It's A Rollercoaster Ride of Life......and it's all so surreal

I am moving back to Montana after leaving for three years. It all seems so surreal. "Nobody pinch me, I don't want to wake up!" (It's been a deram of mine for as long as I can rememeber to live in horse country, with other animals)

I haven't been able to secure employment. Gastro-intestinal migraines get in the way, excuses about my having a servicedog also leave me discouraged. Qualifications too! Believing He has anything for me is difficult, I sit here ......wondering.

Nothing about being back in So. Cal. makes any sense. I can't even find work here, all for the same reasons. My best friend and I aren't even as close as we used to be. Fifteen years has taken it's toll.

Then one day my dad decides that he wants to move back to Montana. THAT didn't even make any sense to me (as excited as I was about the prospect). "We'll probably be back in two or three years", was my thinking. I just want to feel planted somewhere. I am getting to the point that moving is become very old. I am done! All my friends are scattered across the U.S. As I type this, dad is in Montana looking at property. He's found a few places that look promising.

This past Sunday mom and I were in adult Sundayschool. It was a guest speaker who came and gave a message, and sharing about his missionary endeavors (to where, I now forget). It was powerful! Both mom and I were feeling confirmation about this move to Montana. The fact that we were both feeling it made it all that more exciting, more real! "That's What Faith Can Do' by Kutless plays on the radio as I type this. Haha, and now, "My Hope Is In You", by Aaron Shust. I just looked at the sermon archives for our church, the past Sunday's sermon ~ 'Hearing the Voice of God'. I will have to listen later.

But back to Sundayschool....... ~
"Being Friends with God"

*Hebrews 11:8-11
John 15:13-16

Hebrews 11 `faith of Abraham'
John 15....greater love hath no man than this, that he lay downb his life for his friends.

Abrahams actions
He obeyed (vs. 8)
He enaabled (vs. 11)
He trusted (vs 17)

His thought process (Faith)
*He looked forward (vs. 10)
He considered God's faithfulness (vs. 11)
*He reasoned that God could (vs. 19)

Obedience based of faith
no leap in the dark
Romans 10:17
Abraham heard God's messsage
Genesis 12:1.7,8,
13:3
Ch.'s 14, 15, 17, 18, 19, 20
*** God's Communication: Faith = Relationship
Not DOING but BEING
James 2:23
God saves through His provision
*****Faith ~ Personal application of God's provision to my heart
Obedience ~ loving response
= TRUE RELATIONSHIP

JOHN 15
vs. 1-9 Branches (fruitfulness)
9-17 Fellowship
18-27 Faithful

branches - purpose
friends - priveledge

John 15:13-15
Jesus calls us to be His friend
I am not His 'slave' but His 'friend'.
Angels - servants
WE are his friends

***Genesis 18:17
confidence regarding God's plan
servant - what
friend - why

Psalm 25:14
relationship

Psalm 103:7
servants, yes
friends, yes

John 13, 14
comforter, Holy Spirit

Luke 11:5-8
Prayer = fellowship with God
??? Am I available to Him when He calls ???

Friend = priveledge

Ephesians 3:17-19
God is at home in your hearts as you trust Him
His power working in us





"Saddle up Your Horses....We've got a trail to blaze......" ~SCC (email from friend Patti Allen.

Be Still (*sigh*)

"Be still and know that I am God"
~Psalm 46:10

ANOTHER appointment with my neuro-surgeon on Monday. Hmph! Not like it's going to reveal anything (please excuse my cynicism).

Headaches, nausea, vomiting. This is what I have dealt with since early teens. Surgery, medications, different pillows, c-pap, elevating the head of the bed. I've tried it. Sure, it works for a little while. Short term solutions.
Over the years I've been steadily losing hope the doctors will ever find a permanent solution.

Upon reading the above verse, a still small voice inside of me promted me to do a search on the phrase "be still"
Exodus 14:14
The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

Mark 4:39
He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.

Lord, calm this storm inside!

Psalm 83:1 (NKJV)
[ A Song. A Psalm of Asaph. ] Do not keep silent, O God!Do not hold Your peace, And do not be still, O God!
(All I seem to be getting from Him on this particular situation, silence. Lord, what is the lesson here?)



