MY GOD IS........ (A Thanksgiving Reflection)

reading 'Satisfy My Thirsty Soul'
one of the excercises ~ making a list of the attributes of God from A to Z.
Some letters are easier than others, some take no time to list, some I can only think of one word, others.....wow. Takes some time (after half an hour my brain was fried, and yet after I laid it aside and did other things, words still came to mind....faster than I could write them down!)ere it is, even weeks after I started my list and as I type this, words are coming to mind. I thought I would post it here, as it seemed somehow fitting for Thanksgiving.
(Some letters were more difficult than others)

MY GOD IS........
Awesome, my All In All, Amazing, Annointed One, Adored, Adonai, Abba, Anchor, Ancient of Days, Alpha, Able,
Beautiful,Beginning and End, Blessed, Beloved, Brilliant, Breath
Christ, Creator, Coming, Caring, Chosen, Compassionate, Captivating, Conqueror, Comforting, Counselor,
Deliverer, my Delight, Destiny, Defender Divine,
Eternal, Excellent, Everlasting, Ever-Present,Emmanuel(God with us),
Father, Forever, Faithful, Forgiving, Friend, Freedom, First and the Last, Fabulous, Fantastic,
God, Great, Glorious, Giver, Good, Grace,
Helper, Healer, Holy, High-and-exalted, Holy, Hosannah,
Immeasurable, Infallible, Immutable, Impartial, Infinite, Incomprehensible,
Just, Joy, Jealous, Jehovah,
King, Kinsman Redeemer, Kind,
Lord, Lover, Listener, Leader, Laughter, Life,
Master, Maker, Messiah, Mentor, Mercy, Mighty, Motivator, Messenger,
Never-sleeping
Omniscient, Omnipresent, Overwhelming, On-time,
Present, Patient, Papa, Passionate, Pure, Prince of Peace, Powerful, Pursuer,
Quiet
Rescue, Radiant, Redeemer,
Savior, Sovereign, Sweet, Searcher of Hearts, Sufficient,
Truth, Trust, Timely, Transcendant of time and space, Tremendous,
Understanding, Unfathomable, Unchanging,
Victorious
Wreckless love, Wellspring of life, Wonderful, Worthy,
X
YHWH
Z

I Yelled at God Last Night

(please excuse the tardiness of this post as it's been a few days in the making)

WEEEEEEEEE!!! His Love IS Amazing!

