HFTCN: Evening Service

Evening Service ~ Church of the Open Bible

Song by Trish and Jeremy Eisele , "I won't go back"

Prayer ,
Father, remove the chains on this nation. Drugs, alcoholism, abuse, oppression. Soften hearts to the Gospel. Give your ministers BOLDNESS to go where there is need (even if that means me)
Call us out God, to go! Call Your people out of their sin!

Worship: I'm Forgiven
                Your Love Oh Lord
                Where the Spirit of the Lord Is.... (there is freedom)
                We Wait For You (To Walk In the Room)
                The More I Seek You

GOD:  I'm in the little things AND the big. Invite me in!

Pastor Joel Niles : Anointing, Power, Presence

                  I Could Never Thank You Enough

Father, break through the barriers
              we're not good enough
                             strong enough
                             smart enough
                             capable enough

Replace it with God-Confidence

Break chains of distraction

"There is a HUGE need, right here!" ~ Pastor Eisele

***** Give me a heartbeat that says, "What can I do?"

*Filled with the Spirit every day

Anticipation

Don't yield nor submit to the enemy

Ephesians 5: Our fight is not with flesh and blood, know who you are in God

45 CHILDREN TODAY!!!  (each day we saw an increase)

HOPE for the Crow Nation ~ "I'm a Transformer"

 <3 5:1-5="" p="" romans="">FAITH triumphs in trouble
(Transformational, not just functional)

Romans 5:3-4
and not only that, but..."Lord, where are You now!? God, what are You going to do with this?"

Mogli ~ Jungle Book, "We've got to learn them all we know"
     <3 glory="" in="" p="" tribulations="" your="">
My father did not tell me how to live, but lived and let me watch

*** God's plans are not the same as ours ***
God, why have You stopped me here?   Listen

2Corinthians 12:9 ~ But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me

His grace is sufficient

Things may not be going the way I planned, but God is still in control
Jeremiah 29:11

Don't think small
Is everything I have sufficient for Him?

<3 2corinthians="" 4:17="" p="">2 Corinthians 4:17 ~ For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison

(Be a Proverbs 31 woman)
worker, doer
Don't look for a husband
Do what God has called you to do today
Be a victor, not a victim

He has given me everything I need to do what HE has called me to do *today*
(I tend to look waaay far ahead into the future, which gets depressing)

Romans 8:18
<3 5:1-5="" p="" romans=""><3 glory="" in="" p="" tribulations="" your=""><3 2corinthians="" 4:17="" p="">For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us
Am I lifting up my problems more than my praise to God
<3 5:1-5="" p="" romans=""><3 glory="" in="" p="" tribulations="" your=""><3 2corinthians="" 4:17="" p="">
<3 5:1-5="" p="" romans=""><3 glory="" in="" p="" tribulations="" your=""><3 2corinthians="" 4:17="" p="">Romans 5:3-4 , produces character
<3 5:1-5="" p="" romans=""><3 glory="" in="" p="" tribulations="" your=""><3 2corinthians="" 4:17="" p="">² Through him we have also obtained access by faith^[a] into this grace in which we stand, and we^[b] rejoice^[c] in hope of the glory of God. ³ Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, ⁴ and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,

Philippians 2:22 (we shall be doing the same today)
But you know Timothy's^[a] proven worth, how as a son^[b] with a father he has served with me in the gospel.

brother from another mother, brother from the same father

Joint heirs

In my weakness, His strength is perfect
His grace is sufficient

Be transformed, to be a transformer

D.O.G.S. ~ Disciples of God's Son

WORSHIP: Peace Like a River
                    Open the Eyes of My Heart
                    Let it Rise

In our fellowship time after service, I had the opportunity to share some of my life story with Pastor Red Star.  Very encouraging





<3 5:1-5="" p="" romans=""><3 glory="" in="" p="" tribulations="" your=""><3 2corinthians="" 4:17="" p="">
<3 5:1-5="" p="" romans=""><3 glory="" in="" p="" tribulations="" your=""><3 2corinthians="" 4:17="" p="">
<3 5:1-5="" p="" romans=""><3 glory="" in="" p="" tribulations="" your=""><3 2corinthians="" 4:17="" p="">


<3 5:1-5="" p="" romans=""><3 glory="" in="" p="" tribulations="" your=""><3 2corinthians="" 4:17="" p="">
<3 a="" be="" not="" p="" victim="" victor="">



 

HFTCN :Proverbs 18:6 ~ A fools lips walk into a fight and his mouth invites a beating

Pastor Harris Red Star Hardin Bible Church
Proverbs 18:6 ~ A fools lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating

I serve a God who is mightier
They (the world) want a brother, sister, encourager
My prayers are powerful!  Even more powerful than a pastor sometimes

FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS

Pastor Jeremy Eisele : Smith Wigglesworth ~ God said it, I believe it, that settles it!

Empty me Lord, and fill me with You!

"Indian Time" (when church starts, usually an hour later)

my prayer : "Lord, stir up a hunger for You, to know You! 
(God answered one night when children rushed to the altar when they were asked who wanted to live for Jesus. 

WORSHIP: Pastor Jeremy Eisele  ~ Protect your pulpit
"Oh Happy Day!"
"Here for a Reason"  ~ speaking right to me, a pep-talk of sorts, to myself
*NEW* Come Like the Dawn
Take Me In
     my prayer, "Lord, don't let me come out the same!"
Oh, the Blood of Jesus
<3 in="" jesus="" p="" victory=""> 

Hope for the Crow Nation ~ God Wants Us Here for a Reason

Sermon ~ Pastor Joel Niles (Hamilton Assembly of God children's Pastor)
  Why Did God Save Me?
Worship: To tell others (Michali)

God did not save me to go to Heaven. There is a work for us to do here on Earth.
Be obedient when He tells you to do something.
 <3 ask="" do="" equip="" for="" god="" he="" me="" not="" p="" something="" that="" to="" will="">Even in my discouragement God, give me the means to do , to give me the strength what He has me to do.
     Philippians 4:13 ~ I can endure all things.
Enter His gates with thanksgiving ; when you are discouraged, think of something you are thankful for
 <3 eyes="" keep="" open="" p="" spiritual="" your="">
***<3 u="">Tell the enemy he HAS to flee!