TODAY's DEVOTIONAL
"Be Still" I hear Him softly say
"Be still, lay all aside" (time out!)
He who made the universe stoops down
and gathers up my cares
(I am definately weary.....more like, DONE! Eleven years of college, it oud be nice to use it. To not depend so much on SSI.
"Be still" He chides again
His work begins within my weary soul
"Be patient. In quiet stay.
Listen to me" (Lord, I am listening!....or am I?)

Though pressed on every side
I clear my heart and mind
In timid voice and heart
I lift to Him my praise

How quiet His presence
How healing His words
In hushed awe, I listen
I savor each one

My will He bends (RA's Take My Will)
My heart He sweeps clean
My strength He renews My soul He fills to overflowing (PROMISE)

He teaches through His Word
I heed what He tells me
I stand and give Him praise
Together we go forth to serve

New Condo!

One week before this past Thanksgiving I was blessed to be able to move into a condominium (=thanks to my aunt and my parents =). We had been looking since it was decided I was moving back to So. Cal., and whilst unfortunately I did not find one in the same complex as my best friend (:'() (believe me, I tried), I did manage to find one relatively close.

The Remington (reminds me of a stuffed bear I had as a kid with the same name). I prayed for and low and behold got a tennis court, weightroom and swimming pool/hot tub. (Now if it would just warm up so that I could actually USE the pool! I can see it from my livingroom window, and its beckoning!)

The community college is relatively close to the condo, so we advertised for a PCA through the college. A few people were interviewed and found a young gal that I really liked as a live-in. We get along great, and have had fun together. There is a Denney's down the road and we've gone out to eat a few times. Sometimes just the two of us, or on occasion with her fiance' and his friend (we are a riot!). If for any reason I ever needed a back-up, there is another young gal who lives in the same complex who is willing to help when needed. There is even an RN who lives outside the complex but still close enough she could help out if need be. (thank You Lord!)

It's been great so far, the gal I hired as a live-in is also into horses, has a 2 year-old Jack Russel/Blue Heeler mix (named Miley), and goes to church near-by. Miley and Alehe tolerate eachother. On a very rare occasion you can catch them playing.

Lawn maintenance is going to love me - Ah yes, I have managed to tear up the grass with the powerchair on a few occassions now. I had to call home for assistance in getting me out those times too. It had rained, and the ground was extremely soft because of the rain. I did ge to meet a few of our neighbors, however, it was SO nto the way I wanted to be introduced, having to be rescued from the clutches of a soggy wet/muddy lawn. *SIGH*

Come visit me sometime! (pretty please!?)

Headaches

Why post about this? I don't know exactly. Writing tends to help me sort through thoughts in my head; whether they be thoughts I wanna remember, such as a great experience I just had, or sorting through emotions of a difficult situation. I guess this is the latter.

God, WHY?

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!

I have struggled with headaches/nausea/vomiting for, oh it's gotta be at least off and on twenty years now. It started around the time of Jr. High, give or take a few years. I believe it was just the vomiting at first, and so we saw doctors about my stomach. We then tried countless medications, some working for only a short time before doing nothing, others doing absolutely nothing, still others making me ten times worse. Yikes! The problem just kept getting worse. I believe at one point a doc said something about too much stomach acid. After a swallow test another doc noticed a vein in my neck near my esophagus making swallowing difficult.

I've gone through so many doctors giving one diagnosis after another. One that had me laughing....false pregnancy. ME: "HAHAHAHAHAA! Yeah Right! For NINE YEARS?!"
One doctor suggested it was stress (duh, hello? Did I not mention school (Jr. High, HS, College....disability on top of that?) I went in for a sleep study because it sounded like sleep apnea to one doctor. They first tried a medication that was supposed to put more oxygen through the bloodstream. That one left me with a severe tingly feeling in the left hand, face and lips. Scratch that! (that was rather spooky) I was pulled off of that medication. Enter the evil CPAP machine. Now I know what an elephant feels like! You ever tried one of those awful things? A small mask over the nose that forces air into your sinuses, and if you happen to open your mouth you feel like you are gasping for air! Well, I couldn't keep it on my face for the life of me. Seems after a few weeks, months....I would take it off in the middle of the night and I would not even remember doing it. (Yes, I sleep that hard, just TRY and wake me up! If you suceed.....DUCK and RUN for COVER! lol!!! Just kidding, but it is still not pretty. Just ask my mother)

I have had numerous surgeries to try and aleviate the problem headaches;
Hydrocephalus (water on the brain) and shunt placements, removals, revisions, a repair of a chiari malformation (portion of skull pressing on the brain), clearing of impacted sinuses (impacted with fluid to the point of near rupture), removal of a dermoid tumor (mass of hair, skin and fat from previous surgeries).

