Boundaries

A couple of weeks ago I started attending a singles Bible Study @ Skyline church. My cousin encouraged me to attend (she was thinking dating purposes, me just getting to know people in the church and hopefully close to my age). Anyway, the church bulletin gave the description that it ws going to be on 'When to say yes, When to say no'. Not sure wshat to think, but okay. I get there and it is 'Boundaries in Dating'. Great. "Okay God, I don't know what to think. I will stick with it and see where You lead". Little did I know I just played an excercise in faith.
I was getting some stuff from this study, however, weeks into it and I still was a bit uncomfortable. After all, the only date I had ever been on was a blidn date set up by two mutual friends. That night? Just plain awkward! The next couple of weeks, thoughts were flooding my mind.
Doe God truly have someone out there for me?
Why have I had to wait so long (its got me believing I am to remain single)
My desire - God given?
My disability and all it entails - afraid it scares them off.

Here's where it gets interesting...

The group decides that it is better to start at the first book in the 'Boundaries' series (it goes from everyday relationships...family, friends... on up to boundaries with children). Oh My GOODNESS!!! I am lovin it! I am getting so much MORE from this first book - Boundaries - 'When to Say Yes, How to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life'
So far I am learning about breaking free from others control (how am I supppose to learn how to make decisions...even the RIGHT ones, when you are making them FOR me?!), seeking my own identity, and taking control of MY life. For quite a while now I havne't felt like I have had much if any control.

One week I was sitting in class thinking about the transition "okay, why the switch God?" I swear I heard His response in the back of my head say "It got you in here didnt it?" I almost burst out laughing right then and there!

But seriously, now the hardest part is talking to specific people about what I am learning, and praying they receive it well.

Facing Disappointment

Pastor Phillips was in Chi Alpha Tuesday night as I am just arriving through the door of the classroom where it's held. I was surprised to see him there. AFter saying an enthusiastic and somewhat surprised "Hi!", I asked "What brings you to Chi Alpha?" (or maybe something more like "What are YOU doing here?" He then told me he was the speaker for tonight. "Yeah!",I exclaim as I pump my fist. Little did I know how much his message and the story he told in closing would affect me.

Two areas of disappointment
circumstances
people

Websters Dictionary definition of disappointment
not as appointed ; not as planned


dissappointed with the way things are going in our life

Acts 7:22 - 29
Moses

He's in trouble with the Egyptians AND the Hebrews
One day he is a somebody, the next - a foreigner
forry years away from what he thought was God's purpose in life
Life is not going as he planned
life is falling apart
situations not working out the way you think they should
goal/purpose - confused
no way out, no answer - nothing is going to change
Can God help me with my dissapointment
YES

Moses is pulled toward his own brethren (me, having a disability myself, being pulled to teach children with disabilties)

He (meaning God) will have to teach me

1) God is in control of every circumstance
He is not controlled by them, He controls them
Power of Christs word holds everything together
Heb 1:3
He orders them according to His plan
Psalm 31 - My times are in Your hands
God is aware of times in my life
This is the da:y that the Lord has made, Let us rejoice and be glad in it - Psalm
whether in prison or Palace
we may not understand everything that comes our way, we can understand His nature and His purpose
Faith/Trust -I believe God and I will trust Him with what is happening in my life. I trust He will be true to His Word

2.) God has a plan for my life - unique and individual for me
He sees things that I go through in a different perspective / viewpoint
See things the way God sees them
God has a better plan than I do
Moses disappointment becomes God's great appointment
God's way became the best way, even when it took forty years to happen
Are there areas of your life where you are disappointed because of circumstances?
Put your trust in Him
God will never fail you
Joseph - dreams about what God is going to do in his life, how God was going to use him
(sold off by brothers, put in prison, falsely accused for trying to rape masters wife, prison again)
In all this Joseph did not lose sight of God
God elevates him in the end
David - kills Goliath
hero at 17
given daughter of the king to wed
lavished with gifts
taken away overnight because Saul becomes jealous adn hunts him down to take his life 17 years
God delivers him and David becomes next king of Israel. David keeps his eyes on God
Daniel lions den