I
am a 'Game Changer' ~ Pastor Redstar  (Hardin Bible Church ~ Hardin, Montana)

HAOG Missions Trip 2016 ~ "Hope for the Crow Nation" VBS/Revival

Months before this trip, God implanted the desire in my heart to embark on a missions trip quite like the trips I had taken with Chi Alpha from the University of Montana. I prayed every night, for a solid week; but the enemy crept in, then, sorta forgot about it. March rolled around and the desire once again was stirred in me. Wednesday night before teaching Rainbows, my Sunday school, helper talked about a missions opportunity she was embarking on. I must have looked interested in it because the next thing I know she is asking ME if I wanted to go. Out of my mouth before I could think came a resounding, "YES!" Oh, but then I gave an excuse that I didn't have someone to help me with my evening and morning routine, not to mention a few extra's.  She said she would be willing to help wherever needed. (Prayer answered!)
  At church two days later, the missions opportunity was presented by a husband and wife from our congregation. An opportunity to minister on the Crow Native American reservation. The opportunity stirred something in me as I immediately began to recall a ministry opportunity on the reservation in Canada with Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship on the university of Montana-Missoula campus. (What tribe, I am drawing a blank). I remember sharing my testimony and my college pastor's conversation with me afterward; how much their youth pastor was touched by my testimony and how he felt it was good for the youth to hear.
     This current missions trip was to the Crow agency, a Native American tribe in Hardin, Montana. The trip consisted of putting on a Vacation Bible School for the Crow children, preschool to sixth grade. Four days of singing, dancing, crafts, drama's, Bible stories, and prizes! Our last day would be filled with sight-seeing in the town of Hardin.
     Commence nine loooong months of waiting, praying, planning and fundraising (Indian taco's, YUM!).
           Are we there yet?!

Headaches and Nausea : Surprising Turn of Events

Well glory hallelujah and praise the Lord, the two doctors actually talked! I never thought that it could happen, but it did. And I was the one to bring up to the neurosurgeon here in S.D. the possibility of my stomach causing the headaches. Ha!

I awoke with yet another headache, nausea, vomiting episode one morning, and frankly, had had ENOUGH already! After having an amazing time with the ‘Elevate’ children, I just wanted to bag that day and request a repeat of Sunday. A friend left a comment on my status about ‘seeking a new adventure’. Forty minutes later I received the phone call from my neurosurgeon here in San Diego saying he talked to the one in Montana (and we had to beg).

My first appointment since the two doctors talked, they called it 'gastrointestinal migraines'. In the past, stomach medication really didnt do anything for me and migraine medication did nothing or exasperated the problem, sometimes helpign for only a short period of time before quitting.

My biggest fear now; when is the medication going to stop working, since so many have in the past. Holding on to faith that it won't. Hard

Be Still (*sigh*)

"Be still and know that I am God"
~Psalm 46:10

ANOTHER appointment with my neuro-surgeon on Monday. Hmph! Not like it's going to reveal anything (please excuse my cynicism).

Headaches, nausea, vomiting. This is what I have dealt with since early teens. Surgery, medications, different pillows, c-pap, elevating the head of the bed. I've tried it. Sure, it works for a little while. Short term solutions.
Over the years I've been steadily losing hope the doctors will ever find a permanent solution.

Upon reading the above verse, a still small voice inside of me promted me to do a search on the phrase "be still"
Exodus 14:14
The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

Mark 4:39
He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.

Lord, calm this storm inside!

Psalm 83:1 (NKJV)
[ A Song. A Psalm of Asaph. ] Do not keep silent, O God!Do not hold Your peace, And do not be still, O God!
(All I seem to be getting from Him on this particular situation, silence. Lord, what is the lesson here?)



TODAY's DEVOTIONAL
"Be Still" I hear Him softly say
"Be still, lay all aside" (time out!)
He who made the universe stoops down
and gathers up my cares
(I am definately weary.....more like, DONE! Eleven years of college, it oud be nice to use it. To not depend so much on SSI.
"Be still" He chides again
His work begins within my weary soul
"Be patient. In quiet stay.
Listen to me" (Lord, I am listening!....or am I?)

Though pressed on every side
I clear my heart and mind
In timid voice and heart
I lift to Him my praise

How quiet His presence
How healing His words
In hushed awe, I listen
I savor each one

My will He bends (RA's Take My Will)
My heart He sweeps clean
My strength He renews My soul He fills to overflowing (PROMISE)

He teaches through His Word
I heed what He tells me
I stand and give Him praise
Together we go forth to serve

Shunt Valve Replacement

So my last dr. appointment I had an interesting development. My parents are downright convinced my shunt is causing all these problems. What with the headaches, nausea, vomioting I've been experiencing. I on the other hand, don't quite know WHAT to think anymore. I am quickly losing faith in anything we try. It only seems to be a temporary fix.

My neurosurgeon made a slight adjustment to the setting of my shunt (using a small magnet). The valve in my shunt controls how much cerebral spinal fluid is flowing in the brain. The MRI machine, because it uses a magnet, could mess with the setting just a bit, but the last time they did one the tech didn't think it necessary to do an xray to double-check (I should have said something, dang NOW I think of it!). My neurosurgeon made a slight adjustment anyway, even though it was only off by a tenth, but the slightest adjustment COULD make a difference with me, you just never know.