The headaches always came back...and with a vengeance!

Muscle relaxers - worked for a short time, as did everything else. I switched medications a few times, finally finding Amitriptylene, a God-send. Or so I thought up until a few weeks ago. Now I am not so sure. Maybe it is working some still, but definately NOT enough! Because of another medication I was taking for a short time, I was cut back to half a tablet becasue the two meds were in the same family and could react. I was nervous about cutting back. But a whole tablet was making me too drowsy, to a point I did not want to wake up in the morning and was tired alllll day.

I was recently switched from Tylenol, which was said to be horrible for my liver, to Ibuprofen. I was taking three Tylenol at a time, sometimes three times a day as two were doing nothing for me (Extra-strength for crying out loud). But doc switched me to Ibuprofen, and that was a bit weird. The first time I took two... I felt good, almost TOO good, lol! It sort of made me nervous. I thought it might have been too much (I just seemed TOO happy, LOL!). Now even two Ibuprofen are not cutting it, and the last time I took them three doses in one day did not help.

One of my doctors in Montana (who is a believer in Christ) said something to me that was a bit settling "it could be a combination of things causing them, therefore it could be a combination of things we try that get rid of them". Still, we have yet to find that combination!

Memory-foam pillow - not the fix I was hoping/praying for but I never sleep without it now!

Some time ago we bought me a bed that allows me to elevate the head and the legs.. Although still not the solution, it seemed to help a little. Though today no matter how high I get my head it makes no difference.

One doctor who operated on me for this problem joked he was going to buy a one-way ticket out of town if he couldnt figure out what was going on with me (he never did either one to my knowledge...but he has since retired).

It's crazy, but the pain is primarily on the right side, though its been known to fluctuate; from temple down back side of head and neck, occasionally entire back side of head, rarely is it both sides of head, but it has happened. Like somebeody kicked me in the head or stabbed me with a knife.

Could it be something up with my stomach that is causing headaches?
Eating? What I eat, when I eat? Time in between dinner and breakfast too far apart? I asked the doctor about my stomach causing headaches and all he said was that it could be possible, nothing more. Hmph!

I have had countless CT scans and MRI's done. Why, the most recent MRI came back negative and I was emotional on the way home. I was frustrated! I just want to be DONE with them! My favoreite phrase "I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!" About this time I remembered RA's song "None Compare' and the line "Can You see me in the valley?" Okay, the first time I heard this song it was right before my move back to California, and it fit a little better.

Is this the thorn in the flesh Paul was talking about? I wonder.
Why do I feel He is being so silent to my pleas for relief?!
I want to work. But who is going to hire someone who cannot get up beore 8am and is feeling miserable every morning? So I search for afternoon programs working with children, or volunteer in classrooms only a few days a week, setting my own time schedule.

Lord, I am done!

Homeless

"I'm the one on the corner, a bottle in my hand. Sayin' 'no one understands the path that led me to losing everything that I held dear'..."

The sign, etched on cardboard in black ink, said one word...."starving"; an older gentleman seated down by the San Diego bay, hair scruffy and white, clothes disheveled and dirty. Some distance more a woman in a power chair (my first thought was "Good grief, where does she charge the battery!?") holding yet another sign, only this time I didn't catch what it said.

How do you respond... By quickly turning your head and walking away thankful you're not one of them? Belittling them (in your mind or to their face) for the situation they put themselves in? Or do you grieve for them, praying to God on their behalf as you quietly walk past?

How DO you pray for them? Knowing you'll most likely never see them again, and wishing that one prayer, your prayer, could change the situation immediately?
DO you wonder what their stories are, what they did before they were homeless? Or how they became homeless in the first place?

