Surgery - Crazily Enough, I am Quite Looking Forward to it!

'Can You see me in the valley?
Can You hear me call Your name?
You whisper "Do not be afraid, for Help is on the way" ' ~ None Compare, written by Richard Andrew

I am scheduled for surgery on my bladder feb 19th at 8a.m. They are prefornming two procedures in the same surgery. The crux of the surgery will be to place a supra-pubic tube just above the pelvic bone to drain the bladder into a leg bag. To also give my bladder added control (we hope), they are also taking a slice of skin from my hip to place under the bladder to act as a 'sling'. Over the years because of the spiuna bifida and increased curve in my spine, I have virtually ;lost all control. I am tired of spending half my day in the bathroom! And because of my lack of strength in my legs (due to fracturing both bones in my pper and lower leg) I do not have the strength I need for safe transfers. Crazily enough i am rather looking forward to this
The urinary diversion was discussed in months past, where doctors would take my apendix and route it to my bellybutton to use a catheter for emptying my bladder. In readign about the procedure online, I was a bit nerbvous as to reading all that it entails as well as pros and con's from patients who have had it done. Speakign with docots, especially my neurologist, it was advised that we try to avoid this surgery due to the risk of infection to my cranial shunt.
My docot whoi is performing the surgery. Awesome! Very warm and compassionate, cencerned for my needs, my fears and concerns, and most of all my desires. Unfortunately her husband could not fidn a job here in SD but outside the county, so she is no longer goign to be my doctor afterward. but she did say that sicne takign on my case she DOES want to remain my doctor until we see this thing through. She has introduced me to teh doctor who is taking over her practice here (a man) and I really feel comfortable with him as well. (Thank You Lord!) he will also be assisting during the surgery.
The past week or so I have been constantly asking God if this is the right thing to do. Somehow thinking that this would limit my dreams for the future, when in realyity....this could be the door TO them. "You could heal me lord". finishing up teh weekly homework for our Wednesday night Bible study, I came across something in the 'Notes' section of my Bible and how God sometimes uses medical intervention to bring about His healing.

Take my Will and make it Your own. I'm on my knees, letting go. Seeking more of You, finding less of me....and now I'm free, Take my will, let Your kindgdom come, let Your will be done ~ "Take My Will" written by Richard Andrew

A journal with various passages from the book of Psalms was given to me by my cousin for my birthday. i have been taking one page a week and really meditating on that page so as to really commit it to memory and not a "here today, gone tomorrow", kind of reading. In my quiet time this week three passages stuck out to me

Psalm 3:4-5 ~ I lay down and slept for the Lord sustained me
(difficulty with anesthetic due to tachycardia)
Psalm 4:6-8 ~ I go to bed and sleep in peace
(the word peace sticking out to me lately)
Because Lord, only You keep me safe
(felt like God's assurance he will watch over me during surgery)
Psalm 127:2 ~ the lord gives sleep to those He loves
("I love you Tryna, therefore I will protect you before, during, and after surgery")

What A Day!!! :D

Wednesday was the frst morning in at least three weeks that I had been to JUMP Preschool. After so many times as a volunteeer to see if I liked it, they require a background check before you return. It could take weeks for this to go through (ugh!). The director said she would call me when this happened.
Weeks go by and I haven't heard anything, but I resist the urge to call. She said she would call me when everything was okay'd. One day last week I finally went with the urge and called her office. She was glad I finally called as she had erased the message on the answering machine that had my phone number. Besides, the background check came back a-okay after only one week. Was I ready to start that Wednesday? HECK YEAH!!!!!
Immediately upon my arrival into one of the classrooms one little boy rushed right over to me (kind of a hop/jog sorta) and gave me a great big bear hug! Three more children from another class also did the same. I was so glad that they remebered who I was!!!
There were only three two-year-olds in their class today. 2 of the two years olds were actually interested in me, and cracked me up! (The third being sick and sleeping on teh couch). One of the little girsl was blabbering away, abotu what you had no idea as you could not understadn a WORD of what she said!!! (Oh how i WISH I could!) And LAUGH!!! Oh I love hearing the laughter of children. I would laugh at what they did which made them laugh....which made ME laugh even harder! AT onbe poin you hear me saying "alright!" as I was LOVING teh interaction with them. Before you know it, I had a little copycat. "AWIIIGH!", two-year-olds version of "ALRIIIGHT!") And both of them would not stop smiling at me :D the entire time I was with them.
My mother, cousin and I are in a new biblestudy - Beth Moore's study on Esther, "It's Tough Being a Woman". We missed the first three weeks of it, but last night being our first and I was rivetted. I got sooooooo much out of it! I took notes like a mad woman, along with filling in the information in our workbooks. Afteward, i got to thinking, "If this is how its going to be every week, I am in for the ride of my life!!!" I LOVED it!