3.) Disappointment in people
Our disappointments = God's great appointments
Moses disappointed in Aaron bis brother for making an idol for the people while Moses is on Mt. Sanai
Elisha and Gehezai - 2Kings 10
Nahman- dip in the river seven times
Acts 15 - Barnabas and the missionary journey (Paul and John-Mark)
Get you eyes on Jesus -Psalm 121:2
Too many times our lives are destroyed by people or circumstances
Quiet ourselves before God -
Paul- He who has begun a good workk in you will carry it on to completion until the day of christ

Story
Jim Cymbala Fresh Faith
Wendy Alvair in Brooklyn
a romantic
dreaming of the day she would marry, raise a houseful of children
a lot harder than it looked - went through two boyfriends
disappointed with life
found a man of her dreams
engaged, planning wedding
fell apart, lonely, wasnt close enough to God to ask for help
experienced the death of her father
fiinally listened, resubmitted her life to Christ
Wendy grew in the Lord , became involved in the church
Desire to marry as strong a ever
Okay God, Where is he
silence
watched many friends get married
30th, 35th bday went by
maybe God's plan didn't include marriage, motherhood
talked to God about her singleness
prayer time = pity party
God "you've taken eyes off Me, and put them on your circumstance"
God is the Source of all happiness
Dark cloud lifted
gave the desire to God on the altar, stopped whining about it
1 year later
(man she met 12 years earlier) this must be something from the enemy
concerned about getting involved with a babe in Christ
He wanted God's will so badly, even if it doesnt include Wendy
37 and finally married
birthed two children
keep seeking God's will
Dont settle for less
Hebrews 10:35 - don't throw away your confidence
Matt 6:33 - Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all these things will be added to you.

Fall Retreat 2007 - What a Rush!

Should I stay or should I go?

Fall retreat was this past weekend. And because of a lot of hubbub going on with me lately, I needed a touch from God. Parents encouraged me to go. I knew I had the money, but I wasnt sure where it would leave me for other things that might come up. Luckily, I got shopping done soon after I paid for the trip. Sorry to Ohiodawa for the confusion. I had decided a while ago that I wasnt going because of $$(drives my parents nuts) and so she was going to go home that weekend. I guess I didnt say anything when I changed my mind. That's what I get for thinking about talking to her for so long, at one point I thought I had!

The speaker was Jenny McJunkin and she spoke on the topic of Singleness. I had no idea when I first signed up who the speaker was nor the topic of the weekend. I could have been the only one in the room she was speaking to. Each session, Friday night, Saturday morning/evening, and Sunday morning - spoke volumes to me where as it is usually one session where God hits me big. But this time, it rocked all the way through!

The Four Sessions included Intimacy with God, Developing Strong Relationships, Character, and Find the Right One to Marry - this fourth one was kept secret until the start of that session.

Intimacy with God
Song - I have a Maker. Something about the words just really struck me this weekend. I often worry about things even when I know I don't need to. God knows every intimate detail about my life and its goings-on. I just have to remind myself of that. It goes along with another point in her sermon - "Listen to God and all else will fall into place." Eeghad, why do I worry about my life being boring!? So far, it's been anything but!

Singleness, both a gift and a blessing.
I had to repent and ask forgiveness for not seeing it that way.

Dates with God and God wants to fill the lonely ache with more of Him.
Hmmm, dating God. A new way of looking at spending time with Him. I am terrible (it seems to me anyway) at getting quality alone time with Him. But I like the idea of at least getting one day out of every week to really get to know Him. I will continue to get alone wth Him daily, but make it a point of gettign together on one particular day (other than Sunday, as I already look forward with great anticipation as to what He will do in church).

Develop healthy relationships/friendships
God has given me this season for many reasons. One of them for growing and developing frioendships. As much as I enjoy the people around me, I look forward to new friendships that may come along (where are all the thrity-somethings in our church!). God has even challenged me to deepen the friendships that I already have. Even if it means contacting them by phone once a week. Right now, it's just sporatic. Even being more purposeful in conversations.
Isaiah 54: Seeing God as My Husband
For right now, until and even into the season that God brings me a mate, I shall concentrate on making friendships a proiority by initiating regular contact - talking on the phone more, sending an e-mail, etc. I need to work on this. Especially in the area of listening. Of course it is hard to do with friends who don't say much. I must get creative in my interactions because as I have learned this weekend "as we love on others, our selfishness decreases". ME - "Lord, teach me to become selfless".