Three x-rays later as it took a bit to get my HEAD adjusted correctly so they could see the valve, aaaaand he has me in x-ray once again..... this time he is in there with me and the x-ray tech to make sure it is done exactly how he wants it, so that he can see the valve in question. After the final x-ray I look over as he is walking back into the room. He has a dumbfounded look on his face, and my jaw drops. He couldn't believe it, but the valve was broken. HOW that happened is a mystery to all of us. (I've bumped my head on occassion, but I didnt think anything that hard). I prayed the night before that we would find something, but don't think I was quite ready for the answer just yet.

A second appointment on 7-29-10 confirmed surgery. Unfortunately, a date not be set until a few weeks later. It seems that calling surgery scheduling they could only gurantee it woould be in the next six to eight weeks! WHAT?! No Way!!!!! Nuh-uh, NOT waiting that long, sorry! They said I could be placed on the cancellation list, if somoen's surgery just happened to be cancelled for any reason I could be up for that date. Whew! I did just that. Then it was a phonecall to my neurosurgeons office asking if he could do something to bump up the date. I didn't hear for two days. Another phonecall, and I left a voicemail. The next day I get a call from surgery scheduling. They could schedule my surgery for August 16th. Yes, I'll take it! HO but the two-week wait to get it done was going to be excruciating. I SO want to be done with the headaches already! ("I want it done...yesterday!")

What was originally going to be a 45 minute procedure under local anesthetic turned into a two-hour suergery under general anesthetic due to positioning me just right and I am sure other things too (My back and hiops just don't like to cooperate sometimes).

They gave me the sedative....aaaand thats the last thing I remember. No wheeling into the OR, getting me on the table, putting me underrr... nuthin'. They shot the sedative into the I.V and the room slowly started to spin. I'm smiling, LOL! Annnnd she OUT!
I remember waking up in recovery. I did not want to wake up. It felt good to sleep. I vaguely remeber being wheeled into my room.

Food was just mediocre, nuthin special. One of the reasons I couldn't wait to get out of there! Would you honestly feed your family that crap?! I immediately missed my cousins cooking.

The nurses were borderline annoying. Why did I bother giving the hospital a medication list? The nurses almost never got it right. Oh the right medications yes, but the wrong doses or times to be given. One nurse tried to refuse to give my heart meds. She said my bloodpressure was too low for me to take them. It took me four times to convince her they were not for my bloodpressure, they were for my tachycardia. And yes, my bloodpressure is a bit on the low side becasue of it, this we already knew. It is well monitored. (I think my bloodpressure was goinG UP at this point) When I was discharged later I foudn teh list, at home on my desk along with another paper I was supposed to give the hospital. Haha, Oops. Maybe I filled out another one for them. Shoot, I can't remeber.

Only took pain meds once while in the hospital, and after that it was 2 Ibuprofen before going to bed the night after surgery.

It has now been three days since surgery, and I have not been woken up by a headache.

GLORY!!!!!

It's Tough Being a Woman.....week 8

Often, when we thrill to the realization of a call from God, we picture going from our faces to our feet as He increasingly elevates our position. The reverse however, is often truer in the earthly realm.

(Esther 8:3)

Esther had come to royal position for such a time as this

To accomplish our call, we must be humbled far more than exalted, though God certainly lifts up His faithful servant in due time

somewhere deep inside our selfish selves we really don't believe that life is all about us

...whose passion for God only swells with time, hitting it's highest pitch with the last breath
I want this passion!

1Sam 8:20 - begging God for a human "king" who would lead me and go out before me and fight my battles. I didn't see my request as a replacement for God. I spiritualized my quest for an earthly hero by agreeing to see him as a gift from God.

He (God) not only see the desires of our hearts, but He also looks straight into the heart of our desires and knows when we are asking - even accidentally - for a false Christ

God is jealous for our true enduring hero to be His own Son. He answers my prayers to love Jesus above all else by allowing someone to disappoint me and prove insufficient for me

Sometimes God wants to show us what we can do rather than let us find someone who can do it for us

sometimes you and I are looking for someone to stand up and do what God wants us to do

...wanted someone to step in and break the chain of bondage....instead God started that process by breaking me

****...one reason God dissuades us from making champions of human kind is to keep us from falling in love with the night and paying no worship to the glorious Son.****

Sometimes God calls us to wait

Every morning God already knows each joy and concern that our day holds

God's timing is perfect

we must learn to fight an invisible enemy (Eph. 6:10-17) Sometimes we're exactly where we are meant to be - right in the middle of our spiritual Canaan - yet God tests us there to teach us a new level of warfare

One of the hardest parts of being a mother or a mentor is watching our children face a battle we can't fight for them. If God is going to raise our children to be mighty warriors of the faith, He must be free to teach them to fight. ....how can the person experience the exhilaration of victory in a battle they never had to fight. (mom)

Some of us with little previous battle experience have no idea why God is allowing us to go through such difficult times in a place we thought was His will.

God's trying to make warriors out of us

we are guaranteed the victory

God's providence is the theme of Esther, the absence of His obvious activity invites us to imagine the divine activities behind the scene. If we could only see what is happening around us in the unseen realm, our eyes would nearly pop out of socket.
(my water-baptism)

God wasn't forced to think up something new when the book of Malachi rolled to a close and the Gospel o Matthew pounded on His door. God's plan for Israel hadn't fallen through the cracks between Testaments.
(God's plan for me wasn't thwarted when I was moved from Montana back to California)

He will mount the fastest horse in the King's stables and burst through the barriers of human sight and sound with the armies of heaven "following Him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen white and clean (Rev. 19:1) "On His robe and on His thigh He will have written the name King of Kings and Lord of Lords (Rev. 19:16)

Every single time we pray the familiar words "Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven", we are praying for Christ to return in all His majesty.