Boundaries

A couple of weeks ago I started attending a singles Bible Study @ Skyline church. My cousin encouraged me to attend (she was thinking dating purposes, me just getting to know people in the church and hopefully close to my age). Anyway, the church bulletin gave the description that it ws going to be on 'When to say yes, When to say no'. Not sure wshat to think, but okay. I get there and it is 'Boundaries in Dating'. Great. "Okay God, I don't know what to think. I will stick with it and see where You lead". Little did I know I just played an excercise in faith.
I was getting some stuff from this study, however, weeks into it and I still was a bit uncomfortable. After all, the only date I had ever been on was a blidn date set up by two mutual friends. That night? Just plain awkward! The next couple of weeks, thoughts were flooding my mind.
Doe God truly have someone out there for me?
Why have I had to wait so long (its got me believing I am to remain single)
My desire - God given?
My disability and all it entails - afraid it scares them off.

Here's where it gets interesting...

The group decides that it is better to start at the first book in the 'Boundaries' series (it goes from everyday relationships...family, friends... on up to boundaries with children). Oh My GOODNESS!!! I am lovin it! I am getting so much MORE from this first book - Boundaries - 'When to Say Yes, How to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life'
So far I am learning about breaking free from others control (how am I supppose to learn how to make decisions...even the RIGHT ones, when you are making them FOR me?!), seeking my own identity, and taking control of MY life. For quite a while now I havne't felt like I have had much if any control.

One week I was sitting in class thinking about the transition "okay, why the switch God?" I swear I heard His response in the back of my head say "It got you in here didnt it?" I almost burst out laughing right then and there!

But seriously, now the hardest part is talking to specific people about what I am learning, and praying they receive it well.

Journey

God has been taking me on an interesting journey these past few months since being back here in Southern California. Looking back on life since May, its been unbelievable the things that have transpired. From utter confusion as to where my life was going , loud protests as to where life was taking me adn where I thought it should BE going, I now find myself falling on my face in total surrender, asking Him to lead the way.
Even though I have not had success at finding a place of my own yet, life at my cousins has been great, and God has met me there too. We've been a tremendous encouragement to eachother. She's been helping me find things to do; volunteering at various preschools, getting involved in the singles group at church, I help watch her three-year-old neice, and we watch my 2nd cousin play football on Friday nights at my alma mater, Granite Hills High School (GO EAGLES!!!)
SKyline Wesleyan church is where I am going on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights. I have visited in times past; a childhood frind invited me to her wednesday night childrens ministry, we would watch the Livign Christmas Tree put on by the Skyline choir. Even thougth it is a Wesleyan denomination, I have found it similiar to Christiam Life Center, an Assemblies of God (what i was born andraised in). I have visited churches I went to in the past, even the one I was born and raised in, but diddnt feel either was for me anymore. As the Good Lord wills, I long to become moreinvolved in the childrens ministry, possibly the choir sonewhere down the road. The Wednesday night singles group is going through a 'Boundaries' book series. When I first started, the topic/book was 'Boundaries in Dating'. Wasn't sure what to think of it at first. After all not having ever dated (except maybe a blind date set up by two mutual friends, Awekward!) I wasnt quite sure if it was something God had for me. Now we seem to have put that aside and are going through the first book of teh series 'Boundaries'. I am getting more from this one, although I wouldnt mind continuing with the other one too (sheepish grin). The pastors messages have been a true blessing in this season. One series was on Story, while now He's preaching on the Covenant.
Identity. its a word that has been sticking in my mind for some time now. I guess I have been rying to find out who I am. Since three years ago when my world was turned upside down by numerous circumstances and so may people trying to tell me what they saw best for me---and getting frustrated in the process, hurting people along the way because i could not adequately describe what was going on in my head, so it came out in anger and confusion instead. Gods grace is truly amazing. I have been truly leaning on Him for strength a I get through this rollercoaster of a season I find myslef in. And little blessings are popping up everywhere! Communication with family members has been fairly smooth (whoa!, it could still use some work, but its a growing process. A Montana friend (if your reading this you know who you are, a HUGE THANKYOU!!!) gave me an encouraging word about identity, and it has blessed me immeasurably. I go back and read his fb comment often :).

One final note, those poppers I made for biblestudy a few days ago? Yeah, HUGE hit! At least eight comments.
Pictures soon!

CH 14: Destined to Become Great

Regardless of where you were raised or born, you have been destined to become great.

Whatever God has called you to do, if you are being obedient to His call, then you are walking in greatness!

...You need to begin to see yourself doing great things.

Isaiah 54:17 - nothing formed against you can prosper

TIME TO DREAM

When you recognize the gift God has placed inside you and begin to walk in it, God will begin to open doors for you like never before.

There is nothing God cannot do.

