It's Tough Being a Woman.....week 8

Often, when we thrill to the realization of a call from God, we picture going from our faces to our feet as He increasingly elevates our position. The reverse however, is often truer in the earthly realm.

(Esther 8:3)

Esther had come to royal position for such a time as this

To accomplish our call, we must be humbled far more than exalted, though God certainly lifts up His faithful servant in due time

somewhere deep inside our selfish selves we really don't believe that life is all about us

...whose passion for God only swells with time, hitting it's highest pitch with the last breath
I want this passion!

1Sam 8:20 - begging God for a human "king" who would lead me and go out before me and fight my battles. I didn't see my request as a replacement for God. I spiritualized my quest for an earthly hero by agreeing to see him as a gift from God.

He (God) not only see the desires of our hearts, but He also looks straight into the heart of our desires and knows when we are asking - even accidentally - for a false Christ

God is jealous for our true enduring hero to be His own Son. He answers my prayers to love Jesus above all else by allowing someone to disappoint me and prove insufficient for me

Sometimes God wants to show us what we can do rather than let us find someone who can do it for us

sometimes you and I are looking for someone to stand up and do what God wants us to do

...wanted someone to step in and break the chain of bondage....instead God started that process by breaking me

****...one reason God dissuades us from making champions of human kind is to keep us from falling in love with the night and paying no worship to the glorious Son.****

Sometimes God calls us to wait

Every morning God already knows each joy and concern that our day holds

God's timing is perfect

we must learn to fight an invisible enemy (Eph. 6:10-17) Sometimes we're exactly where we are meant to be - right in the middle of our spiritual Canaan - yet God tests us there to teach us a new level of warfare

One of the hardest parts of being a mother or a mentor is watching our children face a battle we can't fight for them. If God is going to raise our children to be mighty warriors of the faith, He must be free to teach them to fight. ....how can the person experience the exhilaration of victory in a battle they never had to fight. (mom)

Some of us with little previous battle experience have no idea why God is allowing us to go through such difficult times in a place we thought was His will.

God's trying to make warriors out of us

we are guaranteed the victory

God's providence is the theme of Esther, the absence of His obvious activity invites us to imagine the divine activities behind the scene. If we could only see what is happening around us in the unseen realm, our eyes would nearly pop out of socket.
(my water-baptism)

God wasn't forced to think up something new when the book of Malachi rolled to a close and the Gospel o Matthew pounded on His door. God's plan for Israel hadn't fallen through the cracks between Testaments.
(God's plan for me wasn't thwarted when I was moved from Montana back to California)

He will mount the fastest horse in the King's stables and burst through the barriers of human sight and sound with the armies of heaven "following Him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen white and clean (Rev. 19:1) "On His robe and on His thigh He will have written the name King of Kings and Lord of Lords (Rev. 19:16)

Every single time we pray the familiar words "Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven", we are praying for Christ to return in all His majesty.

We never have to leave the King's presence

And remember, "I am with you always, to the end of the age". (Matt. 28:18-20

When a time of happiness comes, I think we outght to take it and run

We often speak of happiness as a less noble term than joyfulness because the former is circumstantial and the latter less conditional.....but when God intervenes in our circumstances and we get a chance not only to know we're blessed but feel blessed, nothing is more appropriate than seizing the happy moment.
(thinking of my experience with RA and his music, "Lord, am I making too much of this?" His response "No, take it and run babe!"

...it is meant by God to be medicine for our weary souls. Times of happiness are glimpses of Heaven until we get there

God tookHis children's mourning, fasting, weeping, and wailing adn turned it into a time of happiness, joy, gladness and honor

Yahweh, the faithful covenant GOd, reversed every negative of His threatened people and turned it intop a postivice

God's people didn't suddenly aquire perfect conditions, they still lived on planet Earth and had fierce battles to fight.

God can reverse every negative element in His child's life and turn it into a positive. He just doesn't diffuse the circumstance, HE transfuses it.

Your God cares about you! He wants to show you what He can do with your life and your negative conditions.

He alone is the author of reversals

...ask the one who has begun a good work in you to complete it

It's Tough Being A Woman.....week 6

Just to know we are significant to God and He's willing to orchestrate a holy set-up to speak to us is monumental to every woman who ever feared she was invisible or unremarkable.

If our ears were opened to hear them, the sounds of angelic activity would be deafening

All sorts of things are happening in the Heavenlies around us

Esther ch. 6 - the Jews in Susa, terrified and far from the temple, had no idea how close God was

Sometimes Christ walks through our crisis dressed in the best disguise of all: ordinary events. He tucks a miracle in the fold of his robe and sweeps in and out unnoticed. Only in retrospect do we realize that a divine visitation graced our cold, crude winter and the ressurection of spring is on it's way.