I thought of my good friend Richard Andrew and his story. I'll tell you what, after meeting Richard and hearing his testimony...I think differently when I see someone on the street, seeking a helping hand.

Those questions I posed earlier? Before meeting Richard I was the one to
try to avoid eye contact, wondering what it was that put them in that situation. I was afraid to look at them, afraid of offending them somehow, wondering what they would think of me if I did look their way as I just walked past.

Growing up I was told never to give them money as you didn't know what they were really going to do with it, whether it was going to be spent on drugs and alcohol. I was young and so I guess it planted a negative impression in my mind. Until now. I met Richard almost two years ago, and then I watched this . Now that I am once again living in So. Cal. where the homeless population is more evident, I am the one, heart aching, praying that somehow things could change for them.

As I type this I am reminded of college and a spring break missions trip I took to Las Vegas with Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship a couple of years ago. We visited two outreaches for homeless and helped out with serving meals, cleaning, repairs....whatever was needed. I sat there quite unsure of what I was supposed to do as no one really assigned me a task...., quietly asking God what it was I could do. "Just love on them". I talked to a family whom I found out came in once a week for a meal - mom, dad, and nine-year-old daughter. That place was called 'The Upper Room'. The second place we went to that week, 'The Open Door'.

I have worked on this post intermittantly for a couple of hours now, sorting through my thoughts of today (of which I cannot get out of my mind) hanging out with family and then coming back to this post and finishing just before bed; and now as I lay in bed wonder.....where are they now, those two people I saw today? Are they fed, where are they sleeping, are they warm?

"....To the good and the faithful, won't you look on them with My eyes?"

The Rivers Edge........Part 2

'All God's promises are "Yes!" and "Amen!" All God's promises are true'......okay, we didn't exactly sing this song on Sunday, but it is stuck in my head as I type this.
Gods promises, the phrase has been haunting me for quite some time. What are they? What are they for me, specifically? Sunday's sermon just happened to be a confimatoin that God knows whats going on in this big head of mine, and I believe it's just the beginning.

Come into the presence of God with a willing heart, and receive what He has for you that day

Heirs to the Promise

Believe what God says about you and the promises that God has made to you
A promise made gives hope, confidence, an expectation of the fulfillment of that promise in your life
When God makes a prommise, there is nothing in Heaven or on earth that can ever come up that God says He cannot keep that promise. Hope and expectancy God will do what He says He is going to do!
He cannot force you to believe Him
You must first believe that His promises are for you in order to walk in them with hope, confidence, and expectancy
Galatians 3:6-9
Abraham - father of faith, believed God and took God at His word
Even when it did not make sense in the natural, even when it was uncomfortable, and even when it wasn't very popular.
"I'm gonna believe You God".
Genesis 22:15-18
Abraham and Issac
(my leaving Montana for California?)
God - "Give it to me, see what I can do in you". (my dreams for the future)
Sometimes the most valuable things is what's holding us back from the promises of God being released in our lives.
Abraham said 'Yes" to God
trusted God with everything he had