Can't remember her name
speakers mother
praying for me numerous times
healing of the SB and supernatueral dreams
"Healing is ongoing, miracles are instant"

Character Development
God was really talking to me through worship.'Never underestimate my Jesus' was playing during discussion question time when I hear His sweet Spirit saying to me
"My Daughter, you are Mine and I love you!"
With the speakers message on chracter came 'preparation for marriage'. I have struggled to ask God about my future in this area. Afraid tho hear the word 'no' I guess. And if I had it my way, I would have been married with kids long ago. Can't quite understand why its taken so long, but then again I couldnt understand why He had me in college for thirteen years! (well, eleven if you dont count the 1 1/2 years out of college due to health issues).
Stop looking and start becoming. This statement had a huge impact on me. I have been so busy wondering if so and so could be it, I have completely forgotten about preparation! Another huge one for me this weekend was when she mentioned getting distracted by outward appearance (mine and his). Developing my character and looking for someone with character need to be more of a focus than looks. How am I supposed to attract someone with good character if I don't work on my own (not that I am saying anything bad about mine). A point I need to remind myself over and over again..., a man will Not solve all my problems. Only God is big enough to do that dirty work.

Find the right one to marry 8OD
This was the one that Jenny held back from mentioning at the beginning of the retreat, and for good reason.
God is pro-marriage
He may be holdign it from me for good reasons( like AC told me at a bible study last year "He wants to keep me all to Himself." This statement has messed with me since.
We are praying God's will when praying to find a spouse
many time s I tried to pray, and many times I got discouraged, thinking "maybe He doesn't have this for me"
We do our part, God does His
AS long as I am living for God and accomplishing what He has called me to do (preschoolers, YEAH!!!) He will do His part and draw us to eachother (He may not just have one perfect person, but there may be more than one that I may choose from and still be in His will.)
How to Find the Right One
Make yourself attractive
Spiritual Development - working on the inside of me; strengthening my walk with the Lord. Concentrating more on being (becoming) the ideal person, and not so much on finding the person.
Dont let your appearance limit you*****
how you believe is how others see you
What am I subconciously projecting
Change your mentality!!!
I have struggled in the past (and sometimes still struggle today) with my appearance. God has had to work on me royally in this area of my life. Slowly, He is changing the opinion of myself, and makign me believe that once can look past the outer appearance adn love me for who I am inside (I think I feel a Disney song comeing on)
Jer. 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future
Allow God to be creative
Oh how I dream of the day. But of course I know my imagination is limited, and God could cause it to happen unlike any dream I have ever had...or could have. But I still go on dreaming.
Trust God's Timing*****
Don't get discouraged
These two go hand in hand for me. As mucbh as I would love it to happen yesterday, I feel I am to focus on my career for right now...at least finding the ideal job. Can I handle marriage and career? I am sure willing to give it all I got to try, even with my dream of adoption. As far as discouragement goes, when you've seen countless friends getting hitched, married and then having kids, and they are all younger than you...It's hard not to become discouraged. In my mind my dreams should have happened by now.

For a week after the retreat, and even as I write this (as I have been working on it for at least two!) God was still moving through what was spoken that weekend.
Please check my flickr page often as I am still needing to post a few pictures.

Oh God is SO GOOD!

Daughter Thinks of Others

NOW DEAR beloved Santa Claus, please listen to my prayer. If near my home on Christmas Eve, leave just one present there. It isn’t for myself I ask, but only for another; Please leave a handsome son-in-law…for Daddy and for Mother.

(Another one from the December Laughletter Newsletter)

Talk About Awkward!