We never have to leave the King's presence

And remember, "I am with you always, to the end of the age". (Matt. 28:18-20

When a time of happiness comes, I think we outght to take it and run

We often speak of happiness as a less noble term than joyfulness because the former is circumstantial and the latter less conditional.....but when God intervenes in our circumstances and we get a chance not only to know we're blessed but feel blessed, nothing is more appropriate than seizing the happy moment.
(thinking of my experience with RA and his music, "Lord, am I making too much of this?" His response "No, take it and run babe!"

...it is meant by God to be medicine for our weary souls. Times of happiness are glimpses of Heaven until we get there

God tookHis children's mourning, fasting, weeping, and wailing adn turned it into a time of happiness, joy, gladness and honor

Yahweh, the faithful covenant GOd, reversed every negative of His threatened people and turned it intop a postivice

God's people didn't suddenly aquire perfect conditions, they still lived on planet Earth and had fierce battles to fight.

God can reverse every negative element in His child's life and turn it into a positive. He just doesn't diffuse the circumstance, HE transfuses it.

Your God cares about you! He wants to show you what He can do with your life and your negative conditions.

He alone is the author of reversals

...ask the one who has begun a good work in you to complete it

Headaches

Why post about this? I don't know exactly. Writing tends to help me sort through thoughts in my head; whether they be thoughts I wanna remember, such as a great experience I just had, or sorting through emotions of a difficult situation. I guess this is the latter.

God, WHY?

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!

I have struggled with headaches/nausea/vomiting for, oh it's gotta be at least off and on twenty years now. It started around the time of Jr. High, give or take a few years. I believe it was just the vomiting at first, and so we saw doctors about my stomach. We then tried countless medications, some working for only a short time before doing nothing, others doing absolutely nothing, still others making me ten times worse. Yikes! The problem just kept getting worse. I believe at one point a doc said something about too much stomach acid. After a swallow test another doc noticed a vein in my neck near my esophagus making swallowing difficult.

I've gone through so many doctors giving one diagnosis after another. One that had me laughing....false pregnancy. ME: "HAHAHAHAHAA! Yeah Right! For NINE YEARS?!"
One doctor suggested it was stress (duh, hello? Did I not mention school (Jr. High, HS, College....disability on top of that?) I went in for a sleep study because it sounded like sleep apnea to one doctor. They first tried a medication that was supposed to put more oxygen through the bloodstream. That one left me with a severe tingly feeling in the left hand, face and lips. Scratch that! (that was rather spooky) I was pulled off of that medication. Enter the evil CPAP machine. Now I know what an elephant feels like! You ever tried one of those awful things? A small mask over the nose that forces air into your sinuses, and if you happen to open your mouth you feel like you are gasping for air! Well, I couldn't keep it on my face for the life of me. Seems after a few weeks, months....I would take it off in the middle of the night and I would not even remember doing it. (Yes, I sleep that hard, just TRY and wake me up! If you suceed.....DUCK and RUN for COVER! lol!!! Just kidding, but it is still not pretty. Just ask my mother)

I have had numerous surgeries to try and aleviate the problem headaches;
Hydrocephalus (water on the brain) and shunt placements, removals, revisions, a repair of a chiari malformation (portion of skull pressing on the brain), clearing of impacted sinuses (impacted with fluid to the point of near rupture), removal of a dermoid tumor (mass of hair, skin and fat from previous surgeries).

The headaches always came back...and with a vengeance!

Muscle relaxers - worked for a short time, as did everything else. I switched medications a few times, finally finding Amitriptylene, a God-send. Or so I thought up until a few weeks ago. Now I am not so sure. Maybe it is working some still, but definately NOT enough! Because of another medication I was taking for a short time, I was cut back to half a tablet becasue the two meds were in the same family and could react. I was nervous about cutting back. But a whole tablet was making me too drowsy, to a point I did not want to wake up in the morning and was tired alllll day.

I was recently switched from Tylenol, which was said to be horrible for my liver, to Ibuprofen. I was taking three Tylenol at a time, sometimes three times a day as two were doing nothing for me (Extra-strength for crying out loud). But doc switched me to Ibuprofen, and that was a bit weird. The first time I took two... I felt good, almost TOO good, lol! It sort of made me nervous. I thought it might have been too much (I just seemed TOO happy, LOL!). Now even two Ibuprofen are not cutting it, and the last time I took them three doses in one day did not help.

One of my doctors in Montana (who is a believer in Christ) said something to me that was a bit settling "it could be a combination of things causing them, therefore it could be a combination of things we try that get rid of them". Still, we have yet to find that combination!

Memory-foam pillow - not the fix I was hoping/praying for but I never sleep without it now!

Some time ago we bought me a bed that allows me to elevate the head and the legs.. Although still not the solution, it seemed to help a little. Though today no matter how high I get my head it makes no difference.

One doctor who operated on me for this problem joked he was going to buy a one-way ticket out of town if he couldnt figure out what was going on with me (he never did either one to my knowledge...but he has since retired).

It's crazy, but the pain is primarily on the right side, though its been known to fluctuate; from temple down back side of head and neck, occasionally entire back side of head, rarely is it both sides of head, but it has happened. Like somebeody kicked me in the head or stabbed me with a knife.

Could it be something up with my stomach that is causing headaches?
Eating? What I eat, when I eat? Time in between dinner and breakfast too far apart? I asked the doctor about my stomach causing headaches and all he said was that it could be possible, nothing more. Hmph!

I have had countless CT scans and MRI's done. Why, the most recent MRI came back negative and I was emotional on the way home. I was frustrated! I just want to be DONE with them! My favoreite phrase "I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!" About this time I remembered RA's song "None Compare' and the line "Can You see me in the valley?" Okay, the first time I heard this song it was right before my move back to California, and it fit a little better.