Oh for the wosdom of God to know that if the answer comes to early, we'd miss His greatest act.

Sometimes, when God takes our sleep, He simply has something to say

God desires my company

Just to know we are significant to Him and He's willing to orchestrate a holy set-up to speak to us is monumental

God is deeply attentive to our most secret hurts, concerns and hopes

When the God of all creation reserves a remark for you, Beloved, that's all you need to be remarkable

We, like Haman, might be to self-absorbed and self-convinced to realize that we've become someone we can't stand

If we have a heart for Christ and an authentic desire to pursue godliness, lessons like these become protection as much as conviction

Luke 19:38 - a kingship conferred by God alone

Gen. 2:9...becoming fixated on the one thing they couldn't have, cheating themselves out of the goodness and creativity God offered

Glance over at your Bible. Think what you've been through with God in those pages. Think of the hope, guidance, assurance, and affection you've sought. Think how thankful you are that God wrote something you can hold to your chest, rocking back and forth, when your heart is shattered and your sight too bluured to read

We learn from scripture as much as what we don't want to be as what we do

haman was suffering from a case of mistaken identity

Prov. 18:6,7

Pride is a state of the heart that, sooner or later, is betrayed by the mouth
(Matt. 12:34)God created man with an undeniuable heart-mouth connection. .....what's in the heart will inevitably come out the mouth

In His grace, however, God always provides a way of escape

We might glean several things from Mordecai's example. If we get overlooked for affirmation or promotion, so be it. Let's just do our job. If we get elevated and celebrated, so be it. Let's just do our jobs. Let's pursue a walk with God so close that the spotlights of this world - be they for us or against us - are eclipsed by His enormous shadow cast on our path

...free to be neither depressed nor impressed with the capricious reactions of this carnal world.

Luke 19:30-38
a kingship fonferred by God alone

...goodness and creativity God offered

The Bible....Think of what you've with God in those pages. Think of the hope, guidance, assurance and affection you've sought. Think hosw thankful you are that God wrote something you can hold to your chest, rocking back and forth when your heart is shattered and your sight too blurred to read.

We learn as much from Scripture about what we don't want to be as what we do.

Haman was suffering from a chronic case of mistaken identity.

Prov. 18:6 - 7

Pride is a state of the heart that, sooner or later, is betrayed by the mouth. Matt. 12:34 "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks"God created man with an undeniable heart-mouth connection.

In His grace, however, God always provides a way of escape

We might glean a few things from Mordecai's example. If we get overlooked for affirmation or promotion, so be it. Do your job. If w get elevated and celebrated, then so bie it. Let's just do our jobs. Let's pursue a walk with God so close that the spotlight of this world- be they for us or against us - are eclipsed by His enormous shadow cast on our path.

....free to be neither depressed nor inpressed with the capricious reaction of this carnal world.

We can find our signifigance and satisfaction in the shelter of the Most High.

Lee Sizemore produced ovrt 100 (biblestudy) series and with numerous authors. Without exaggeration, God used one individual to alter the entire landscape of Christian discipleship as we know it. And here's the catch. He did it all from a wheelchair. He'd been all over the world in that crazy chair to tape Biblestudies.
He poured himself out like a drink offering , often amid physical discomfort and pain - so that peoplecould learn how to know Christ through Gods Word.

Sometimes we wait and wait for God to move, then when He does, we protest that He is moving too fast. Our cries "Lord, why do You wait?" turn into "Lord, wait!"

It's Tough Being A Woman....week 5

The Gold Scepter
God ~ "Reach out and take hold of your destiny!"

Esther 5:2
When he saw Queen Esther standing in the court, he was pleased with her and held out to her the gold scepter that was in his hand. So Esther approached and touched the tip of the scepter.

(Esther 4:16 ~ If I perish, I perish)

session four - face our worst fears
the enemy and our own self-destructive natures combine to taunt us with "what if's". Once we are in Christ, Satan has no authority to destroy us.

