Roller Coaster Ride of Life

So I cried myself to sleep one night, totally and completely overwhelmed with some events of the past few weeks. I am involved in the Bridges Program at Community Hospital. It provides various services for people with disabiltites and other issues. Me, I am doing physical and occupational therapy, counseling, and neuro-psych testing. Parts of it I am not even sure what for exactly. Some of it has been good. I am going to see an orthopedic doctor about the spina bifida which seems to be worsening. And at one point I brought up to someone that I used to ride horses and miss it, they are looking into a program for me here in Missoula. :D (BIG cheesy grin!)
It was this one particular day that I cried myself to leep that night that really got me. I thought this program was to help give more independence to those who needed it, and I feel like in a way they are trying to strip it from me. They want me using a sliding board (HA! Like I have the patience for that!) for when I transfer in an out of bed.
They want me to go agency based when it comes to my PCA's. I flat out will not do that, I have been self-direct for the seven years I have lived in Missoula. I hire people whom I know and trust. Besides, the two aides I hired outside of whom I know were disasters. One never bothered to show up and the other moved back to Kalispel threee weeks later. I hired a woman through a friend and it has been awesome having her around. She is a believer which really makes it nice.
A few days ago they tried ot get me to go agency based, I have just hired an aide I am really happy with and who understands my level of independence and how much I want to keep it. The only way I would do agency-based is if she wuold sign up through one of them and still work with me. To her understandng, they are trying to get me into residential care and to terminate what rights my parents have over me. My parents are thrilled that I am in the living situation I am. They want to see me independent. I am thrilled with my living situation.

Well then, just today they told me it was all a mistake...that they didn't realize just how independent I was; living in a house with roomies to help me, riding the bus to and from places, working out at a gym, going to church and other related functions. Okey-dokey, NOW we're on the same page. Whew! I can breathe.