Is this the thorn in the flesh Paul was talking about? I wonder.
Why do I feel He is being so silent to my pleas for relief?!
I want to work. But who is going to hire someone who cannot get up beore 8am and is feeling miserable every morning? So I search for afternoon programs working with children, or volunteer in classrooms only a few days a week, setting my own time schedule.

Lord, I am done!

Homeless

"I'm the one on the corner, a bottle in my hand. Sayin' 'no one understands the path that led me to losing everything that I held dear'..."

The sign, etched on cardboard in black ink, said one word...."starving"; an older gentleman seated down by the San Diego bay, hair scruffy and white, clothes disheveled and dirty. Some distance more a woman in a power chair (my first thought was "Good grief, where does she charge the battery!?") holding yet another sign, only this time I didn't catch what it said.

How do you respond... By quickly turning your head and walking away thankful you're not one of them? Belittling them (in your mind or to their face) for the situation they put themselves in? Or do you grieve for them, praying to God on their behalf as you quietly walk past?

How DO you pray for them? Knowing you'll most likely never see them again, and wishing that one prayer, your prayer, could change the situation immediately?
DO you wonder what their stories are, what they did before they were homeless? Or how they became homeless in the first place?

I thought of my good friend Richard Andrew and his story. I'll tell you what, after meeting Richard and hearing his testimony...I think differently when I see someone on the street, seeking a helping hand.

Those questions I posed earlier? Before meeting Richard I was the one to
try to avoid eye contact, wondering what it was that put them in that situation. I was afraid to look at them, afraid of offending them somehow, wondering what they would think of me if I did look their way as I just walked past.

Growing up I was told never to give them money as you didn't know what they were really going to do with it, whether it was going to be spent on drugs and alcohol. I was young and so I guess it planted a negative impression in my mind. Until now. I met Richard almost two years ago, and then I watched this . Now that I am once again living in So. Cal. where the homeless population is more evident, I am the one, heart aching, praying that somehow things could change for them.

As I type this I am reminded of college and a spring break missions trip I took to Las Vegas with Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship a couple of years ago. We visited two outreaches for homeless and helped out with serving meals, cleaning, repairs....whatever was needed. I sat there quite unsure of what I was supposed to do as no one really assigned me a task...., quietly asking God what it was I could do. "Just love on them". I talked to a family whom I found out came in once a week for a meal - mom, dad, and nine-year-old daughter. That place was called 'The Upper Room'. The second place we went to that week, 'The Open Door'.

I have worked on this post intermittantly for a couple of hours now, sorting through my thoughts of today (of which I cannot get out of my mind) hanging out with family and then coming back to this post and finishing just before bed; and now as I lay in bed wonder.....where are they now, those two people I saw today? Are they fed, where are they sleeping, are they warm?

"....To the good and the faithful, won't you look on them with My eyes?"

KSGN's Making A Difference Tour

KSGN - Making a Difference Tour
Richard Andrew, Jadon Lavik, Raymond Gregory
Harvest Christian Fellowship --- Riverside, California

I was hoping to attend in person and was going to, even invited to sit front row until mom and dad had to go out of town on business. Drats. I was gonna get a t-shirt from Richard and have both my mom and I wear them together that night. I invited people to go too, and prayed about certain people going. But watched it online instead, and believe I had almost as much fun.

Raymond Gregory
Although his first song I wasn't crazy about his style or his voice, he even seemed a bit uncomfortable at first, by the second or third song I was really enjoying his music and he seemed to loosen up quite a bit. What a great sense of humor too, even in his music!
"As long as Your on my side, I'll be wealthy" ~ A song lyric of his that really jumped out at me tonight. And when I first heard 'Happily Married' on the radio, I will confess it wasn't a song I particularly cared for, only because I am not (yet, I hope? Hint hint Lord???) But for some reason, tonight it had a different feel, and I responded differently to it. I dunno, can't explain really.

Richard Andrew
Now *here's* the reason I watched tonight, and frankly I couldn't wait! Oh yeah, I coulda watched him aaaaallll night! I made a comment on the tour site about three o'clock this afternoon, going crazy because it was still four hours away! HaHA!
I had to laugh at myself really, I saw Richard up on stage getting ready to sing right after someone got up and said a few words, and I became r-e-a-l-l-y excited "There he is, there he is!" I'm such a nut!
"Knocking On Heaven's Door". God's telling me regarding my future and the plans that He has for me, "keep on asking, Keep on seeking, KEEP on knocking, whatever you do , don't give up!".
As he is singing an acoustic version "None Compare", my all-time FAVORITE song of his, he shares with the audience (I'm sure those online as well as in person) that God was speaking to someone. "He can see you in the valley, He can hear you call His name" Don't know if that was meant just for me, hope someone else got it too, but it still made me smile.
His drummer sure looked like he was having a blast! That was awesome to see! I know I was. I was trying to recline in my power chair while watching but it didn't work. I was sitting up in my chair having a grand ol' time, dancing and waving to his song 'Wave a Hand'. "I'm no longer the man I used to be. Thank God almighty I'm free at last I'm free......!"
I did not want his set to end!!! I secretly hoped he would even sing a new song, but was thankful for what he did sing tonight.I even sang along, I believe to all of them!

Greg Laurie, pastor of Harvest Christian Fellowship got up and gave a brief word just before Jadon Lavik was up to sing. Pastor Laurie spoke about the woman at the well. I have heard so many pastors preach on this. The one line I really remember and that spoke to me was "Jesus didn't point a finger at her failings."

Jadon Lavik
I am a new fan of Jadon Lavik. His music was crazy good! A little country, a little rock...... My most favorite song was "What If". Again, God really got me here. , something he's been speaking to me lately "I couldn't love you any more or less than I do". Other lines in his music that stuck out to me - "I surrender it all to you" and a line from his song 'I Just Want to Praise You' ~ "Daily I'm forgiven, daily I'm renewed"

I still can't believe, watching it online I still had that much fun. I still acted as though I was there in person, even though I was at home, in my room.