CH 13: How to Use Your Gift

...the most effective way of growing your gift is to use it

God used my gift to make room for me and our ministry when we gave it away.

Your gift will make room for you.

Offer what GOd has given you, and what God has blessed you with.

Matthew 10:8 - Freely you have received, now freely give.

Galatians 6:7 - ...whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.

God has always been faithful to take care of my needs and my desires. He will take care of my business, if I take care of His.

God operates on a different level than the world does.

When people do you wrong, just put them in God's hands. "Father, i commit thi sperson (situation) into Your hands".

Grudges...dream-killers, gift-dividers.

CH 12: How to Win in Life

Don't put God on a timeline
When Abraham became inpatient, he brought despair and heartache into his life.
How many times have you quit before saw God come through for you? God always sees the end, the finished product

Protect the gift
You are a gift from God. God has found somonein you that He can share His secrets, His plans, and His assets with.
Once you yeild yoursef to God to be used, ...you are now valuable and are considered a dangerous threat to the enemy.

Write the vision
Hab. 2:2
Writing down what you are believing God for keeps it before your face all the time.

Don't talk doubt or unbelief
(whether it takes 22 years or 50 years)

Always keep the fire burning
Always believing God for greater and greater things.
When God knows He can trust you to believe Him and stand in faith for things, He is eager to give you more to believe for

Always have faith turned on
I never want to be a bench player

CH 11: It's Your Turn

He wants to bless you because you are His child

what are you believing God for?

Sickness does not have to run your life and determine what you can and cannot do.

CH 10: A Miracle Working God

Rick Reyna - God, we need a bigger sound system
God - Can you believe me for it?

I believed God for the new truck.
For the next four months, I would thank God for that truck every day.

That is the point where a lot of people get confused. They think God has called on them to make things happen. He has called us to walk by faith and let Him do the rest.

Habakuk 2:2 Write the vision and make it plain on tablets that he may run who reads it
Write the vision and what it takes to fulfill it.

When you are doing what God wants you to do, He will not only give you what you need, but what you want.

CH 9: Time to Launch Out

...God has a funny way of launhing you out to fulfill your dream.

....it looks like the bottom is ready to fall out of your life adn your haning on by a thread. Thats the time when you need to press into God even more.

Dig deeper into the Word of God, find scripures of faith and promise to speak over your life and over your situation.

Surround yourself with positive things, positive people.

Refuse to walk in fear! Refuse to walk in doubt adn don't let it even come out of your mouth!

Give out of your need and sow seed into the Kingdom of God

When you start hearing the devil talk...you have to shut his voice out of your life. His job is to crush your dreams before they even start. Just because you don't see something happening in the natural, physical world, doesn't mean God is not moving.

It's when you don't see nothing happening...is when God is really doing the most.

God knew we needed a truck, we just kept busy doign God's will and let Him take are of the logistics.

CH 7: Body Double

I remembered all the other voices who told me tha I wasn't going to amount to anything, who said I ould never become anything great because I was a Mexican. But here I was in Hollywood, about to star in a movie as Al Pacino's photo double. God had already done great things in my life and He was continuing to do more miracles every single day.

God gave me a dream! God gave me a desire!

CH 8: "A Mobile What?"

"Rick, for now, your time in Hollywood is over."
Just like that...and I knew my work there was done. God took the passion and desire out of me to be there and I felt a release in my spirit to go on to other things.

I just knew there was someting new God was doing in me. I recognized the pattern God had set in my life.

...I began to pray about what God would have us do next.

God - "I want you to believe me for..."

...I had gained the confidence for what God had called me to do.

My faith was not at a hundred-thousand-dollar level yet.

Listening to the voice of the enemy can rob you of your destiny

CH 6: A Closed Door or an Open Opportunity

When my dad sold his truck, I assumed this so called gift of doing Rally's was over...."Maybe there is something else God wants me to do."
Now it seemed that part of my life was done...or was it?

I beame a star for Jesus, even with only one line. I believed I was a star because I believed God allowed me to land that part and I did it!

DEATH OF A DREAM
Dreamt of going to Hollywood
Pastor shuts it down - "God did not call you to Hollywood"
Throws that dream in the trash
Pastor also pulls him from Youth Ministry
Believes pastor that God had not called him.

.....but we were wrong. God had other plans.

REBIRTH of a DREAM
(could God be allowing my dreams to die, only to raise them up at a"better" time?)

"... I feel this desire burning inside me again". (after switching churches)

Pastor - "I believe that within thirty days a door is going to open up for you in Hollywood".

Together we believed God was able to do anythign He promised us because we belonged to Him.

God - "...if I have called you, no one can uncall you. I fI gave you that word, that word is going to stick." "I am the God who is able to open every door."

"God, if this is from You, only You can open up this door!"