Once Satan sees what we believe would be the end of us, he threatens and torments us with it. (Prevents us from being all God wants us to be

Our conditional trust positions us as negotiators and beggars before God instead of secure children

.....secure children who trust their lives to the faithful Father

When fears become reality, we are devistated, thinking God is unfaithful. Satan essentially gets what he wants - us to believe that life is over. Unless opur belief system chages, it is! (Prov. 23:7 As a man thinks in his heart, so is he)
we are free and safe to voice our worst nightmares to God

...trust Him no matter what (this wil only make us stronger)

most of what we fear never happens

Our only steadfast defenses against life's certain uncertainties is unconditional trust in a Savior who loves us more than his own life

If....Then statements

If surgery Then God will take care of me
If I doubt Then God has a plan
If no job Then God desires to accomplish something monumental in me
If singleness Then Gods going to demonstrate His sufficiency to me
If I perish Then God will welcome me in Heaven

Clearly she appeard before Xerxes as none other than the Queen of the vast Persian empire
(with confidence)
(Approaching God's throne)

How often does our own King hold out the scepter of approval and though we inch forward in timid approach we chose not to reach out and touch it?.....who knows what mighty deliverance is at hand!
Rev. 22:16 - 17 ~ "Come!"

(Esther 4:16) Esthers actions were illegal

Xerxes knew something was wrong based on her demeanor and not just her broken protocol

"....What troubles you Hagar?" Gen. 21:17
"What ails you....?" Psalm 114:5

He (God) asked her (Esther) what was troubling or ailing her (Tell God)

Sometiems God is more aware than we of just how much He requires of us. He knows how hard it's going to be for us.

I persist becasue it appears to be God's will (talking about her speaking and writing)

When you blow it, do you wait a long time before trying again? Do you feel teh need to always make an 'A'?

....sometimes just surviving certain tasks without falling apart is our best and in those times, God is not ashamed of our performance. He's proud of us for fighting overwhelming human emotions to do His will. He is intersted in our heartsHe loves our willingness and obedience despite our insecurities

Man is still God's prized creation and most valued treasure

...deny ourselves,; our selfishness, ambition, pasts, or any damaged emotions the right to cheat us of His far higher plans for us

He's just not willing to leave things dead

Any time God calls us to die, his purpost is to reveal larger life (Me:"What could possibly be greater in Ca than here in Mt?")

Esther 5:9 - what is troubling beyond coincidence is that the Jews were at their lowest

A frightening circumstance may remain exactly the same, but God's child need not

A terrifying thing had ha[[ened while evil basked in its success: prayer and fasting. A godless man had no idea teh well of divine power a person cvould access from praying knees. There abides the drink that can stady the legs of a lamb led to slaughter while a wolf howls proudly nearby.

(If I didn't move to Montana/California, look what I might have missed.)

Courage is not eh absence of fear, but doign whatever it is inspite of fear.

One reason we desperate;ly need to know our standing in God's eyes is so that we are not consumed with high standing in our own eyes or the eyes of others.

We can serve from our knees on earth becasue we are seated with the King in heaven

God compiled the whole cannon of Scripture to teach us about human nature as well as His nature. God's full intent is for us to view them side by side.

....wants us to know He is God asd we are not. He also wants us to see who we were meant to be when he formed us in His image

Discontent with selfishness and weary of ego, we finally become willing to lose ourselves to something greater ....we find Christ as we've never known Him. ....and startle to discover that part o fourselves resembles Him.
(2Pter 1:3-4)

Haman's boasts (his wealth, status, ) Apparently, the only ones who goty to talk were those who talked about him.

...letting my preoccupation with one person steal teh joy that countless others brought me (people younget than me, getting married, having children)
...mental preoccupation.... we serve whatever masters us

our bondage, stronghold, can be a person.... he or she consumes an excessive and unhealthy spot in our thoughts, whether negative or positive. The individual may be someone
we are attracted to, feel threatedned or defeated by
whose approval eludes us, or whose happiness consumes us (Gal. 1:10)
whome we adore, despise, or far more complexly, both. Our problem peoplle are ofent those we "love" one moment and "hate" the next

We form mental strongholds towards those who won't give us what we want or need

Somewhere along eh way we felt emotionally masterd by the. Our thoughts abotu the person emotionally mastered us

....do what is necessary to bring our thoughts capitve to the knoweledge of God
(2Cor 10:5)

(Lord, I wanted -or felt I needed- this person to change, instead, change me!)

root of preoccupation? My own insecurities with myself

God is the only one who can tend to the secret places

Admit we have an area of brokenness

Discontent with selfishness and weary of ego, we finally become willing to lose ourselves to something greater. In doign so, we find Christ as we've never kmown Him.

"Grow up and get over yourself, it's not all about you!"

Prov. 4:23
Isaiah 26:3 - "peace"

It's Tough Being a Woman....week 3

Instead of going ahead and feeling the pain, processing it before God, and letting Him heal us, sometimes we opt for a trade-in

...one woman overtaken by the love of Christ can reach past her limited vision

God has the tenacious love to stick with me and help this chronic weakling grow stronger.