Home Recuperating

Anesthesiologist - "Your gonna feel pretty shitty afterward. Now, I can say this because it IS a medical term." My mout drops, in my thirty-some odd years of goign uunder the knife, I don't EVER remember a doctor using that kind of language. I had to laugh!

Before my surgery I refused to allow myself to get nervous. Yes, even after all these years going under the knife still gives me the jitters. Instead, I am singing 'None Compare' as I am being wheeled into the O.R. I guess I was more nervous about afterward...the outcome, and all that it woudl entail once its been done. After surgery - for some strange reason I came out singing 'Wave a Hand".

I came thru surgery with flying colors. Absolutely NO problems wiht my heart like i usually do (stupid tahycardia). But this time it went perfect. Coming home the next day looked prett promising. Friday after surgery I felt on top of the world. Haha, until Saturday afternoon.....my digestive system decided to shut down for a day and a half :( . Talk about bloated UGH! Somebody quick, stick me with a needle, I wanna POP! I don't even wanna eat. Which they say it was better I didnt if I did not feel hungry.

My cousin sends me a text asking how I was doing, and so I tell her what's going on. Her reply to me --- "maybe you need mexican food to get it going again" (We eat a lot of mexican food in this household).
(My reply to her ---"thats gotta be better than the crap they got here!" I wouldnt even touch one of the dinners it looked so bad!!!)
She texts me a reply again and Jim (her husband)says "Order a chimichanga and two rasp. ice teas" LOL! (a little inside joke)

You never get sleep while in the hospital. Why, every two hours the darn nurses came to make sure I turned on my side to avoid the possibility of pressure sores. ( a few times I told them to "leave me alone, I just got comfortable!" Some came in at 5 a.m. to take blood (LAME!) But they like to have the results on the doctors desks before they come into work a few hours later. How are we patients suppoed to heal with lack of sleep anyway?! Hmmmmmm?

I am now home. The first couple of days weren't bad. But this week has been borderline agonizing as the swelling goes down. I have been feelign a lot more pain this week. Trying to stay away from pain meds as the could aggravate the digestive issue I was having earlier. But extra strength Tylenol seems to be doing the trick just fine :D

In the meantime, I am sick of watching t.v., sick of reading, borderline sick of being on the computer.....and I WANNA be with my KIDDO's!!!! This recuperating thing is taking WAAAAAY to long!!!!!!

I see the doc on Monday. For post-op appointment.

Surgery - Crazily Enough, I am Quite Looking Forward to it!

'Can You see me in the valley?
Can You hear me call Your name?
You whisper "Do not be afraid, for Help is on the way" ' ~ None Compare, written by Richard Andrew

I am scheduled for surgery on my bladder feb 19th at 8a.m. They are prefornming two procedures in the same surgery. The crux of the surgery will be to place a supra-pubic tube just above the pelvic bone to drain the bladder into a leg bag. To also give my bladder added control (we hope), they are also taking a slice of skin from my hip to place under the bladder to act as a 'sling'. Over the years because of the spiuna bifida and increased curve in my spine, I have virtually ;lost all control. I am tired of spending half my day in the bathroom! And because of my lack of strength in my legs (due to fracturing both bones in my pper and lower leg) I do not have the strength I need for safe transfers. Crazily enough i am rather looking forward to this
The urinary diversion was discussed in months past, where doctors would take my apendix and route it to my bellybutton to use a catheter for emptying my bladder. In readign about the procedure online, I was a bit nerbvous as to reading all that it entails as well as pros and con's from patients who have had it done. Speakign with docots, especially my neurologist, it was advised that we try to avoid this surgery due to the risk of infection to my cranial shunt.
My docot whoi is performing the surgery. Awesome! Very warm and compassionate, cencerned for my needs, my fears and concerns, and most of all my desires. Unfortunately her husband could not fidn a job here in SD but outside the county, so she is no longer goign to be my doctor afterward. but she did say that sicne takign on my case she DOES want to remain my doctor until we see this thing through. She has introduced me to teh doctor who is taking over her practice here (a man) and I really feel comfortable with him as well. (Thank You Lord!) he will also be assisting during the surgery.
The past week or so I have been constantly asking God if this is the right thing to do. Somehow thinking that this would limit my dreams for the future, when in realyity....this could be the door TO them. "You could heal me lord". finishing up teh weekly homework for our Wednesday night Bible study, I came across something in the 'Notes' section of my Bible and how God sometimes uses medical intervention to bring about His healing.

Take my Will and make it Your own. I'm on my knees, letting go. Seeking more of You, finding less of me....and now I'm free, Take my will, let Your kindgdom come, let Your will be done ~ "Take My Will" written by Richard Andrew

A journal with various passages from the book of Psalms was given to me by my cousin for my birthday. i have been taking one page a week and really meditating on that page so as to really commit it to memory and not a "here today, gone tomorrow", kind of reading. In my quiet time this week three passages stuck out to me

Psalm 3:4-5 ~ I lay down and slept for the Lord sustained me
(difficulty with anesthetic due to tachycardia)
Psalm 4:6-8 ~ I go to bed and sleep in peace
(the word peace sticking out to me lately)
Because Lord, only You keep me safe
(felt like God's assurance he will watch over me during surgery)
Psalm 127:2 ~ the lord gives sleep to those He loves
("I love you Tryna, therefore I will protect you before, during, and after surgery")

