Message: We Are God's Children

To you I give my life Not just the parts I want to To You I sacrifice These dreams that I hold onto Your thoughts are higher than mine Your words are deeper than mine Your love is stronger than mine This is no sacrifice, here’s my life To You I give the gifts Your love has given me How can I hoard the treasures That You designed for free? To You I give my future As long as it may last To You I give my present To You I give my past

The above verses are a song we sung in our Monday night Chi Alpha meeting. It seemed to set the tone for what God was going to speak to me later that night. There was one other song, but I suddenly can't remember which it was. Somewhere in the meeting, our college pastor had introduced two young men that were foreign exchange students, one from Africa (Songe') and another from Australia (Paul, whom you could almost mistake for sounding a bit British). It was a comment that Paul made that struck me. "Doing something for God - not about us doing something for Him, but about Him doing something through us".
Scott came up to give his message shortly thereafter. Nothing concerning the first half of the message really had an effect on me, but somewhere toward the end, the Spirit really got my attention, and I believe I sat there and wept through the rest of it.
He talked about two ways in which we need to change, the first being the way we view ourselves. For years I have struggled with who I am physically. Years of ridicule from schoolmates left me with a very much diluted ability to see myself as anything but who God sees me as. Slowly but surely, that is beginning to change. I keep having to tell myself over and over, no matter what, I am loved by God. ( a while ago I sent a blog survey and one question swas asking if they thought I was attractive. It blew me away when someone had said 'yes'.
The second way in which we need to change is in the way we live our lives. I need to grow in Him, and let me tell you the more I read His Word, the more in love I become with my Savior. As many times as I have read His Word, I kick myself for thinking that there would be no other way a verse could speak to me, and then Scott read Hebrews 12:1, '...run with preseverance the race set before you.' The latter portion 'the race set before you' hit me like a ton of bricks as God spoke to my heart concerning that phrase. God has already mapped out where I am to go and what I am to do in my life, He is teaching me valuable lessons through these things, why am I trying to control what happens to me and when? A hard lesson I am having to learn is to just "Trust Him". (Even while working with the Bridges program and beoming frustrated with some of it, God has been speaking to me 'look past the frustration and see the good that will come out of this on the other side').
In the meantime, I need to consecrate (set apart) myself for what God wants to do in my future.
After his message, there was a short time of worship where I found myself repenting of trying to take control of what happens to me and when, and not trusting God and the fact that He has a future already mapped out for me; one that is beyond anything I could ever fathom.
Afterward, I came home and started rereading a small book that J and N gave me years ago. "P.S., God Loves You"

WOW! The song Speaks Truth!

Friends are Friends Forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them..... Lyric from Michael W. Smith's song 'Friends'.

Quite a while ago I wrote a post about friends. A while later, I wrote one about getting sucked into creating a MySpace page. Who would have thought that one of my friends from childhood would find me by searching MySpace after creating a page of her own. I haven't had any contact with her since, oh I don't know, thirteen years or more. It was absolutely awesome as one night I had been praying for friends I had lost contact with, and just happened to mention in prayer that it would be incredible if I could somehow come in contact with many of them once again.

Jenifer and I grew up in the same neighborhood. She and her family had just moved into the neighborhood prior to us meeting. The two of them were wandering the neighborhood when her mom saw me and convinced her daughter to introduce herself to me. I remeber I brought her to church a few times, and hten there wa the time we sang worship songs ain the raqetball courts in El CAjon, whuile waiting for my mom to get doen with her tennis game. Even after a couple of years and a few moved on both of our parts,we still managed to keep in touch. I can't remember exactly how we lost touch (it was either before or after my move to Montana), but as with other friends I have lost touch with...it absolutely killed me inside, and I have not stopped praying for them when the Lord brings them to mind.

This is the second time it has happened. I wonder if Melanie and I will ever meet again......

Roller Coaster Ride of Life

So I cried myself to sleep one night, totally and completely overwhelmed with some events of the past few weeks. I am involved in the Bridges Program at Community Hospital. It provides various services for people with disabiltites and other issues. Me, I am doing physical and occupational therapy, counseling, and neuro-psych testing. Parts of it I am not even sure what for exactly. Some of it has been good. I am going to see an orthopedic doctor about the spina bifida which seems to be worsening. And at one point I brought up to someone that I used to ride horses and miss it, they are looking into a program for me here in Missoula. :D (BIG cheesy grin!)
It was this one particular day that I cried myself to leep that night that really got me. I thought this program was to help give more independence to those who needed it, and I feel like in a way they are trying to strip it from me. They want me using a sliding board (HA! Like I have the patience for that!) for when I transfer in an out of bed.
They want me to go agency based when it comes to my PCA's. I flat out will not do that, I have been self-direct for the seven years I have lived in Missoula. I hire people whom I know and trust. Besides, the two aides I hired outside of whom I know were disasters. One never bothered to show up and the other moved back to Kalispel threee weeks later. I hired a woman through a friend and it has been awesome having her around. She is a believer which really makes it nice.
A few days ago they tried ot get me to go agency based, I have just hired an aide I am really happy with and who understands my level of independence and how much I want to keep it. The only way I would do agency-based is if she wuold sign up through one of them and still work with me. To her understandng, they are trying to get me into residential care and to terminate what rights my parents have over me. My parents are thrilled that I am in the living situation I am. They want to see me independent. I am thrilled with my living situation.

Well then, just today they told me it was all a mistake...that they didn't realize just how independent I was; living in a house with roomies to help me, riding the bus to and from places, working out at a gym, going to church and other related functions. Okey-dokey, NOW we're on the same page. Whew! I can breathe.

Substitute Noon Duty Aide

So the past couple of weeks (it seems like months already!) my computer has been on the fritz. Thanks to Cuchillo for helping me resuscitate it. Man! One doesn't realize just how much one spends on the computer until one goes without it for weeks. I was sick of reading, sick of watching t.v.....and going out of my mind!

I GOT A JOB!!! :)
On the twenty-third of January, I started working as a substitute noon duty aide. This means I monitor the children at lunchtime and recess, and help clean up the lunchroom as best as I can. I have actually offered to wipe tables on a few occasions. While it is not my dream job as of yet, I don't mind it really. This is just until I can find a more permanent position in a preschool classroom, meanwhile it gets me experience working with children. After the first day, I wan't crazy about the job. I wouldn't allow myself to make a judgemebnt just yet, and sure enough it's not hal0f bad. Sure, I do a lot of just sittting around watching when I am used to getting involved in childrens play. One co-worker talked to me after one day sa I had a group of chikldren around me fawning over Alehe. She didn't think I was watching the playground as I should have been. What she didn't understand was that I was making a sweep of the playground with my eyes every minute or so, AS I was talking with the children. At Paxson Elementary, Alehe was a hit with the children. I had a lot of children commenting about the dogs they have at home, or their gramma's dog. With some, I asked about their dogs at home or what not. One child commented about her dog losing a tooth, "But we don't get any money for it."
I had children asking me if I go to church, children asking me if I would come back and when I was. One little girl walks by me as the bell rings and tells me "You're beautiful", of which I was on cloud nine for the rest of the day. I was even able to use my knowledge of American Sign Language with two girls at one of the schoools. Awesome experience (I did have to sign to tehm to "go slow").

February first, I received my very first paycheck...$37.00