...willing to let God show us where meanness originates, and let Him tend to us in that area of brokenness

Trust that time is God's alone to give

Satan has a limmited leash where believers are concerned, his most powerful tactics are psychological. Though he can't posess our minds, he profoundly and destructively influences our thoughts. He would love nothing better than to see me forfeit my joy...by taunting me to futile speculations. (Rom. 1:21
We must catch the Enemy in the act and call it what it is, and keep him from what he wants. David...pledged himself to fear no evil

The Diaspora Jews did not know if God was with them or not

Haman alludes to the Jews in vague terms, making them anonymous, indefinite, and depersonalized. It is easier to kill an abstraction than a person. God call us by name. Satan and his hordes see us as numbers. (tattoos of Jews in Hitler's death camps)

One of Satan's primary agenda's, not to let us enjoy the rest Christ has given us. (Matt. 9:36)

God never takes His eyes off us or off the clock ticking over us.

John 10:10

Our enemy seeks to steal our lives and everything of value to us. (me, my dreams)

The beautifully frustrating part of Satan's insatiable bloodlust is that ultimately he cannot have what he wants. In reality, he cannot destroy even one of us who belongs to God through Christ Jesus. Satan is bereft of the power he wants most.

Satan can't win and you can't lose.

It's Tough Being A Woman...week 2

When the seemingly unshakeable shakes, wer're twice as shaken
(she said this in reference to when vulnerability breaks a tough exterior, but I looked at it through my own situation of leaving Montana. I thought I never would, I thought I saw things coming together.....instead I felt they were falling apart.)

God sometimes allows our confusion to coax us into further study of the entire word.

The book of Esther will seem to pick the scabs off some of the wounds our culture has inflicted on us, but....GOd will also use it to clean those wounds so they can heal

Those of us who know Jesus personally live under Divine rule where all us girls get to be princesses

He (God) sees sees something much deeper than her physical desirability

Many of the Jews had all but forgotten God in their daily disciplines, but He had not forgotten them. GOd would soon prove He had never taken his hand off of them. They may have forgotten their identity, but He hadn't.

One of GOd's purposes in this Journey (of Esther I presume) is to help us recapture both our identity and identification as His children.....so that we can be influential.

GOd used Wsther's anonimity, bu only as a means toward a far-from-anonymous end.

Heb. 2:11 Christ is not ashamed of us.

....the kind of King who gives a woman dignity instead of taking it. A King whose commans are always for our good and whose ways are always toward our wholeness

When was the last time it was your turn? You know the feeling I am talking about: when you're next. You've dreaqmed about it (future) You've longed for it (dreams) You've dreaded it (what might not be) You've run from it (Mt. back to Ca.)
(when IS it my turn. I'm seeing others dreams a reality.....)

Heb. 6:10-12
.....through faith and patience we will inherit the promises of God

Sometimes the Providence of God can be defined as times when God trumps your perfectly good plan with one of His own...then seems to dissappear from it. Take heart beloved, He's right there and He's there right!

It's Tough Being A Woman... week 1

Bible Study - Esther: It's Tough Being a Woman
(I wasn't going to post about this but...... something compells me to)

Thsi is my second Beth Moore study, my first being a study on David: A Man After God's own Heart, and I have even heard her speak in person. I love Love LOVE what God speaks through her! In the beginning, trying to decide what study to do at our church and my mother had pretty much decided for us, lol! I can't remember now which one I wanted to do, but I am SO glad we did Beth's. It was slow at first, but by week four I was all into it!

HIGHLIGHTS

Intro:
God's name isnt in it (book of Esther), but the hand of God is all over it
The book of Esther offers tremendous hope
Providence of God ~ God conceived as the power sustaining and guiding human destiny
He's in the mundane and trivial. To God, nothing happens by chance

Week 1:
Not so much our story as God's story. It becomes ours as He writes us into it.
Esther was more than just a pretty face
Let God tend to your insecurities
(not finding a job just yet, not living in my own place, friends living in different states, frustrated with health)
Stay open to all the ways God wants to speak to you about becoming more secure in your world
(I've had to repent for not allowign God to speak freely, and not just the ways in which I think He sould)
...moments in your own life that seemed unconnected to anything God was doing at the time, but ended up crucial in your own story
...even negative moments of decision, encounter, or action can become treacherous steppingstones to a grand Kingdom destiny.
He is never more present than when God seems strangely absent
Sometimes, there in the hiddeness, God builds a woman she'd never otherwise become
Brought up by Mordecai, her cousin (thought this was ironic being that I have lived with my cousin for almost a year now)

Surgery - Crazily Enough, I am Quite Looking Forward to it!