CH 5: A Prophetic Glimpse

God deosnt revel hi splan for your life all at one time. If He did, you'd probably run from it or simply not believe it. However, if you're seeking after God and you are open to His voice, sometimes He'll give oyu a propheti glimpse of the plans He has for you in the future.

I couldn't wait to see what God was going to do with it.

I knew she would come along one day and when she did, I didnt wnt to be used up like a pair of old, worn out , smelly hi-tops

CH 4: Graduation Surprise

Sometimes what "seems" in the natural to be a setback, is actually God working out an opportunity for us and our gift to shine.

...causes our confidence in our gift to grow as well.

CH 3: The Missing Ingredient

I wanted so badly to excel at something. I needed something to set me apart from everybody else, something to make me special.

I had a gift to pray

The more I prayed...the more my faith began to buildin excercising my gift.

I gained more onfidence every time I opened my mouth and prayed to God.

CH: 2 The Call

When I returned form camp that year, I made a decision to completely give my life over to God for whatever He had planned for me.

John 4:4 - Greter is He that is in me, than he who is in the world
I realized htat God has placed a dream in every persons heart, a desire that when fulfilled makes life worth living.

All I knew was to be real with God and make sure He knew I was available.

Book: A Latino and God, by Rick Reyna

I heard Rick Reyna speak at a 'Rally for Jesus' that a friend put together one evening a few weeks ago. A couple of singers were there too that I had never heeard of before, but that were good, especially Richard Andrew Experiment. In fact, I hadnt really expected to come home with muh, maybe one CD of hte artist I most liked, or a book by the speaker. Two of the artists gave me their CD's RAE included. I only had to pay for the book. RAE had a few CD's out and so I contemplated which one to get. But was given them both. I fully would have paid for them.
Funny, but partway through the concert and it was RAE that said something toward me. ( I was moving to the music and not even realized it. I have listened to their CD every day, even added them on Myspace, of whith the lead singer has replied a few times. We even chatted a bit after the concert (He and Alehe hit it off real well).


CH: 1 No Mister Rogers Neighborhood

The only things I saw were the limitations that were on their lives, holdiing them back from any potential good things. Their exuses usually hinged on the fact that they were Mexican.

Even friends told me to go ahead and dream about living the good life, but that's all it would ever be...a dream.

I could have agreed with the people who told me I was never going to amount to anything or do anything significant because I was Mexican....lived with a 'victim' mentality and a chip on my shoulder. But something in me would not let me do that. Deep down in my heart I knew there had to be something better out there for me....pulling at me, causing me to see myself headed in a different diretion and a better place.

CH 7: Acts 13 Breakthrough

God has rebuked me for my doubts
...God met me and began to pour thoughts into my mind as to how the goal could be achieved
There is a a very high return rate of Missionaries from the
field...and many more reasons.
Average term...ten years.
...traditional view of what missionaries do can distort our thinking about the numbers needed
Keep in mind that our first burden is not to concentrate on numbers, but to complete the task - to obey the Lord
...an unbalanced view of money is playing to big a role in the thinking of some Christian leaders and organizations
Every believer and church must be ready to give, passionately and cheerfully, a higher percentage of all money for world missions and especially for the cause of reaching the unreached.
-involvement on the field is crucial to a local church's vision of God's heart for the whole world
We need a greater renewal and reality in the churches - from a superficial walk with God to accepting the challenges that God puts before us today
Grace awakening - renewed emphasis on the 1Corinthians type of love
for one another
Greater discipline in prayer, studying the Word of God and giving
Be aware of allowing negative thinking to kill our creativity or vision. God is working in the midst of what looks to us like a mess. Often what we think is casualty, is not casualty to God.
God often achieves tremendous things through the most unlikely people.

CH 6: Finance for the Work

We are ALL suppose to live by faith, trusting God for our needs regardless of the way He supplies. (SSI, mom and dad, etc.)
Luke 18:1 - 5 "Persistence in prayer".
As we pray, we will begin to encounter awkward and difficult situations to test the sincerity of our goals.
...motives (what are the motives for the things that I do?)
...God glorifying goals in mind
He often withholds...He is concerned about our wrong view of Him
The Book of Job - Not putting God in a box
God does not want to destroy our goals, but refine us as we move toward them.
Prayer is work
Along with prayer, there needs to be action (what is the action I need to take regarding my prayers)
...because they love people, saw a need and wanted to give. (why do I give?)
***2Cor 8: 1-7...they gave as much as they were able...they gave first to the Lord
God urges us to excel in the grace of giving
Many Christians fail to realize that without their money, things won't happen. They have a feeling that someone else will take care of it.
God wants things to happen, but He makes US responsible; so it is WE who decide whether it happens or not
May we grasp more fully why we should have a passion and a grace for giving;
...the lack of finance is a major factor in holding up the work of God
The resources are available if only God's people would release them.