I had expected to take meds for weeks before seeing results, and within days felt phenomenal. Almost three weeks went by and no pain, nausea, nothing! =D I took a bold step of faith (I thought so anyway) and shared with a friend who was writing a song along those same lines. The day after I wrote that however, ...........miserable! Headache, nausea, vomiting... For three hours could not keep a thing down, even the meds that were supposed to stop it. I was angry, “THIS ISN’T FAIR! Why get my hopes up,…..again!?” I want to work, I want to afford to DO things, I don’t want to be stuck at HOME!” Yes, I was yelling, screaming, and crying and even beating my pillow… yet, somehow, sensed He completely understood (why did I still feel so guilty?). I felt two strong hands- one on each of my shoulders- and a still, small voice quietly nudges it’s way in, telling me instead of wallowing in that one miserable day, I could choose to rejoice in those two weeks I had (“but I want MORE God!”). The next week was a rollercoaster, both physically as we try to regulate medication and emotionally because I am just so done with this nonsense!
Meanwhile…….children are my sanity (okay, them and my dog, I have to giver her credit)
Why can’t Sundays be every day? Truly? I cannot get enough of being with the ‘Elevate’ ministry at our church. I think I am the favorite. We have a game with yarn balls; set a time limit and see who can get the most on the other side of the room. The side with the least amount of yarn balls on their side wins. It often turns into who can pelt Tryna with the most! I LOVE IT!!! On one occasion, unbeknownst to me, I arrived home with three of them stashed behind my back. Maybe that’s why my back felt so good afterwards, Haha!
But last Sunday I was in no mood for children, I was in no mood for God (I scared even myself with that one!). I went to church because I knew it was the right thing to do, maybe it would get my mind off of all of this nonsense. Worship was agony. This is highly unusual coming from someone who’s favorite part of the church service is the worship portion, and who wishes she could spend the entire service just in worship alone. (A time or two in my church in Montana, that’s exactly what we did. Even in the college group I was involved in. Some nights were devoted strictly for worship. L<3ved it). My mind wasn’t even on the message that morning. I took notes as I always do, to help me to pay attention. That didn’t help. I was distracted. My mind was somewhere else altogether. Don’t ask me what the message was about because I couldn’t tell you.
And this week I didn't want to go.......home! HaHA!!!
This morning a little guy (about seven I think) I worked with started off grumpy. His g-tube was irritating him as always. On numerous occasions I had to get his hands away from it for fear of it being dislodged. I tried to get him involved in activities and he just pulled away grimacing, grunting, and moaning. It broke my heart. A silent prayer for the Lord's help and suddenly.......everything seemed to turn around.
A little encouragement from my supervisor to be hands on with him, helping him participate in worship. (eye contact, hand over hand with some sign), I quickly found out that he L <3 VES when you do this. His face lit up and he started to make sounds. He hugs me. He pets Alehe. Pushes my wheelchair. Smiles. (Oh those smiles are sooooooooooooo adorable!!!!) I seriously want to steal this child and take him home with me…..I know, I say that about all of them, Lol!
I sat near L at Bible-story time, scratching his back. For some children, depending on their disability, this is a calming mechanism. Haha! My poor hand was done!!! I stopped scratching. Pretty soon, I felt a small hand grasp mine ever so gently and pull it, placing it on his little back; his little eyes looking up at me, face beaming. I cracked up laughing. Apparently, HE wasn't quite done yet.
I had to leave a few minutes early from the class so that my family and I could go to lunch with some longtime family friends. I did not want to leave that classroom. I did not want our time together to end. All day I had been on cloud nine, just completely pumped up on adrenaline; and I was until well after midnight when I finally convinced myself to go to bed. I don’t remember my head hitting the pillow.
When I arrived home from church a contemporary Christian artist was on my mind, well, a particular album of his. “ Story of Your Life” by Matthew West. I jumped on my Itunes and listened to Matthew West’s song “I Love You More”. The Lord poured it’s words over me like a refreshing stream after a long trek through the rugged mountains. I’ve been playing it over and over for days now.

“And I want you to know that I’m not letting go, even when you come undone” ~ GOD

Headaches and Nausea : Surprising Turn of Events

Well glory hallelujah and praise the Lord, the two doctors actually talked! I never thought that it could happen, but it did. And I was the one to bring up to the neurosurgeon here in S.D. the possibility of my stomach causing the headaches. Ha!

I awoke with yet another headache, nausea, vomiting episode one morning, and frankly, had had ENOUGH already! After having an amazing time with the ‘Elevate’ children, I just wanted to bag that day and request a repeat of Sunday. A friend left a comment on my status about ‘seeking a new adventure’. Forty minutes later I received the phone call from my neurosurgeon here in San Diego saying he talked to the one in Montana (and we had to beg).

My first appointment since the two doctors talked, they called it 'gastrointestinal migraines'. In the past, stomach medication really didnt do anything for me and migraine medication did nothing or exasperated the problem, sometimes helpign for only a short period of time before quitting.

My biggest fear now; when is the medication going to stop working, since so many have in the past. Holding on to faith that it won't. Hard

"......for such is the kindgdom of Heaven".

Luca, ~ a little boy probably around four or five. He is deaf, but uses coclear implants to hear. I speak to him as any other child, but use a bit of sign laungauge with my speech to better communicate. "L" uses words here and there, some you an barely understand (or is it just me?) He is adorable, especially when he smiles.

During our table toys period, he became interested in the building blocks. He held them mostly, I tried to encourage him to stack them on top of eachother, which he did to some small degree.

Today during music time I sang to him, had my focus totally on him. When the songs talked about yourself I would point to him. At times I took his hands and made the motions, or signs for words. That seemed to put a smile on his face. On occassion he would take my hands to do the same, as if he wanted me to continue. Awesome!

I felt bad during gross motor time as he stood off to the side. I tried to get him to come near me to help him participate, but he stood by the door and just watched. I participated in gross motor along with the other children, helping out where I felt I was needed, as much as I could. (needed a nap afterward, whew!)