Romans 4:20-21

(obedience)
.....that what He had promised, He was also able to perform
God promised certain events would happen in the future. Abraham simply believed God
hugest obstacles of our life believe God for what He will say and will do
Holy Spirit = Promise keeper, Promise Helper
Gal. 3:16 - To Abraham and his seed (us, the body of Christ) were the pronmises made.
(Abrahamic Promises)
These promises were not in the natural
made to those who would put their trust in Christ
We have the promise of Abraham if we put our trust in Christ
Galatians 3:13-14 (Faith)
Christ came to not only save us fromredeem somethign but to giove us somethign as well
If we were just saved, that is something to rejoice about, if we were just redeemed that is something to get excited about
There are some promises that He has layed out in my life, that if I would just grab hold of those promises and begin to walk in the confidence, hope,and expectancy that He can do what He says He can do in my life......
*** God ~ "Watch how I'll build you to be used in God's kingdom"
Crazy enough to believe God....Do what He says, leave the results up to God
God loves that kind of heart
Galatians 4:1-8
Holy Spirit -Helps me to fulfill all God has called me to do
No limits in my life
Do it His way
view yourself properly
live your life out in that manner, as a child of God
Gal. 4:1
I can get stuck walking and talking like a slave
Living as a child of promise
Grace - Gods sovereign divine abiltiy to get the job done on our behalf when we can't do it
No one can earn the promises
Grace through faith
I have the capability to be righteous, to be holy because of what Christ has done on the cross for me
New Identity in Christ
Do your best, God will do the rest
confidence, hope, expectation
Romans 4:13
8:14-17
Genesis 22
Ephesians 3:6, 20-21
Titus 3:4-7
Hebrews 6:13-14;17-18
God cannot make a promise to His seed that He is not willing, able and capable to fulfill. Belive God, be fully convinced
James 2:5 - poor of this world rich in faith
If God says he is going to do it, He will fulfill it
Believe God
Galatians 22:15-18
Abraham was blessed
The earthly stuff is secondary, not the primary stuff, the primary stuff is tbe spiritual side of posessing the gates of the enemy. this taking ground that which the enemy has stolen, this 'taking back'.
6 to the 22nd power - the multiplication God wants to do in our life, in the spiritual realm
simple obedience to His voice
Have I put limits on God?
Ephesians 3:20-21
Why do we put limits on a limitless God?
Is there any enemy too great for us?
confidence, hope, expectancy we have the promises of God. The gates (authority) of Hell shall not prevail, victory is ours
Matthew 16:18-19
I can hold myself back
The devil is fearful that I might get ahold of this
The devil wants to bring doubt and disbelief
I want to start acting, walking, talking like it
Church is about giving my life away, I don't know what it looks like
(Book of Acts)
confindence, hope, expectancy
If thats the way they did it Lord, than I want it in my life
Amm I feeling defeated, do I keep judging myself at this refrence point of trying to live under the law?
How do I view my Heavenly Father? As a taskmaster, ready to slap your hand at the slightest infraction
I can never measure up, be the Christian God wants me to be, do what he asks me to dolosing the joy of the Lord of your life
Grace of God
God has promises for me to live out, things for me to do
GOd is going to work on my behalf
My reference point, God's work on the cross, his blod shed for me
God calls us to go forward. QUIT GOING BACK!

I was just thinking about RA's tagline on his website. Part of a song he wrote.....~ "Holding back the flood you'll find a rainbow." Hmmmmmm. Now I can't wait to listen. There are messages in this series, I may just have to keep following along online.

Home Recuperating

Anesthesiologist - "Your gonna feel pretty shitty afterward. Now, I can say this because it IS a medical term." My mout drops, in my thirty-some odd years of goign uunder the knife, I don't EVER remember a doctor using that kind of language. I had to laugh!

Before my surgery I refused to allow myself to get nervous. Yes, even after all these years going under the knife still gives me the jitters. Instead, I am singing 'None Compare' as I am being wheeled into the O.R. I guess I was more nervous about afterward...the outcome, and all that it woudl entail once its been done. After surgery - for some strange reason I came out singing 'Wave a Hand".

I came thru surgery with flying colors. Absolutely NO problems wiht my heart like i usually do (stupid tahycardia). But this time it went perfect. Coming home the next day looked prett promising. Friday after surgery I felt on top of the world. Haha, until Saturday afternoon.....my digestive system decided to shut down for a day and a half :( . Talk about bloated UGH! Somebody quick, stick me with a needle, I wanna POP! I don't even wanna eat. Which they say it was better I didnt if I did not feel hungry.

My cousin sends me a text asking how I was doing, and so I tell her what's going on. Her reply to me --- "maybe you need mexican food to get it going again" (We eat a lot of mexican food in this household).
(My reply to her ---"thats gotta be better than the crap they got here!" I wouldnt even touch one of the dinners it looked so bad!!!)
She texts me a reply again and Jim (her husband)says "Order a chimichanga and two rasp. ice teas" LOL! (a little inside joke)

You never get sleep while in the hospital. Why, every two hours the darn nurses came to make sure I turned on my side to avoid the possibility of pressure sores. ( a few times I told them to "leave me alone, I just got comfortable!" Some came in at 5 a.m. to take blood (LAME!) But they like to have the results on the doctors desks before they come into work a few hours later. How are we patients suppoed to heal with lack of sleep anyway?! Hmmmmmm?