Sermon - A Simple Thanksgiving

Dr. David Jeremiah – Shadow Mountain Community Church

Everything in my life is filtered through the loving hands of God
Humbled…or hardened?
Beauty in the simplest elements of life
When it’s dark enough, you see the stars
Consistency of God’s blessings dulls our attitude
2 Corinthians 11 – Apostle Paul, great teacher of gratitude
Giving thanks for our FAITH
2Cor. 9:15 – spontaneous praise; Ephesians 1:3
I know Jesus, therefore I am rich
The greatest thing God can do, bring me to Himself
Giving thanks for our FAMILY
2Timothy 1: 3, 5
One day you may wake up and realize the things you so desperately wanted are the things in which you already have
Giving thanks for your FRIENDS
Paul’s Epistles
Philippians 1:4 ; Romans 1:8 ; Ephesians 1:15, 16 ; Colossians 12:3, 4 ; 2Timothy 1:3 ; 1 Corinthians 1:4 ; Phil. 1:3 ; 1Thess. 1:2 ; 2Thess. 1:3
Giving thanks for our FINANCES
Phil. 4:10, 19 – 20 ; Psalm 68:19 ; Psalm 107:21 – 22
What is your perspective? (Book: Paradox of Choice – Why More is Less)
Giving thanks for our FUTURE
Col. 1:12 – 13
I have an incredible future; the BEST is yet to come!
Loss and pain open the door to gratitude

Focus on the Family and Veggietales creator Phil Vischer - When Dreams Die

Phil Visher
creator of Veggie Tales
(I am almost 35 and yes, I listen to VT, lolololol!!!)
Phil came face to face with the death of a dream, even after a wave of success
Noticed at a very early age God had given him the ability to tell stories
Made his first film at age eight
knew at 14that would be the work he would do for Christ,
three semesters of Bible college and dropped out, never made it to film school
computer animation
Talking vegetables that loved God
"God was using our efforts"***

people couldnt get along
sales stopped growing
everything he had built falling apart, lay-offs
dream that ended too soon
"I think this is about God and Phil"
Bible conference in Florida
Tape - sermon Rick Porter
"What does it mean when God gives you a dream, shows up in it, and it comes to life, without warning the dream dies?"

2 Kings 4 - Shunamite woman
holding the dream God gave her, dead in her arms
God wants to see what is more inportant to you, the dream...or Him.
Let go of your dreams
anything I am unwilling to let go of is an idol and I am in sin
Rather than finding my identity in my relationship with God I was finding it in my intense drive to do good work

wait on God
read the Bible and pray - no agenda
it took a few months
sense of giving up, his ambition dying, his will, hopes, dreams, life
God could have spared him from all this, but He didn't
It was about God and him; ambition, dreams, misplaced sense of identity and values, on the altar
Let everything go and rest in Him (he didn't want to write ...I didnt want to be the main pre-k teacher)
and then one night....ideas
Each one was derived from or during a time of waiting on God
Discovered once all the noise had faded away what he'd been missing all along
the impact God has planned for us does not occur wehn we are pursuing impact, but pursuing God.
"As the deer pants for the water so my soul pants for You oh God".
The most important thing I can do for God is not the work I can do for God, the most important thing is to make God the most important thing.
Start over....start on your knees.
In utter broken humility, holding everything loosely except God Himself

Do you dream of the work you can do for God (I do)
Do you carry ambitions for changing the world in His name
When you are ready to put them on the altar, to kill them, to let them go, to live your whole life without them resting solely in your relationship with God, you are ready to be used by Him.


God allows us to come to a place of complete brokenness where there is no end in sight, we cannot fix things...and then somehow He rebuilds us stronger and better, all for His glory.
He didn't know how, when or even IF God would use his gift again.
Humbly declare Gods sovereignty, right in the middle of the unknown.
Trust Him evven when you cannot see the solution



And now I think I'll go listen to VeggieTales

Boundaries

A couple of weeks ago I started attending a singles Bible Study @ Skyline church. My cousin encouraged me to attend (she was thinking dating purposes, me just getting to know people in the church and hopefully close to my age). Anyway, the church bulletin gave the description that it ws going to be on 'When to say yes, When to say no'. Not sure wshat to think, but okay. I get there and it is 'Boundaries in Dating'. Great. "Okay God, I don't know what to think. I will stick with it and see where You lead". Little did I know I just played an excercise in faith.
I was getting some stuff from this study, however, weeks into it and I still was a bit uncomfortable. After all, the only date I had ever been on was a blidn date set up by two mutual friends. That night? Just plain awkward! The next couple of weeks, thoughts were flooding my mind.
Doe God truly have someone out there for me?
Why have I had to wait so long (its got me believing I am to remain single)
My desire - God given?
My disability and all it entails - afraid it scares them off.

Here's where it gets interesting...

The group decides that it is better to start at the first book in the 'Boundaries' series (it goes from everyday relationships...family, friends... on up to boundaries with children). Oh My GOODNESS!!! I am lovin it! I am getting so much MORE from this first book - Boundaries - 'When to Say Yes, How to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life'
So far I am learning about breaking free from others control (how am I supppose to learn how to make decisions...even the RIGHT ones, when you are making them FOR me?!), seeking my own identity, and taking control of MY life. For quite a while now I havne't felt like I have had much if any control.

One week I was sitting in class thinking about the transition "okay, why the switch God?" I swear I heard His response in the back of my head say "It got you in here didnt it?" I almost burst out laughing right then and there!

But seriously, now the hardest part is talking to specific people about what I am learning, and praying they receive it well.

Prayer - Pastor Ed Noble

Visited my cousins church, Journey, today. Worship was okay, but the message was fantastic. Throughout his message on prayer, I starred points that really spoke to me. LOL! I looked back after the message and saw that I had starred every single point he made!

OUR PRAYER: Lord, teach us to pray

....invitaion to walk a little ways toward a new normal

BIG POINT OF THE WEEKEND - Prayers true self is rel=vealed wehn we enjoy ...we cant stop learning, or relearning 'til we are there.