So Saturday evening I got set up on a blind date, if that's what you wanna call it. A former roomie and a mutual friend went along also. It was kind of a weird situation. A friend of mine thought the two of us would be a good couple. He is 35, also a Christian and in a wheelchair. (I later found out it was a car accident 20 years ago) Four of us met at southgate mall and hung out shopping together for a few hours. I bought a few things; shoes, CD and DVD. I had a giftcard for Sam Goody and the shoes I have weren't supporting my feet to much anymore. I felt like we pretty much did our own thing at the mall, T and I together and J and R together. We didn't hang out much there. My former roomie and I went to a movie afterward while the other two went out to dinner with a friend of theirs (already planned) so we would meet them later for yet another movie.

My former roomie and I went to see 16 Blocks. I had never heard if it before, but she said it was supposed to be really good. It was awesome! I think we gave one of the ticket sellers a shock. We came out of the first movie only to turn right around once we met the other two and went right back in. The second movie we saw was Pink Panther. I didn't think I would like it as much as I did. It was a bit on the cheesy side, but I did laugh.

Part way through the second movie something dawned on me. Right in front of where my former roomie and I sat there was a loveseat. Why don't they have something like that for people in wheelchairs I wonder? He had to sit at the opposite end of our row. So my former roomie and I sat together while the other two sat together on the other side. It made for an awkward evening. At least the four of us got in for free .

I saw him at church this morning. He didn't say anything to me, and when I turned around to talk to him after the service, he was already gone.

As far as I know, the only thing we had in common were that we both were christians and used wheelchairs. I did find out tht he was a business major when in school. He didnt talk much when he was around, but he loved Ally (and vice versa, no surprise there).

Forresters Ball 2006

Blast if I did not bring my camera!

Saturday night was the 89th annual Foresters Ball that is put on by the Forestry Department. This is a pretty big event for UM every year. This was my third year in attendance.

My first year at the Foresters Ball was rather interesting. one of the guys in our group (gotta love him) shows up in a ski cap and parachute pants tht you could smuggle four children in. Two on each side. Everyone usually dresses in western or logger attire for this event. Also tht night, one of my female classmates form a communications classes asks me if I wanted to dance adn so we di. My first thought as she is spinning me around ( as I had a feeling she was a bit sloshed) "Good grief! I am sober and I am going to be sick!" But I still had a good time.

My second year(last year) was my favorite. I started off dancing amongst roomates. Next thing I know, a guy whom I have never met comes and asks me to dance. I danced with him for three songs before I had to sit and chill. I felt a little foolish for not having enjoyed my tienm with him all that much. But when you constantly run me into people and yell at the top of your lungs for people to give you some room, byt the third dance it got rather old. So I went and sat wtih a roomate at a table. I thanked him for a good time anyway and turned my attention elsewhere, and proceeded to catch my breath. I forgot how much energy that takes out of you!
Well no sooner than I sit down and try to catch my breath, another gentleman comes up and asks meif I would like to dance. Good grief did he look hot in a cowboy hat! And he ws so sweet. I said sure, and he puts his hat on my head, gently takes my hands adn leads me to the dancefloor. I wondered if he had ever danced with someone in a wheelchair before because he was smokin'! I had an absolute blast! I had to sit ouot a song or two after we danced two, so we sat and talked a few minutes. He's a junior in business management from Los Angeles and loves it here. Anyway, he asked if I was up for one more and I just had to. Again, his hat went on my head, he genmtly took both my hands and led me to the dancefloor ( and did not run me into anyone). What's strange (and sad) is I have not seen either gentleman since.

I looked all over for "Colt" this past Saturday and did not see him :'(

I still had fun though, dancing with the group that I came with. J9 and I cutting a rug, Court, and Rael from the house. I danced with Zach from the guys house and then Clay who attends Chi Alpha on Mondays.

See, I used to do this during my highschool days. I would have a lesson with two or three other couples one day a week. We eventually did wheelchair dance exhibitions in nursing homes, and once in front of customers at a local bar ( I usually danced with the instructor and boy iod he make me look good!). The biggest thrill was our annual Del Mar Fair exhibition.

If God ever grants me a husband, he better know how to dance, and love it.
I miss doing it so much.