I am now home. The first couple of days weren't bad. But this week has been borderline agonizing as the swelling goes down. I have been feelign a lot more pain this week. Trying to stay away from pain meds as the could aggravate the digestive issue I was having earlier. But extra strength Tylenol seems to be doing the trick just fine :D

In the meantime, I am sick of watching t.v., sick of reading, borderline sick of being on the computer.....and I WANNA be with my KIDDO's!!!! This recuperating thing is taking WAAAAAY to long!!!!!!

I see the doc on Monday. For post-op appointment.

Boundaries

A couple of weeks ago I started attending a singles Bible Study @ Skyline church. My cousin encouraged me to attend (she was thinking dating purposes, me just getting to know people in the church and hopefully close to my age). Anyway, the church bulletin gave the description that it ws going to be on 'When to say yes, When to say no'. Not sure wshat to think, but okay. I get there and it is 'Boundaries in Dating'. Great. "Okay God, I don't know what to think. I will stick with it and see where You lead". Little did I know I just played an excercise in faith.
I was getting some stuff from this study, however, weeks into it and I still was a bit uncomfortable. After all, the only date I had ever been on was a blidn date set up by two mutual friends. That night? Just plain awkward! The next couple of weeks, thoughts were flooding my mind.
Doe God truly have someone out there for me?
Why have I had to wait so long (its got me believing I am to remain single)
My desire - God given?
My disability and all it entails - afraid it scares them off.

Here's where it gets interesting...

The group decides that it is better to start at the first book in the 'Boundaries' series (it goes from everyday relationships...family, friends... on up to boundaries with children). Oh My GOODNESS!!! I am lovin it! I am getting so much MORE from this first book - Boundaries - 'When to Say Yes, How to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life'
So far I am learning about breaking free from others control (how am I supppose to learn how to make decisions...even the RIGHT ones, when you are making them FOR me?!), seeking my own identity, and taking control of MY life. For quite a while now I havne't felt like I have had much if any control.

One week I was sitting in class thinking about the transition "okay, why the switch God?" I swear I heard His response in the back of my head say "It got you in here didnt it?" I almost burst out laughing right then and there!

But seriously, now the hardest part is talking to specific people about what I am learning, and praying they receive it well.

Pastor Jim Hicks (CLC) - Too Late is Never Too Late

I didn't make it to church Saturday night, the young woman whom I go with had somewhere else she had to be. I missed service this morning because my aide had overslept her phone is her alarm clock adn she forgot to take it off vibrate). I listened to both messages online, one last night before bed and one this afternoon. Our Saturday night pastor just happened to be speaking in our Sunday morning service as he sometimes does. I had to post this up here as it is another message I want to come back to often. Shoot, I had to listen to this message twice because it was so amazing.


Too Late is Never Too Late ---Pastor Jim Hicks

Too late is never too late even when circumstances aren’t going our way
Luke 8:40
Full of faith and trust in what God is going to do
God transcends time
Expectancy within our hearts for what God can do among us
God stuff some expectation, belief in us
Vs. 41
Desperation = great motivator to take us to God
Vs. 42
How many times have we had something in our head and it didn’t go that way?
Vs. 43
Too late is never too late even when others say it is over/ will never happen
Woman with the flow of blood
“Daughter, your faith has made you well, go in peace”.
Saying all along, “God will work this out”.
What am I telling myself, what am I listening to?
Look at what God has said, not what others have said
“She touched the hem of His garment”
Even when it was over, she believed Him
Vs. 44
She touched (grabbed) a hold of His garment
She had some action to her faith
When we stop believing or acting on what God has put before us, THEN it is over
KEEP GOING TO JESUS!!!
Vs. 45
The source of power – “It is not too late” - is in Jesus Christ
Come with our faith today, “Lord I want to press into you today”
Do what you need to do to press through to Him, no “microwave” prayers
Jesus is that answer
Praying through
Don’t let things destroy me
Vs.47 – 48
“Daughter” Go in peace (rescue, completeness) your faith has healed you
Lord, give me that same kind of faith today!
49 – 56
Too late is never too late even when natural hope is gone
Vs. 49
Our belief will cause us to do crazy things
Pastor Hicks “We will stalk (pursue) our future wife if we believe that is the one we want”
When things are not going well, can we still place ourselves at the mercy and trust of God?
Vs. 50
Jesus - “Do not be afraid any longer. Only believe….”
God, help us to build an atmosphere of faith and an atmosphere of belief no matter what we are facing
Vs. 51
Building an atmosphere of faith
Negative-‘ectomy’ – Jesus took the negative out of the room
Vs. 52
“Stop weeping, she has not died, but is asleep.”
He didn’t let their stuff stop what He wanted to do”
He saw something others didn’t see
Jesus wants to grab whatever is dead in your life and say “Arise!”
Return of the Spirit of God to the vision for what’s ahead
TOO LATE IS NEVER TOO LATE with GOD –Not because of who we are but of who He is
It’s the grace of God that He wants to pour into our lives

