. Perfect for the past few weeks I’ve had. I am really into it. At en point in the service is a meet and greet time where we have a few minutes to find people we don’t know and introduce ourselves, talk to people we haven’t seen in a while, and chat over coffee and donuts (for me its tea and donuts). I talked with a woman whom always finds Alehe and I to see how we’re doing. I told her briefly of my situation and we prayed together. It was her comment to me after wards that really struck me. “God is up to something”. I had been trying to believe that because of all that was going on, God had to be doing something. Even if it was just drawing me closer to Him.

S.A.L.T. 2008

2008-01-15T12:37:00.000-08:00

Another retreat I wasnt going to go on at first, finances as usual, that turned out to be... just what the Dr. ordered!

Ah yeah, I had already told my roomie/aide I was not going to go, so she had a plan to go home to visit family that weekend. What I forgot to mention was that a few weeks later, I got money for birthday and Christmas, and so changed my mind (why does this scenario suddenly sound oh so so familiar?) Needless to say she waws pretty peeved. But at the end she was really glad she had gone. It had been a few years since her last SALT retreat.

Our speaker for the week was John Fischer, who also happens to manage the website for Rick Warren and Purpose Driven Life Ministries. John also has his own website and you can visit that here.

Tbhe fist two days were just okay to me. I actually questioned what I was doing at the conference. Maybe I wasn't meant to come. However, I did have a few comments strike me.
"The more you get to knwo Him, the more you need Him"
Isn't that the truth?
"We minister best out of our own need. It provides me a ministry to others."
Wow, did I chew on this for a while. I could see how this was so true.

I got the most out of the last two days of the conference. Oh dont get me wrong, the entire conference was great, but the last two days are what God used the most.

It was Thursday night, and earlier in the week, there was talk of a worship night. I was excited. God had an incredible night in store for me and I had no idea.
When I wheeled into the room where our main meetings were held, I noticed it was set up a bit different. What I saw first were two tables set together with candles all over and large river rocks neaer each candle. Scriptrue verses printed off the computer were scattered on the tables. I read a few before we were instructed to sit toward the fromt where chairs were set. We were told that there were various worship 'stations' set up around the room and we could check them out at any point in the evenings service. Our very own worship band played for most of the evening.

After many worship songs, I decide to go to the back of the room and read through the verses on tables. Each verse had the word 'rock'. I decide to write down the verses and starred the ones that really spoke to me.

Isaiah 26:4 - Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal
Psalm 19:14 - (I have made this my prayer) May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.
1Cor 10:4 - and drank the same spiritual drink; for they drank from the spiritual rock that accompanied them, and that rock was Christ.
Deut 32:4 -He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.
1Sam 2:2 - "There is no one holy like the LORD; there is no one besides you; there is no Rock like our God.
2Sm 22:2 - He said: "The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
Josh 4:21 - 24 -He said to the Israelites, "In the future when your descendants ask their fathers, 'What do these stones mean?' 22 tell them, 'Israel crossed the Jordan on dry ground.' 23 For the LORD your God dried up the Jordan before you until you had crossed over. The LORD your God did to the Jordan just what he had done to the Red Sea when he dried it up before us until we had crossed over. 24 He did this so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the LORD is powerful and so that you might always fear the LORD your God."

Earlier in the week I had been to a seminar where at the very end, our speaker had given a prophetic word to a few in the room. I was slightly dissappointed that one of these people were mot me. However, at the worship night later, God royally blessed me with not one but three people encouraging me with a word and a fourth person praying for me. Here is just a snippet of what was said (that I could remember anyway).

God never forgets about His people
He has great things in store for you
God gets excited to hear your voice in the morning
He is closer than you think
Confidence and fulfillment in Him
God - "Don't give up on your dreams".
"Faith as a mustard seen can still move mountains

Another person came to the front and gave a word to the entire crowd
"God never blessed anyone who gave up".
(I was close to giving up on my dreams for the future as I thought they should have happened by now.)

When I finally felt like I was able to leave, I was so fillled up in the Holy Spirit, I couldn't wheel out of there in a straight line!!!

Throughout the week, God further touched my heart with verses from various songs we sing in church, songs I have been singing for years that spoke differently this week

From 'Blessed be the Name of the Lord' -You give and take away
From 'Amazing Grace' -Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
Oh great light, my Hope and my Salvation
'Draw me Close to You' -Lay it all down again
'God of Jacob' -Let us not lift our souls to another

who knows now how many times I have been to MSU's XA pastors seminar on the Baptism in the Holy Spirit. You would think I would have it all down by now, but each year I get something new from it.
"Jesus speaks a lot more than we give Him credit for."
And sometimes I dotn take enough time to just sit back and listen. There always seems to be something I'm forgetting to do.
"Walking by the Spirit is something that is beyond human logic."
excercising my prayer language I always fear as though I am just making it up (didnt we cover fear being a sin?)
I AM AN ATOMIC BOMB to the DEMONIC
Obedience = Taking a Risk

Tongues
not our of our intellect but Gods
unknown to me but not God

Friday night was the final time we were to be together as Saturday morning we were to pack up and go back home. God had one final thing to reveal to me before I went back home. in our speakers message, he touched on Chi Alpha's mission -Reconciling students to Christ transforming the Uniniversity, the Marketplace and the World. He went on to give examples of those in teh University (professors, and the like) the Marketplace (doctors, lawyers, teachers...)
When he said teachers, I about fell out of my chair, sobbing because I finally understood that this was definately where God was calling me. And then he said one more thing, "You don't have to feel guilty about not being called overseas".
I would go overseas in a heartbeat if I knew for sure thats where God was calling me. I think it would be interesting to see how people outside of my world live. Especially those who share the same issues I do with disability. It was hard enough going 23 hours to Texas in a little car a few summers ago, and I can hardly stand a few hours on a place from here to San Diego. I can't imaging myself sitting in an airplane for an entire day.

Here it is, weeks after the retreat and still excited about what God did those four days. No longer do I have such an uncertainty about my future, but look forward to it with much greater anticipation. I am excited to see what God does with my dreams.

XA Devo

2008-01-05T09:38:00.000-08:00

So this post is extremely late. So many things to do...so little time.

XA 20 ‘til - My Journey Thru College
12-4-07
For weeks I have been thinking of what to share.
Feeling like I should somehow relate it to college
“What can I encourage students with? Especially now that I am no longer a student.
Relying on God to give me the words His saying “wait “
Forgot about it for a week
Megan calls me -”Oh Crap!”
Just like me doing things the night before their due! (some things never change!!!).
2 hours working on a topic-I thought I had it…three times
Boy has this been a lesson in and of itself.
(Okay God, you said wait…and now look where its got me!”)
Finally go excited at this idea - Thank You Jesus!
I think I now know why I had a headache for a week (I laughed when the thought occurred to me) God is good.

Show of hands - first year, last year
11 years and two degrees later!

Charles Kingsley - Have thy tools ready, God will find thee work

A quote I have on my mouse pad. This quote both got me through college, and is getting me through the finding of a job

My journey thru college and now trying to find a job
“Your not cut out for college” VR and DSS
Discouraged from attending UM
Major in Business Management with a minor in Music
Changing majors God knows how many times!
Pulling out for almost two years for health reasons.

All things work together - Romans 8:28
I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord - Jeremiah 29:11
Coming home from a retreat - God “Don’t be afraid to dream”

Facing discouragement
Bridges
Excuses - not enough experience
kids allergic to dogs or afraid of dogs

FORT COURAGE experience.
God - tell me what you desire in a job. See what I can do”.