I sat with little "L" during the last portion of our time together, table activity. This usually consists of a table toy or coloring page. I tried to encourage him to color. Allowing him to choose a color, I would put it in his hand, and gently guide him in the activity. How much was actually him is debateable. We didnt' accomplish much there, but that wa okay. I read to him the verse at the botttom of the page anyway. At one point he took Alehe's leash in his hands, and made some vocalizations, trying to walk away. I often let children walk Alehe around the classroom. His face lit up when we walked together; leash in his hand, me walking beside, vocalizations louder and more exciteable.

I often wonder about these children, just how much of the lesson they are absorbing.....but I am learning to trust God that He is teaching them in His way. I am just His tool, He can use me as HE sees fit. Meanwhile, I am having a BLAST!!!!!
I want to do it all again, tomorrow!!! haha

Be Still (*sigh*)

"Be still and know that I am God"
~Psalm 46:10

ANOTHER appointment with my neuro-surgeon on Monday. Hmph! Not like it's going to reveal anything (please excuse my cynicism).

Headaches, nausea, vomiting. This is what I have dealt with since early teens. Surgery, medications, different pillows, c-pap, elevating the head of the bed. I've tried it. Sure, it works for a little while. Short term solutions.
Over the years I've been steadily losing hope the doctors will ever find a permanent solution.

Upon reading the above verse, a still small voice inside of me promted me to do a search on the phrase "be still"
Exodus 14:14
The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

Mark 4:39
He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.

Lord, calm this storm inside!

Psalm 83:1 (NKJV)
[ A Song. A Psalm of Asaph. ] Do not keep silent, O God!Do not hold Your peace, And do not be still, O God!
(All I seem to be getting from Him on this particular situation, silence. Lord, what is the lesson here?)



TODAY's DEVOTIONAL
"Be Still" I hear Him softly say
"Be still, lay all aside" (time out!)
He who made the universe stoops down
and gathers up my cares
(I am definately weary.....more like, DONE! Eleven years of college, it oud be nice to use it. To not depend so much on SSI.
"Be still" He chides again
His work begins within my weary soul
"Be patient. In quiet stay.
Listen to me" (Lord, I am listening!....or am I?)

Though pressed on every side
I clear my heart and mind
In timid voice and heart
I lift to Him my praise

How quiet His presence
How healing His words
In hushed awe, I listen
I savor each one

My will He bends (RA's Take My Will)
My heart He sweeps clean
My strength He renews My soul He fills to overflowing (PROMISE)

He teaches through His Word
I heed what He tells me
I stand and give Him praise
Together we go forth to serve

ELEVATE: a.k.a. "Why Can't Every Day Be Sunday?"

Wow God. Just,.........wow. These were the only words I could think of after my morning with the children at Shadow Mountain Cummunity Church.

I awoke feeling good this morning. (Considering the past three weeks, it's about bloody time! haha)
The past two Sundays I have been missing little 'C'. A little blonde cutie who's name is similiar to mine, and whom I believe latched onto me because of it. I half expect her to walk in the door still; asking me if she could sit next to me and/or hold Alehe's leash, which is something I often let her and a select few other children do.
Little 'N' wasn't in Sundayschool today. He is another 'melt-yer-heart' kind of child. He likes to climb in my lap and sit, sometimes facing me, sometimes engaged a bit in the Bible story. He'll often take my face in his hands, very gently, for a few seconds. Priceless seconds if you ask me. Sometimes he will hug me. He seems to enjoy pushing my wheelchair, although he will often run off and go do something else, leaving me high and dry, lol! Stinker. He does interact with Alehe to some degree, petting her. I try to initiate the interaction getting him started, gently taking his hand and stroking Alehe's fur wth it. But it doesn't last very long.

Worship with little 'L'
When it comes to a child with a significant disability, I often wonder how much I am connecting with them. I long to break into their world and get them to understand how much they are valued as the precious child they are (at least by me) and important to the world, especially in God's eyes.
I stood next to L during our worship time today. Singing and signing, and trying to engage him in the worship. At one point I was taking his hands and signing with them. He really seemed to enjoy this. His face lit up and he smiled, watching me the whole time.