Poor Alehe

I know blogging about not blogging is considered a no-no, but what if it is blogging about not blogging about your pet enough?

After reading a few blogs about people and their servicedogs, I dont feel as though I write enough about Alehe.
Shoot, I don't feel as though I have done enough with her, let alone blogged enough about her. But come powerchair (whenever the heck that is)we'll be in the groove once again. Hopefully I wont kill her in the process.

(Wish I had a picture to go with this post)

Powerchair Demo II :Sweet Ride

The TDX SR

This one is sweet! I have watched this video now at least five times! Check it out here
This is the chair that I am trying out now. My favorite over the previous powerchair that I was able to demo for a few weeks and even over another one I am possibly going to demo (that I tried out for a day) in another few weeks. I can't raise this one to reach the high shelves but I would be able to get around more places with this one than say a manual chair or other powerchair perhaps.

"Hey Mom, I found a Cheap Way to Remodel the House!"

",...just stick me in a powerchair!"

This is one of the first comments I made to my mother when we talked on the phone shortly after deciding to give a powerchair a try.

A year and a half ago, it was decided that it was time to do something about the way I sat in my current wheelchair. Primarily for the adema (swelling) in my legs, which started shortly after I broke my left leg while making my bed. But even so for the amount of time I spend sitting in the chair

Referalls were made to an occupational therapist that could help me with the seating system in my current wheelchair. We first tried a "foam in place", which is conformed to the shape of my back. It was just okay, not great. A few weeks and we decided it was best for me to go to Colorado where they have a center that specializes in the Aspen Seating System, a lot like the foam in place but should work much better. It would be conformed to the shape of my back when I sit in my chair and thus be more comfortable. the problem was fighting with Medicaid to get them to cover me for the flight AND the Aspen seating. It took THREE times to get Medicaid (my insurance) to cover it, and then finally when we get it covered...they come out with the system here in Montana. What timing! No more having to fly to Colorado (rats, Mom and I wanted a vacation!)

The seating system was easy to do, but pretty messy. It consisted of tiny foam beads placed in a large (and I mean LARGE) sealed bag, then all the air sucked out of it by some machine while it is positioned behind my back. The air coming out would force the beads to stick together and conform to the shape of my back. the first time was a bit messy as something had punctured a hole in the bag which resulted in foam beads all over the living room floor. Break out the vacuum cleaner!

This seating system was all fine and dandy, however, when they tilted me back it fit by back perfectly. Now when I am seated in the manual chair, I don't touch it.

We had also discussed my using a powerchair. An option we discussed on the powerchair is I could raise the feet so that they are somewhat elevated, and I could tilt back at an angle and relieve pressure off my backside (less possibiity of me getting pressure sores as I sit in my w/chair all day). The first few times I tilted the wheelchair back, my survival instincts kicked in. I felt as though I was going to tip OVER backwards, so I wanted to counterbalance. but I was assured this could not happen. Now it is easy to let myself relax.


Here are pros and cons that I came up with regarding my using a power chair:

Pros
The model I will have will have the option of raising my feet to aleviate the adema problem
I will also be able to tilt and releive the pressure off my bum, No more excuse to being too tired to go anywhere. I an get ou of the house even if I don't fell like it
I can carry things in one hand and still maneuver
The model I will have (as I have decided from the demo) will have an option for me to raise the seat so that I can reach some high places (no more leaving dishes on the counter for others to put away
Mom reminded me that I will be able to use the stovetop! Whohoo! more meal options for myself!!! (I'm tired of the microwave)
I can even put stuff in the crockpot
No one pushing my wheelchair without asking
I no longer can make the excuse "I'm too tired" when I have an option of doing something.