COACH US UP: Luke 11 (5&6)
Lord's Prayer

Shamelessness - Bring your real self, your whole self
never pretend with God

Luke 11:7&8 - persistence
barefaced, audacity, shamelessness

Body
Imaginagination
Intellect
Emotions - cant but must be there
Bring the WHOLE Package

HEART - Avoid the danger of losing heart (Luke 18:1)
ask
seek
knock
EVERYONE who asks receives..... - Luke 11:9&10

I have what I have to love God with

Ask God to move

Problem side - Dissappointment, unbelief, ignorance
Solution side - Togetherness and focus

Reminder: You have to fight for Joy/happiness

Holy Spirit - Something done TO you more than BY you
Luke 11:11-13

God gives GOOD gifts

Fire (passion, intensity) Spiritual gifts
Spiritual Longing Healing
Taking us deeper Leading/Prompting

God delights to give us Himself so we can share his delights
Delight yourself in the law of the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.
~Psalm 37:4

Often, we must stand under the unimaginable mysteries of God
Richard Foster

GOD, give us what we really, ultimately need - You!

My Trip to Seattle

Wow am I ever behind on posts lately. A lot has been happening and I guess my mind is a bit frazzled! Here's a partial update. More posts to come.

The primary reason we were in Seattle a while back was so that I could get a second opinion on some medical issues I have been dealing with for years, but have grown considerably worse in the past few months. It turned out to be a great thing seeing a specialist, and a bit emotional for some of us (mom). I was amused at the very beginning as we waited in a room after a medical test and the first words out of her mouth when she opened the door were, "Your (certain part of the human anatomy)'s crap. I have never had a docotr put it so bluntly before, I had to laugh.
Mom and I are extremely glad we went although now comes the hardest part, deciding if I want to do surgery or not. Physially, I am not in any danger if I decide to do nothing. but the surgery that would be done (as the test ruled out a few other options)is rather involved. The final outcome would be awesome for me, but the thought of going through surgery again.... :P (sticking tongue out)
Meanwhile, I am thinking.....and praying!

So after the appointment, I had a couple of extra days - to have fun! Mom and I ate at the Cheesecake Factory one night for dinner. The dinner was AWESOME! (I can't even remember what I had now, dangit!) Another nights dinner my brother took us to a restaraunt where they served 'Pho", pronounced 'Fuh'. Ohhhhhh was that ever gooooooooood! My tastebuds were doing the happy dance! Of course I ate way more than my stomach thought it could handle.

One afternoon we went on the 'Duck Tours' in Seattle. The 'Ducks' were hybrid vehicles (front end jeep, back end boat) that go on water AND land. It was neat to see where the t.v. show 'Cheers' was filmed. We also saw where they filmed "Sleepless in Seattle". The whole time we were on the tour the captain played themed music while giving the tour. It was great!

My brother attends Mars Hill church near his home. I had been there a few times when visiting and we went again this trip. The worship is simmiliar to CLC's worship. The pastor is great! He was preaching a series on Trial: 8 Witnesses from 1st and 2nd Peter. There was even a study guide. It was the first week of this new series and it really hit home for me. The stage was even made to look like the inside of a detectives office.

Pastor Jim Hicks (CLC) - Too Late is Never Too Late

I didn't make it to church Saturday night, the young woman whom I go with had somewhere else she had to be. I missed service this morning because my aide had overslept her phone is her alarm clock adn she forgot to take it off vibrate). I listened to both messages online, one last night before bed and one this afternoon. Our Saturday night pastor just happened to be speaking in our Sunday morning service as he sometimes does. I had to post this up here as it is another message I want to come back to often. Shoot, I had to listen to this message twice because it was so amazing.


Too Late is Never Too Late ---Pastor Jim Hicks

Too late is never too late even when circumstances aren’t going our way
Luke 8:40
Full of faith and trust in what God is going to do
God transcends time
Expectancy within our hearts for what God can do among us
God stuff some expectation, belief in us
Vs. 41
Desperation = great motivator to take us to God
Vs. 42
How many times have we had something in our head and it didn’t go that way?
Vs. 43
Too late is never too late even when others say it is over/ will never happen
Woman with the flow of blood
“Daughter, your faith has made you well, go in peace”.
Saying all along, “God will work this out”.
What am I telling myself, what am I listening to?
Look at what God has said, not what others have said
“She touched the hem of His garment”
Even when it was over, she believed Him
Vs. 44
She touched (grabbed) a hold of His garment
She had some action to her faith
When we stop believing or acting on what God has put before us, THEN it is over
KEEP GOING TO JESUS!!!
Vs. 45
The source of power – “It is not too late” - is in Jesus Christ
Come with our faith today, “Lord I want to press into you today”
Do what you need to do to press through to Him, no “microwave” prayers
Jesus is that answer
Praying through
Don’t let things destroy me
Vs.47 – 48
“Daughter” Go in peace (rescue, completeness) your faith has healed you
Lord, give me that same kind of faith today!
49 – 56
Too late is never too late even when natural hope is gone
Vs. 49
Our belief will cause us to do crazy things
Pastor Hicks “We will stalk (pursue) our future wife if we believe that is the one we want”
When things are not going well, can we still place ourselves at the mercy and trust of God?
Vs. 50
Jesus - “Do not be afraid any longer. Only believe….”
God, help us to build an atmosphere of faith and an atmosphere of belief no matter what we are facing
Vs. 51
Building an atmosphere of faith
Negative-‘ectomy’ – Jesus took the negative out of the room
Vs. 52
“Stop weeping, she has not died, but is asleep.”
He didn’t let their stuff stop what He wanted to do”
He saw something others didn’t see
Jesus wants to grab whatever is dead in your life and say “Arise!”
Return of the Spirit of God to the vision for what’s ahead
TOO LATE IS NEVER TOO LATE with GOD –Not because of who we are but of who He is
It’s the grace of God that He wants to pour into our lives