'L' and Alehe
He took the leash in his little hands, and so I let him hold it. We walked side by side around the perimeter of the classroom. He was pretty happy. I believe at one point of the morning he tried to say a word. But sadly none of us really caught what he said (it's pretty quiet). He did seem more vocal today than usual. No coherant words other than that one time, but a lot of vocal 'sounds'. He smiled at times. Especially around Alehe.
I tend to measure life by the big moments, often times letting the little ones pass me by without much notice. Today didnt seem like much at first, btu after this one child...... I now cannot wait until next week!
Here's a child who does not communicate verbally (he has coclear implants in both ears and a seizure disorder. CE-EWT as a button, especially when he smiles.) I often wonder what goes on in the minds of some of these children as they sit listening to the Biblestory. How much of this are they really getting? (I am learning to trust that God is working in their hearts and minds)

A few of our children are seen with toys in their hands as one of the teachers shares a story from the Bible. This is not unusual, nor are they being defiant. Some of these children keep their hands busy to keep their focus on the teacher who is sharing a story from the Bible. You don't really know how much they are getting, you just trust God that He is moving in their hearts and minds.

Why can't every day be Sunday?

=D



"Take my will and make it your own. I'm on my knees letting go. Seeking more of You and finding less of me, now I'm free! So take my will, let Your kingdom come. Let Your will be done." ~ Take My Will' by Richard Andrew

Emptiness of Easter

The Emptiness of Easter
John 20:1-31

I. The expectation of emptiness - John 19:31-36; Mark 16:1
Emptiness in their hearts (He was going to redeem Israel)
The two Mary’s came to anoint Jesus’ body for burial
Emptiness of hopelessness and despair
(Lord, empty ME of hopelessness and despair!)

II. The encounter with emptiness - John 20:1-10
A. The place where the stone had been was empty - John 20:1;
Matthew 27:59-60; Mark 16:3
B. The place where the soldiers had been was empty
Matthew 27:62-66; 28:4
C. The place where Jesus had been was empty - Matthew 28:5-6;
Mark 16:6; Luke 24:3, 6; John 20:2
“He is not here, He is risen”
The tomb was empty
City of Jerusalem, where Christianity started
D. The grave clothes in which Jesus had been wrapped were empty
John 20:3-8
John - the other disciple; the disciple that Jesus loved
Evidence in the tomb was so convincing, it caused the apostle John to believe
The stone was rolled away so that people could see that Jesus was no longer in the tomb

III. The experience of emptiness - John 20: 11-15
Mary Magdalene, weeping
Supposed Him to be the gardener
Crushed her hope,
HE had changed her life. Freeing her from torment
Worth, dignity compassion, love, HOPE
Jesus had given her love
Her love brought her to the tomb and to the cross
She didn’t understand the resurrection was part of the story
Just when she thinks her life couldn’t get worse……..
Empty Hands, empty tomb, empty life

He created us with a God-shaped space in our lives, to be filled with the Presence of Christ in our lives
Power, money, alcohol, drugs. Things we try to stuff in that empty hole.
HE fills it full of meaning and joy
Mary, the epitome of emptiness

*****IV. The end of emptiness - *John 20:16
Rabboni -Master, teacher,
Jesus saying her name (how would I feel if I heard Jesus say MY name? How would I respond?)
A. Because he is risen my failures are not fatal - Romans 4:25;
1 Corinthians 15:14, 17-18, 20
HE took with Him the sin (failures, mistakes) of the whole world
Death was the payment, His resurrection was the receipt
B. Because he is risen my life is not futile - Ephesians 1:18-20
C. Because he is risen my death is not final - John 11:25-26

Bringing it Home
1. Dr. Jeremiah said, “Hope for a better tomorrow is what sees us through a thousand ‘every days.’” When have you used hope (for a better tomorrow) to get you through the challenges of the current day? How does hope keep us going in the face of frustration, challenge and despair?

2. Connecting (or reconnecting) with the hope we have in Christ’s resurrection, allows us to hope in ways we never have before. Where do you need hope in your life right now? In what ways do you feel empty? How can you let Christ fill your emptiness with hope?