Cons
I wouldnt be able to play tennis if I used a power chair fulltime
I wouldnt be able to venture downstairs if I wanted to
If the battery dies...I'm stuck
No more Alehe pulling my chair for me, just one of the biggest reasons for having her. And I have a feeling she really enjoys the work
Riding in other peoples cars if the need arises would be impossible, unless they came up with a lighter more compact model. Haha, yeah right. Like that's ever possible.
The size of my house

I say this last one because of the minor damage I have done, primarily to the doorways in my bedroom and bathroom. Both have gigantic scrapes where I rubbed part of the chair against the doors. The doorframe to my bathroom even has two very tiny holes where I ran the footplate into the wood. My knees even have bruises where I ran into the kitchen table a few times.

Using the powerchair outdoors is rather interesting. For the first week, indoors or outdoors I would not go faster than the first of five speeds this chair can go. By the third or fourth week, I was cranking the baby ALL THE WAY!!! Well, that was until I came near sailing off of the edge of a curb when on the sidewalk. I even managed to get myself swallowed by a group of bushes near the University campus. I'm glad no one was around to witness THAT now!

At the beginning when we were first inquiring about the powerchair thing, someone made the mistake of calling it an electric chair. My OT immediately shot back, "It's NOT an electric chair, it's a POWER chair. Electric chairs KILL people!" Now anytime I hear electric chair...I correct them with the same comment.

Poor Alehe doesn't know what to think. The first few days and I think I got her foot twice. Now she walks a little farther away than she used to. I'm surprised I haven't strangled her with the leash yet, as I have at times gone a bit faster than she can keep up, oops.

The other day I went to Norco where I was to demo two other powerchairs. I managed to wheel on the grass quite well, something i was earlier afraid to do (ever since breaking my leg when falling out of my chair, I havent been as brave about things). One chair I tried was a beautiful deep blue (blue being my favorite color) and yet another was a forest green (another cool color).

I'll try and get pictures of me in either chair up on flickr sometime.

In the meantime, anyone wanna challenge me to a race?!?!?!?!
Haha, just kidding!

Roller Coaster Ride of Life

So I cried myself to sleep one night, totally and completely overwhelmed with some events of the past few weeks. I am involved in the Bridges Program at Community Hospital. It provides various services for people with disabiltites and other issues. Me, I am doing physical and occupational therapy, counseling, and neuro-psych testing. Parts of it I am not even sure what for exactly. Some of it has been good. I am going to see an orthopedic doctor about the spina bifida which seems to be worsening. And at one point I brought up to someone that I used to ride horses and miss it, they are looking into a program for me here in Missoula. :D (BIG cheesy grin!)
It was this one particular day that I cried myself to leep that night that really got me. I thought this program was to help give more independence to those who needed it, and I feel like in a way they are trying to strip it from me. They want me using a sliding board (HA! Like I have the patience for that!) for when I transfer in an out of bed.
They want me to go agency based when it comes to my PCA's. I flat out will not do that, I have been self-direct for the seven years I have lived in Missoula. I hire people whom I know and trust. Besides, the two aides I hired outside of whom I know were disasters. One never bothered to show up and the other moved back to Kalispel threee weeks later. I hired a woman through a friend and it has been awesome having her around. She is a believer which really makes it nice.
A few days ago they tried ot get me to go agency based, I have just hired an aide I am really happy with and who understands my level of independence and how much I want to keep it. The only way I would do agency-based is if she wuold sign up through one of them and still work with me. To her understandng, they are trying to get me into residential care and to terminate what rights my parents have over me. My parents are thrilled that I am in the living situation I am. They want to see me independent. I am thrilled with my living situation.

Well then, just today they told me it was all a mistake...that they didn't realize just how independent I was; living in a house with roomies to help me, riding the bus to and from places, working out at a gym, going to church and other related functions. Okey-dokey, NOW we're on the same page. Whew! I can breathe.