'Can You see me in the valley?
Can You hear me call Your name?
You whisper "Do not be afraid, for Help is on the way" ' ~ None Compare, written by Richard Andrew

I am scheduled for surgery on my bladder feb 19th at 8a.m. They are prefornming two procedures in the same surgery. The crux of the surgery will be to place a supra-pubic tube just above the pelvic bone to drain the bladder into a leg bag. To also give my bladder added control (we hope), they are also taking a slice of skin from my hip to place under the bladder to act as a 'sling'. Over the years because of the spiuna bifida and increased curve in my spine, I have virtually ;lost all control. I am tired of spending half my day in the bathroom! And because of my lack of strength in my legs (due to fracturing both bones in my pper and lower leg) I do not have the strength I need for safe transfers. Crazily enough i am rather looking forward to this
The urinary diversion was discussed in months past, where doctors would take my apendix and route it to my bellybutton to use a catheter for emptying my bladder. In readign about the procedure online, I was a bit nerbvous as to reading all that it entails as well as pros and con's from patients who have had it done. Speakign with docots, especially my neurologist, it was advised that we try to avoid this surgery due to the risk of infection to my cranial shunt.
My docot whoi is performing the surgery. Awesome! Very warm and compassionate, cencerned for my needs, my fears and concerns, and most of all my desires. Unfortunately her husband could not fidn a job here in SD but outside the county, so she is no longer goign to be my doctor afterward. but she did say that sicne takign on my case she DOES want to remain my doctor until we see this thing through. She has introduced me to teh doctor who is taking over her practice here (a man) and I really feel comfortable with him as well. (Thank You Lord!) he will also be assisting during the surgery.
The past week or so I have been constantly asking God if this is the right thing to do. Somehow thinking that this would limit my dreams for the future, when in realyity....this could be the door TO them. "You could heal me lord". finishing up teh weekly homework for our Wednesday night Bible study, I came across something in the 'Notes' section of my Bible and how God sometimes uses medical intervention to bring about His healing.

Take my Will and make it Your own. I'm on my knees, letting go. Seeking more of You, finding less of me....and now I'm free, Take my will, let Your kindgdom come, let Your will be done ~ "Take My Will" written by Richard Andrew

A journal with various passages from the book of Psalms was given to me by my cousin for my birthday. i have been taking one page a week and really meditating on that page so as to really commit it to memory and not a "here today, gone tomorrow", kind of reading. In my quiet time this week three passages stuck out to me

Psalm 3:4-5 ~ I lay down and slept for the Lord sustained me
(difficulty with anesthetic due to tachycardia)
Psalm 4:6-8 ~ I go to bed and sleep in peace
(the word peace sticking out to me lately)
Because Lord, only You keep me safe
(felt like God's assurance he will watch over me during surgery)
Psalm 127:2 ~ the lord gives sleep to those He loves
("I love you Tryna, therefore I will protect you before, during, and after surgery")

What A Day!!! :D

Wednesday was the frst morning in at least three weeks that I had been to JUMP Preschool. After so many times as a volunteeer to see if I liked it, they require a background check before you return. It could take weeks for this to go through (ugh!). The director said she would call me when this happened.
Weeks go by and I haven't heard anything, but I resist the urge to call. She said she would call me when everything was okay'd. One day last week I finally went with the urge and called her office. She was glad I finally called as she had erased the message on the answering machine that had my phone number. Besides, the background check came back a-okay after only one week. Was I ready to start that Wednesday? HECK YEAH!!!!!
Immediately upon my arrival into one of the classrooms one little boy rushed right over to me (kind of a hop/jog sorta) and gave me a great big bear hug! Three more children from another class also did the same. I was so glad that they remebered who I was!!!
There were only three two-year-olds in their class today. 2 of the two years olds were actually interested in me, and cracked me up! (The third being sick and sleeping on teh couch). One of the little girsl was blabbering away, abotu what you had no idea as you could not understadn a WORD of what she said!!! (Oh how i WISH I could!) And LAUGH!!! Oh I love hearing the laughter of children. I would laugh at what they did which made them laugh....which made ME laugh even harder! AT onbe poin you hear me saying "alright!" as I was LOVING teh interaction with them. Before you know it, I had a little copycat. "AWIIIGH!", two-year-olds version of "ALRIIIGHT!") And both of them would not stop smiling at me :D the entire time I was with them.
My mother, cousin and I are in a new biblestudy - Beth Moore's study on Esther, "It's Tough Being a Woman". We missed the first three weeks of it, but last night being our first and I was rivetted. I got sooooooo much out of it! I took notes like a mad woman, along with filling in the information in our workbooks. Afteward, i got to thinking, "If this is how its going to be every week, I am in for the ride of my life!!!" I LOVED it!